Becoming Icha

Happy 41st bday Nicky Wu!

2011-11-03T18:40:00.008+10:00

Well, it's been a few days, but I've been meaning to make this post since 31st October, since my favourite Taiwanese actor Nicky Wuqilong became 41 years old!

So anyway, these are two beautiful MV by Nicky's Panda fans from Vietnam. They made good videos, these girls! And don't ask me why Nicky's fans are called pandas, but perhaps because the clan leader is as cute as a panda itself!

This video used a sweet song by Hongkong-Sydney singer Susan Wong called 'Winds of Change'.

The lyrics are as follows:

Winds of change until the end
You will see that I will be your friend
If you believe I'm heaven-sent
Stay and I'll forever be your friend

You're my lover and my man
You can see the writing in the sand
Lover as it's in the air
I will hold you and we'll be a pair

Standing at heaven turn
You must be heaven-sent
Dreams must be made of this
I just can't let go
I just have to hold your hand

Reff:
You will ever and forever be my man
and I will ever and forever be your friend
So this will be true my love for you
Time will then forever take a stand

You must ever and forever be a friend
I have this feeling that will never play pretend
Together we'll be strong, this can't be wrong
And dream like these were meant for us to hold
We'll always be so.

And this video compared Nicky with pandas! So cute! Not sure what the song is called, but it's a cute Mandarin song.

So, happy birthday dearest Nicky! Thanks a lot for Shui Ruohan, Xiao Shi Yilang, Li Hou Zhu, Li Mo Yuan, Yinzheng/Fourth Prince and all the future treats you're giving us! Be healthy, happy and prosperous forever!

Season of Waiting

2011-10-18T17:50:00.007+10:00

I didn't realise that I've been absent from my blog for more than half a year. Sigh... so many things happened, some bad, some good... but I've been grateful so far.

Anyway, I've been enraptured by a new Mandarin series called Bu Bu Jing Xin ('Startling by Each Step'), starring e.g., Liu Shi Shi ('Ruo Xi'), Nicky Wu Qilong ('4th Prince', later 'Emperor Yongzheng'), Kevin Cheng ('8th Prince'), Yuan Hong ('13th Prince'), Lin Gen Xin ('14th Prince') and Damian Lau ('Emperor Kangxi'). The story was based on an internet novel of the same title, written by Miss Tong Hua, which became so famous that it went into print and was adopted into a TV series. The story evolves around a 21st CE working girl that was accidentally transported to early 18th CE Qing Dynasty in China, where she encountered several gorgeous princes, most of them would hurt each other to gain the throne.

I love all the cast, but my favourite is definitely Ruo Xi and 4th Prince. Their love is just too heart wrenching, but too beautiful to ignore. Nicky Wu's performance as 4th Prince should have gained him an 'Oscar' like award, same as LSS' performance as Ruo Xi... but I heard that they might not get it. At least in the fan voting site, the onscreen couple seems to win by a large margin.

Many websites and blogs have dedicated themselves to writing reviews about BBJX, and most of them marked the series as excellent. I can see why. I will tell you what I think of it later, if I have time. But for now, I want to treat myself with Cecilia Liu Shi Shi singing 'Season of Waiting', one of the OST of BBJX.

The translated version is here:

And this is the lyrics:

Season of Waiting

Waiting for Summer, waiting for Autumn
Waiting for the next season
I have to wait until the moon is full again
Before you will return to my side
Shall we meet again?
Can’t help it but missing you
Suddenly want to see your face
That familiar face
Holding hands is unnecessary
As we walk slowly through the snow and drift
Unable to see each other
And we still pine inside for each other
I only want you to know
I am doing just fine
A love for a lifetime, a passion for an eternity
I will wait for you until I grow old
I only want you to know
I can’t let it go and I can’t forget it
Your smile and your care
Is my warm support

Lyric and photo source: koala's playground

The truth about looking within

2011-02-17T12:19:00.004+10:00

I found a very good article online on Hubpages that I just can't resist to share with myself and you!

The Truth about Looking Within

By Enigmatic Me

In response to a fellow hubber regarding tv versus personal development :

In some people's minds the realities are that we live busy lives that are demanding on so many levels. My philosophy is a little different. Growing personally takes time, effort and demands that we look inward before looking outward. By thinking of locus of control (who/what in our lives make our lives the way they are) people become scared to admit to themselves they can be better or different. The old addage of "Do onto others as we would have them do unto you" is probably one of the toughest things to do. Not because we don't all want to be treated with respect, feel heard and listened to, have a sense of belonging (beyond our families), feel worthy and have some self esteem. No, its because we feel on times (no matter who you are and what you do in life) that someone owes us. Don't tell me you never thought "I'd let that guy get into this lane had it not been for the idiot who cut me off back there". We see the world as 'dog eat dog' instead of one long continuum of events that we have total control over. We like to give 'others' (boss, wife, husband, mother, father, brother, sister, power company, tax man) power over us as a means to blame and shirk responsibility for our own actions. That way we can justify our actions to ourselves. It makes things more palatable when things go wrong... moreso not go our way than wrong in some instances.

All of this plodding and scheming leads to a life that is comfortable, where things 'just don't go my way', where 'people are to blame', and that 'can never turn around'. For if we were to take control back from 'others' then we would have no one to blame,nothing but ourselves to fall back on. We become accountable for our way of living, our way of dealing with others, and our short comings. And really, who wants all that responsibility?? I'd rather watch CSI:NY, that way I'll see others living more crappy lives than mine, getting what they deserve because they didn't take control of who they were/what they did. We choose to live blinded by guilt, shame, disappointment, envy, greed. And it is all because we are afraid of what that accountability will mean for us in the long run, but also what that accountability will mean for situations in the past.... We were at fault. we could have done differently, we could have chosen a different path, but we were too selfish to go that path. So we chose the lazy path... one that is comfortable and easy, one that we've been living for a long time. We have little motivation to consider alternatives to our thoughts, philosophies, our beliefs, because we believe no one else is doing it... why should 'I' be the one to change... 'they' should take a good look at themselves not me.

Odd thing is that if everyone were to take a moment and rectify a wrong they had committed (no matter how big or small) then people would start thinking "hey it's okay to be accountable".... "that guy is a stand up guy"... and not only would you be changing yourself, but you'd change other peoples understanding and perception of us. Sounds like a win-win to me.

And a Youtube video by Luka Bloom that covers it very well:

Don't Be Afraid of the Light that Shines Within You

Out of the cold, dark winter space
We come together, looking for Brigids grace
We dip our open hands deep into the well
Where our rivers run to, who can tell, who can tell

We warm our hearts and faces in the heat of the burning flame
Something about our spirit never stays the same

Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Within you

So many lives in shadows, with so much to give away
Brilliant dreams in waiting, to see the light of day
We step up to the well at the dawn of spring time
When we go our way, we let the light shine, let your light shine

Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Dont be afraid of the light that shines within you
Let the light protect you
Let the light direct you
Dont be afraid
Dont be afraid
The light that shines within you.

Love and peace, everyone!

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

2011-02-14T11:30:00.006+10:00

Been a while since I posted anything. So, for this Valentine's Day I'd like to give my gratitude to the Universe for my dearest partner who may prefer to be unnamed... to his love letters this morning that made me cried like a baby in happiness, and to our beautiful home that always welcome me at the end of the day.

And here's to my friends out there, single or double or single again... I just want to say this:

**Before we love someone else, we have to be totally in love with ourselves first**

So, love yourself first and foremost, and let the soothing rays of love overflow from within you. Connect with your inner self, and be happy always.

And here's a song for us all in this Valentine's Day. I chose something that is more reflective to the need to love ourselves first, which is the main ingredient for loving someone else.

True to Your Heart
(Mulan, Disney, Stevie Wonder)

Baby, I knew at once that
you were meant for me
Deep in my soul I know
that I'm your destiny
Though you're unsure
Why fight the tide
Don't think so much
Let your heart decide

Baby, I see your future
and it's tied to mine
I look in your eyes and see
you searching for a sign
But you'll never fall
Till you let go
Don't be scared
Of what you don't know

[Chorus:]
True to your heart
You must be
True to your heart
That's when the
heavens will part
And baby, shower you
with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell
you no lies
And when you're true
to your heart
I know it's gonna lead
you straight to me
(Got to be true
to your heart)

Someone ya know is on
your side, can set you free
I can do that for you if
you believe in me
Why second-guess
What feels so right
Just trust your heart
And you'll see the light

[Chorus:]
True to your heart
You must be
True to your heart
That's when the
heavens will part
And baby, shower you
with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell
you no lies
And when you're true
to your heart
I know it's gonna lead
you straight to me

(Ya know it's true)
Your heart knows
what's good for you
(Good for you)
Let your heart show
you the way
(Ya know it's true)
It'll see you through
(Got to be true
to your heart)

Girl, my heart is driving
me to where you are
You can take both hands off
the wheel and still get far
Be swept away
Enjoy the ride
You won't get lost
With your heart to guide you

[Chorus:]
True to your heart
You must be
True to your heart
That's when the
heavens will part
And baby, shower you
with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell
you no lies
And when you're true
to your heart
I know it's gonna lead
you straight to me
(Got to be true
to your heart)

True to your heart
You must be
True to your heart
That's when the
heavens will part
And baby, shower you
with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell
you no lies
And when you're true
to your heart
I know it's gonna lead
you straight to me
(Got to be true
to your heart)

When things are gettin' crazy
And you don't know
where to start
Keep on believin', baby
Just be true to your heart
When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believin', baby
Just be true to your heart

Is the Moon our guardian?

2010-10-22T15:14:00.005+10:00

I have New Scientist edition 25 September 2010 in front of me, talking about several interesting topics (including the importance of happiness and sexy daisies in Africa). However, what catches my attention right now is an article by Battersby et al titled ‘Cosmic Coincidences: Ten improbable events that paved the way for our existence’, which – as it goes – tells me how coincidence is a big factor that shapes the Earth into a living planet habitable for human (and rabbits, and dolphins, and also dinosaurs in the past). And then cometh the Moon, my favourite planetary object.

I’ve learned for quite some time that the Moon was actually not ‘captured’ by the Earth’s orbit, but rather was ‘made’ by the Earth because of a massive impact a long long time ago. But I didn’t realise how important is the role of the Moon until now. I will copy some paragraph from the article, written by David Shiga (p. 39).

Mars attacks

The solar system in which the infant Earth found itself was an unsettled environment, filled with lumps of rock whizzing around on irregular orbits. Some 4.5 billion years ago one of these, a Mars-sized body, clobbered our planet. The result was a comprehensive rearrangement. Some of the impacting material stuck, while the rest was blasted into orbit along with bits of Earth excavated by the collision, where it formed the moon.

It does not sound a particularly propitious event. But luckily, it resulted in a satellite that is anomalously big in comparison to its parent planet. There is nothing else like it in the solar system, where satellites are relatively small bodies that either accreted slowly from orbiting debris or were captured in passing. Elsewhere it seems a similar story. Giant collisions in other solar systems would produce abundant dust visible to the infrared Spitzer Space Telescope, but although a few such dusty systems have been found, collisions big enough to produce something like the moon seem to happen in only 5 to 10 per cent of solar systems – with the number of instances where this has actually happened considerably smaller even than that (The Astrophysical Journal, vol 670, 0516).

Why does this matter? Because the moon’s size provides a steadying gravitational hand that helps to stabilise the tilt, or “obliquity”, of Earth’s axis. That prevents wild changes in the pattern of solar heating on the planet’s surface that could lead to extreme climate swings, including frequent periods where the whole planet freezes over. That’s a big deal for us. “Conditions might be bad for complex land-based life if there were no moon and obliquity varied significantly,” says David Spiegel, a planetary scientist at Princeton University.

Earth might still have spawned life without its outside moon – even with a frozen surface, the water beneath could offer a decent habitat for sea creatures, Spiegel says. It’s just unlikely that we would be around to appreciate it. ~ David Shiga

Over the last few years, I’ve been always thinking and seeing the Moon as a source of guidance. I understand that my belief might be originated from the ancient civilisations around the world that referred to the Moon as a sacred object. Now I see that such notion might not be far off at all. Instead of just merely being ‘seized’ by Mother Earth as she strolled along the cosmic path, the Moon was actually sent by the Earth herself to guard her. And for billions of years, she has done the job well. She provides the force to stabilise life on Earth while she the Moon Maiden remains barren.

I start to really see the Moon as our major sentinel now.

Pic: Orange Moon

Hear My Prayer

2010-08-27T20:03:00.004+10:00

Hear My Prayer
~ Moya Brennan

Hear my prayer
Bring me through the darkness, hear my heart
Draw me in
On this bright, new morning

Here I am, stay with me
Never too late to forgive
Here I am, set me free
Sing Hallelujah

Angels walk with me
Guide me to the water's edge
Wash away my doubts, my fears
Lord, strengthen me and bring me back to you

Change my heart
With a gentle touch you change my world
Hold me close
Fill my life with beauty

Hear my voice, stay with me
Bring cool water to my lips
Hear my prayer, set me free
Sing Hallelujah

Angels walk with me
Guide me to the water's edge
Wash away my doubts, my fears
Lord, strengthen me and bring me back to you

Pic: Lady Isis by Redheaded Step Child

Second Chance - Miten

2010-08-12T11:00:00.002+10:00

Second Chance
by Miten

I hung my hat on a wishing tree
I asked for one wish - I could've had three
But I only asked for what I needed
Could've asked for money riches and wealth
But all I really wanted was to find myself
Unaccustomed as I was to seeking

And my heart whispered inside
And the moon rose and the angels sighed
And they said

Here comes your second chance
You'd better believe it
Open up and receive it
Here comes your second chance
Take a deep breath
This is your second chance

Make peace with your mother
And your father, too
Make peace with the stranger inside of you
And forgive yourself for the things you tried and failed to do
Embrace your anger, your lust and your greed
That's how we drop the things that we don't need
Pick up a musical instrument
Or plant a seed

That was my heart whispering inside
"Welcome" it said, "you're home and dry"

Here comes your second chance
You'd better believe it
Open up and receive it
Here comes your second chance
Take a deep breath
This is your second chance

Well the years went by and my wish came true
And i find myself here with you
I had to climb that mountain
There was no was around it
And we all come and go like waves in the sea
Each with our own responsibility
To leave this world more beautiful than we found it

That's your heart whispering inside
And you know your heart, it never lied

Here comes your second chance
You'd better believe it
Open up and receive it
Here comes your second chance
Take a deep breath
This is your second chance

Lyrics from Miten and Deva Premal's 'Songs for Inner Lovers'
Pic: Living Tantra Bliss

I cannot believe Agora is not in Australia yet!

2010-06-23T11:42:00.007+10:00

I mean, come on! Agora was nominated for 13 Goya Award, and won 7 of them. It was screened out of competition for the 2009 Cannes Film Festival, and it talked about the 4th CE Egypt without the usual swords and gladiator-style debacles. Well, okay, it eventually ended up with a riot that killed my new fave heroine mathematician-astronomer-librarian Hypatia (played by Rachel Weisz, excellently I believe), but still, it is favoured by many and it's not screened in Australia yet?!?!

Okay, okay, it was screened in several cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra) during the Spanish Film Festival last May, but not yet in Townsville, the city of Powerpuff Girls! And not in big chain cinemas like Event Cinemas and Reading Cinemas. What an insult.

Even United States was late; it started the limited screen of Agora on 28 May10. Come on people, a good movie is there, and it's not the cliche gladiator stuff, nor the cliche Julius Caesar and Cleopatra stuff, and we're not watching it?!

I guess the fact that it was made by Spanish Alejandro Amenabar and was first screened in Spain in October last year didn't elevate it to the international level huh? Bummer. I'm telling you what: I'm buying the DVD in Ebay, and I will tell you what I think of it after I receive it. I will also STILL watch it in the cinema if ever it plays here by the end of the year...

That's the least I can do for a woman who died protecting sound science, her faith in herself, and the past glory of the Library of Alexandria.

Pic: DVD cover R2 of Agora from Amazon.com

Lovely Very Valentine

2010-05-31T19:23:00.006+10:00

Adriana Trigiani is officially my favourite authoress now, on par with Sophie Kinsella on my book (or book shelf?). I admit that I had been eyeing ‘Very Valentine’ since before Christmas last year, but was put off by its expensive price. I was also reluctant to start reading a story from an author I haven’t read before. Then I spotted the smaller TPB version of VV last May at the airport (most of my fave books I encountered in airports!), really browsed the first few pages, and… well, I can’t resist a novel that talks about shoes (particularly bespoke wedding shoes), can’t I?

But Adriana delivers much more than a quench for my thirst for good shoes and a good story about how bespoke shoes are made. She delivers Life itself that speaks through the heroine Valentine Roncalli, an Italian American living in Greenwich Village New York (I swear, if I ever go to NYC, I shall visit Greenwich Village. As Colin Firth’s Darcy said: “I shall!”). In many ways, I can relate to Valentine. Single woman of mid 30s, has big family that more often than not are noisy about her personal life, has to prove to herself that she can save and live her dream life… and has a good taste of well-made and comfortable shoes. Okay, I don’t have a nice tomato garden at the rooftop, but I am contemplating about it now.

Reading ‘Very Valentine’ is like… eating a meal so delicious, you don’t want to finish too early. You want to eat it bits by bits, because the slower you eat it, the more passionate you become of the food. Like eating sushi (please forgive the reference of a non Italian food). Unless you are very hungry (like I was a few years ago after a long day of kid drawing festival), you tend to eat the sushi slowly but sure. You savour every bit, marvel at the fresh pink hue of the salmon on top of the vinegary rice before dunking it to the salty ketchup with a hint of wasabi and ginger. Then, even as you eat it, you savour every taste that marvels in your mouth. Divine.

That’s how I describe my way of reading VV. Slowly, page per page, marvelling at every paragraph, sometimes even every word that ignite my imagination of shoes, New York, and Italy. In the love department, I was like… ‘so soon??’ when Valentine met Roman (soon to be her new beau) who used to catch her showering the rooftop tomatoes naked (yeah, it was a hot summer night after an annoying wedding party)… but then I kinda got along with it. But – although I originally thought of him as indecent and pervert – I have to admit that I was intrigued by Gianluca’s presence. Something about him that I like about, and although I was sad that Val and Roman didn’t work it out, I found myself intrigued by the prospect of Val and Gianluca. Particularly after reading the sneak peek of ‘Encore Valentine’ (in the US would be ‘Brava Valentine’) with Gianluca as the major actor in the first few pages.

More than giving me good romance, Adriana also gave me friendship through Val’s relationship with Gram, former nude dancer June, and Gabriel (who if he wasn’t a gay, I would promote him to be Val’s beau; and he apparently agrees! No. Scratch that. Had Gabriel been a normal guy, I would have dated him myself!). Family problems are also fleshed out, along with each member’s way of coping with them. It made me wish that my family had been better, but who am I kidding…

And of course, the shoes. I need to get back to this very important ^_^ matter because really. This is the first novel with shoes as the main actor/actress really, for without them, the novel would not exist. Adriana Trigiani gave me a 4 nights crash course on the world of shoes (particularly bespoke shoes), what to expect and look for in a pair of well-made shoes, and the love and devotion these shoe artists effuse into a pair of shoes. As a shoe aficionado who champions gorgeous, lovely AND comfortable shoes, I thank her for giving me a very nice book to get back to again and again.

Adriana also satisfied my love for Italian food. Expertly, she weaved the scenes where any character (usually Roman) cooked an Italian meal, pointing out the difficulties, best ingredients for the said meal, and what to expect from such a meal. If not salivating over the beautifully described shoes (or sighing at Gianluca), I would salivate over Italian food in this book. Yumm…

Conclusion: Five stars for Very Valentine.

Now, I need to save some money for that pair of sunflower yellow Sundance ballet flats. Ahem. And to pay my rent, save for the dream house, etc. And to write the review of ‘Encore Valentine’, which is the sequel of ‘Very Valentine’. But that can wait. I need to make dinner. I think tonight is pasta.

Pic: UK and OZ version of 'Very Valentine' cover (the small paperback) from Amazon UK

PS 1 June 2010:

I forgot one very important thing. One of the things I admire the most from Valentine is her determination. She believes in what she does, and she loves doing it. She loves making beautiful bespoke shoes that make women happy. And when piling debts almost forced her and Gram to either sell the shop and move somewhere else (or close the business entirely), Val looked here and there to save her company. Which she did, eventually, but not before she discovered what truly mattered for her, and being honest about it. I learned a lot from her.

Tips for international shoe size conversion

2010-05-21T15:41:00.012+10:00

I’ve recently made some purchases from US, so I thought I’d just pour myself some more tips on converting your shoe size when you do online purchase. For reference, I usually wear size EU 38 or 39 for heels; I’m happy with insole length 9.5-9.75” (24.5-25cm) and width of ball of foot 3” (7.5cm), but for heels, if it gets larger than that, it won’t do me good. I go up to EU 40 for boots. My right foot is half a number smaller than my left foot, but that’s common for many people, so I’m not an alien here. I might have to say that these sizing tips apply only for women shoes. Sorry, guys…

Is AU size = US size?
The thing is, whenever I go to Novo, one of my favourite shoe stores in Australia, I usually go with “8 = 39” and it fits me well. So naturally, I thought that my size is AU 8 or EU 39 (which is the size I use in Indonesia). Several time I shopped in Ebay UK and I always asked for UK 6, and they fit me well.

Then came the time when I found Modcloth and got confused because they said AU 8 = US 9.5, or EU 41. Which is impossible! So, what is my US size? Is it possible that I actually had been shopping with US 8, and thought that it was AU 8?

Heels

A few months ago, I bought a Poetic Licence Butterfly Love (or ‘Rainbow Road’ in Modcloth’s term, cos it reminds people of the cute Rainbow Brite!) from Modcloth. I adopted both names and henceforth call her Rainbow Brite.

Now, Poetic Licence is from London, and many US Modcloth buyers already testified that they ran at least half a size bigger (so buyers better size down). I’m glad I spent some time to chat with Modcloth’s stylist (very recommended and helpful!) cos eventually I went and bought the only size left: US 7.5. And… it fits. Okay, not like heaven, cos it’s made of leather and I need to break it first. But still, it proves my suspicion that when I shopped for shoes in Australia, I actually shopped with a US size of 8 (instead of AU 8).

Breaking period

Breaking new shoes with your own feet is never advisable. Not in my book, at least. For my new Rainbow Brite, I placed my inexpensive shoe stretcher into the left pair just to break it and stretched the right pair with a small sandwich bag of water inside the fridge. See Michelle Phan’s tutorial for stretching your heels with water/ice.

In the morning, the left pair became very comfortable for my left foot, and the right pair becomes accommodative to my right foot. I then wore them inside for a few minutes every night (your feet tend to be larger in the evening after work) to get my feet used to them. I also buff them with aromatic oil (coconut oil with jasmine essence) to moisturise them and give them the glow. The oil was absorbed well, and the heels are fragrant now. I debated to spray them with Tana waterproof sprayer, but after a bit of testing inside the shoes, I decided not to. The sprayer changed the colour a bit, but because my Rainbow Brite is bright electric blue, I’m not taking the chance.

By the way, because of my increased confidence in US size, recently I bought a pair of Born sandals (‘Rosie’), projected for my sister’s upcoming wedding (or other important events…). I bought US 8, and now waiting for the preciousss one to arrive. Born Shoes is famous for their comfort, so I might be reporting about it later.

Heel tips:

For leather heels, if you don’t have the best size, you can go down half a size and stretch the shoes later. It worked well for me. Don't go up a size, even just half a size. You don’t want your heels to be too floppy, it will give you blisters (I had it more than once!). Tips for Poetic Licence: Size down for heels, particularly leather peep toes. Possibly applies to UK's Miss L. Fire as well. Tips for women in Australia who usually buy size ‘AU 8’… just be mindful that there is a chance that you actually use size US 8 instead of AU 8.

Boots

A while ago, I saw a pair of black leather ankle boot that I’d been salivating upon went on 40% sale at Williams. Because I didn’t have any black boots (excuses, excuses…), I just HAD to buy it! After cracking my student bank account, I came out with a pair of Diana Ferrari Supersoft boots, size 7.5C. Supremely comfortable… but it made me think. Size 7.5 for boots… whereas I usually wear size 8 for heels. Heck, I should’ve only fit with size 8.5 or 9! How’d that happen?

Then I remembered that on two other sale occasions last year (I’m not THAT shoeaholic!), I bought two pairs of Corelli heels size 7.5; one slingback, and one strappy heels. I wasn’t confused back then, cos I usually bought size 8 anyway. But now, I realise that the Corelli shoes operates with US size then, instead of AU size. Thus their 7.5 still fits me.

The insoles of the heels are always smaller than boots. If you have heels size US 8.5, very likely you’ll have boots size US 9 or 9.5. Or heels size UK 6, you’ll do boots size UK 7 or higher. Which means that my Diana Ferrari should not be sized US 7.5 at all. But it fits. Hence…I conclude that Diana Ferrari operates with REAL Australian size. Online Conversion states that AU 7.5 = US 9 = EU 40, which is the same as Modcloth’s size conversion.

Boot tips:
Your boots would go half or one size larger than your usual heels, so size up if you never buy boots beforehand.

Golden rule of online shoe purchase

Always ask for the insole length of the shoes (and width of ball of foot, if possible). If there’s no one replying and you still want to buy it, read the reviews of that particular brand and model. You’ll reduce the risk of mis-fitting the shoes.

For boots, seller cannot measure the insole length, so ask for the bottom length, or the half-perimeter length, from the tip of the toes to the back of the heels. Match the measurement with your old boots, or your friend’s boots of the same size.

My shoe measurements

To conclude, I go with US 8 for heels with standard medium width, sometimes going down to US 7.5 depending on the brand and style. That is the equivalent of UK 5.5-6 (EU 38-39), and also equivalent with AU 6.5 - 7. For boots, I go with US 9 (EU 40, AU 7.5). For ballet flats, I go with US 8 as well (so I might be selling my Tangerine Guess ballet flats cos size 9 is too big for me - I wasn't well-educated about international sizing back then).

Hope the tips help you deciding your best online measurement. So, anyone wants to buy me a pair of shoes? I can use a yellow or peony Miss L Fire Alisha!

Pic 1: Cinderella's slippery slippers

Pic 2: Poetic Licence's Butterfly Love/Rainbow Road/Rainbow Brite

Pic 3: Born's Rosie

Pic 4: Wonder Woman's iconic red boots that Batman loves! Cover of 'Hikiteia' by Greg Rucka

I carry your heart with me

2010-03-10T15:13:00.002+10:00

I carry your heart with me
by E.E. Cumming

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Pic: personal collection

Selenite

2010-03-01T14:28:00.005+10:00

Selenite by Rurutia

~Translated by Amy Hikari

Ah, a light flickers in the ruined city
And an invisible tune, full of wishes, echoes around

Now, the burned-down sky sinks to the bottom of the water
And is filled with moonlight

Dyed in the blue burning night
Your shoulders are so slender they’re almost not there
I hang on tight to them but still you fade away

Ah, at the end of the universe I found countless little stars
When we met, I learned what dizziness felt like

Now, swallowed up in endless waves of gold and silver
We move towards the sacred river
My heart begins to tremble as you pull me close so sweetly
Forever, always and forever, I want to hold you
So that you won't disappear

Now, swallowed up in endless waves of gold and silver
We move towards the sacred river

Dyed in the blue burning night
Your shoulders are so slender they’re almost not there
I hang on tight to them but still you fade away

My heart begins to tremble as you pull me close so sweetly
Forever, always and forever, I want to hold you
So that you won't disappear

Original lyrics by Rurutia

Aa, yurameku tomoshibi, gareki no machi ni
Narihibiku toumei na shirabe wa negai wo tatae

Ima, yake ochita sora wa mizu no soko e to shizunde yuku
Michite yuku tsuki akari

Aoku moeru yoru ga kimi wo someru, hakanai hodo
Hosoi kata wo kitsuku daite itemo
Kimi wa kiete shimaisou de

Aa, musuu no hoshitsubu, uchuu no hate de
Mitsuketa yo, hajimete no deai wa memai sae oboe

Ima, furisosogu kin to gin no hikari no nami ni nomare
Futari seinaru kawa e

Amaku oshiyosete wa boku no mune wo furuwaseru yo
Zutto kono mama zutto daite itai
Kimi ga kiete shimawanai you ni

Ima, furisosogu kin to gin no hikari no nami ni nomare
Futari seinaru kawa e

Aoku moeru yoru ga kimi wo someru, hakanai hodo
Hosoi kata wo kitsuku daite itemo
Kimi wa kiete shimaisou de

Amaku oshiyosete wa boku no mune wo furuwaseru yo
Zutto kono mama zutto daite itai
Kimi ga kiete shimawanai you ni

Pic: One-winged embrace by Saimain DeviantArt

Thank you Obama for meeting His Holiness!

2010-02-19T17:33:00.002+10:00

Okay, the meeting was done in a very private, low profile setting yesterday (Thursday, 18 Feb 2010), but it's still a good sign that Tibetan voice is being heard.

Complete story can be found in Dalai Lama's official page. I can only say... thank you Obama for meeting His Holiness Dalai Lama, and also the Universe for making this happen!

Picture from Dalai Lama.com

Red Bird Explains Herself

2010-02-19T13:28:00.005+10:00

Red Bird Explains Herself

By Mary Oliver

If I was the song that entered your heart
then I was the music of your heart, that you wanted and needed
and thus the wilderness bloomed, with all its
followers; gardeners, lovers, people who weep
for the death of rivers

And this was my true task, to be the
music of the body.
Do you understand?
For truly the body needs
a song, a spirit, a soul. And no less, to make this work,
the soul has need of a body,
and I am both of the earth and I am of the inexplicable
beauty of heaven
where I fly so easily, so welcome, yes,
and this is why I have been sent, to teach this to your heart.

Pic: Heart Bird by Ann Whim Tseng
Special thanks to Hafiz for sending me this poem...

Research is a detective work, Batman!

2010-02-17T12:28:00.007+10:00

Two images I bastardised to boost up my thesis writing. Batman the Greatest Detective, and Lois Lane, the Kick Ass Reporter! Might be useful for some comic-geek students out there who struggles with assignments/thesis...

Okay, I need to get back to work. Where are those evidential files...er, papers...

PS, if you want to see how awesome Lois Lane is, click here.

Pic 1: Batman, from Detective Comics #405. Original file stolen from here
Pic 2: Lois Lane, from this site

Metanoia

2010-02-15T14:40:00.011+10:00

I owe my dearest friend 'Cabe' for introducing me a new term today. Something that I've been experiencing and I am very aware of, but never knew the term until now. Metanoia.

From Wikipedia:

Metanoia (from the Greek μετάνοια, metanoia, changing one's mind) in the psychological theory of Carl Jung denotes a process of reforming the psyche as a form of self healing, a proposed explanation for the phenomenon of psychotic breakdown. Here, metanoia is viewed as a potentially productive process, and therefore patients' psychotic episodes are not necessarily always to be thwarted, which may restabilize the patients but without resolving the underlying issues causing their psychopathology.

In Carl Jung's psychology, metanoia indicates a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form. Jung believed that psychotic episodes in particular could be understood as existential crises which were sometimes attempts at self-reparation. Jung's concept of metanoia influenced R. D. Laing and the therapeutic community movement which aimed, ideally, to support people whilst they broke down and went through spontaneous healing, rather than thwarting such efforts at self-repair by strengthening their existing character defences and thereby maintaining the underlying conflict.

Beautifully put, whoever made that Wiki entry. I had a Metanoia about 10 days ago. What a melt down! But the result was, is, beautiful. Thank you all...

Also, you might want to read about Sandra Michaelson's Spiritual Bypass; a concept I just learned 10 days ago along with my latest metanoia. Read also Debra Goldman's article on the same topic. Eye-openers. You can also or pre-order Robert Augustus Masters' Spiritual Bypassing from Amazon.com; something that I am going to do next week.

Pic: Phoenix by Bamfette of DeviantArt

Valentine poem

2010-02-14T19:33:00.007+10:00

So today is Valentine's Day, and also the New Year of the Tiger. Love and Courage. Just all that I need now... particularly because I'm a Tiger, and this tigress doth need to shower herself with Love more often. But somehow, as many days before today, I opened Tagore's poem book this morning, and came up with a lovely poem befits of my reincarnated loves in the past. So here's for Love. Courage I shall post later after I find something suitable.

I think I shall stop startled if ever we meet after our next birth,
walking in the light of a far-away world.
I shall know those dark eyes then as morning stars,
and yet feel that they have belonged to some unremembered evening sky
of a former life.

I shall know that the magic of your face is not all its own,
but has stolen the passionate light that was in my eyes at some immemorial meeting,
and then gathered from my love a mystery
that has now forgotten its origin

~ Rabindranath Tagore

Pic: Cropped painting of the beautiful "Milkmaid' by the famous Ravi Varma of Kerala, India

Are You a Mere Picture?

2010-02-13T17:20:00.005+10:00

Are you a mere picture, and not as true as those stars, true as
this dust? They throb with the pulse of things, but you are
immensely aloof in your stillness, painted form.

The day was when you walked with me, your breath warm, your
limbs singing of life. My world found its speech in your voice, and
touched my heart with your face. You suddenly stopped in your walk,
in the shadow-side of the Forever, and I went on alone.

Life, like a child, laughs, shaking its rattle of death as it
runs; it beckons me on, I follow the unseen; but you stand there,
where you stopped behind that dust and those stars; and you are a
mere picture.

No, it cannot be. Had the life-flood utterly stopped in you,
it would stop the river in its flow, and the foot-fall of dawn in
her cadence of colours. Had the glimmering dusk of your hair
vanished in the hopeless dark, the woodland shade of summer would
die with its dreams.

Can it be true that I forgot you? We haste on without heed,
forgetting the flowers on the roadside hedge. Yet they breathe
unaware into our forgetfulness, filling it with music. You have
moved from my world, to take seat at the root of my life, and
therefore is this forgetting-remembrance lost in its own depth.

You are no longer before my songs, but one with them. You came
to me with the first ray of dawn. I lost you with the last gold of
evening. Ever since I am always finding you through the dark.

No, you are no mere picture.

~ Rabindranath Tagore

Pic: 'Guiding Star' by Mahmoud Farshchian

HH Dalai Lama is scheduled to meet Mr. Obama

2010-02-13T01:30:00.005+10:00

NEWS FLASH:

His Holiness Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Tibet and inspiration/guru to many people including myself is scheduled to meet President Barack Obama in Washington, D.C. sometimes this month, perhaps next week. This move unfortunately has made the Chinese government cranky, and I sincerely hope that Mr. Obama will stick to his plan of meeting His Holiness. As someone who's been in a very close proximity to His Holiness, I can only attest to the beautiful feeling inside of me that resulted from meeting him in person. I hope that Mr. Obama will also have that priviledge, regardless of what Beijing says!

May all beautiful thoughts flow from all directions... Shanti, peace...

News source: Times of India, 13 February 2010.
Pic: Private collection in Sarnath, India, 9 January 2009

Peace, My Heart...

2010-02-09T19:01:00.006+10:00

I dedicate these two Rabindranath Tagore poems for my friend 'Hafiz' who is currently into his 'little India' journey. May Allah ya Jamil be with you, dearest friend... Ishq Allah ya Jamil, Insya Allah we shall meet again...

There Is Room for You

There is room for you. You are alone with your few sheaves of rice.
My boat is crowded, it is heavily laden, but how can I turn you
away? Your young body is slim and swaying; there is a twinkling
smile in the edge of your eyes, and your robe is coloured like the
rain cloud.

The travelers will land for different roads and homes. You
will sit for a while on the prow of my boat, and at the journey's
end none will keep you back.

Where do you go, and to what home, to garner your sheaves? I
will not question you, but when I fold my sails and moor my boat
I shall sit and wonder in the evening, -Where do you go, and to
what home, to garner your sheaves?

~ Rabindranath Tagore, 'Lover's Gifts VIII'

Peace, My Heart

Peace, my heart, let the time for
the parting be sweet.

Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.

Let the flight through the sky end
in the folding of the wings over the nest.

Let the last touch of your hands be
gentle like the flower of the night.

Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a
moment, and say your last words in silence.

I bow to you and hold up my lamp
to light you on your way.

~ Rabindranath Tagore, 'The Gardener LXI'

Pic: 'Traveller' by Anastasiya Markovich, Wikipedia

Too Beautiful for Words…

2010-02-07T16:51:00.009+10:00

How do I start? How do I tell you how Blackest Night Wonder Woman # 3 wraps itself so beautifully that my heart is filled with the warm glow of love? Maybe by saying thank you (again) to Greg Rucka (story), Nicola Scott (art), Jonathan Glapion (ink) and Nei Ruffino (colour).

The first pages said it all: Wonder Woman’s love to all creation is her greatest asset. Star Sapphire Carol Ferris delivered the truth, that although Diana was the only hero possessed by a black ring when the violet ring searched for her, Diana could break through and reach out. “Enough of you remained that the violet could reach you, and that you could do what no one else could do… and reach back. That’s never happened before.”

And that is because of “The love [Diana] carry for…for everything, for the entirety of creation…it’s limitless. I’ve never encountered anything like it.” Carol Ferris, I second your notion. It might sound cheesy, but Diana is truly the embodiment of love, and she should befriend Kabir, Jalaluddin Rumi, Hafiz, Khalil Gibran and Rabindranath Tagore, were those great poets still alive by now.

Unlike Blackest Night WW#1 which was ‘interrupted by Blackest Night #5 before you can understand BN WW#2, the story in #3 follows right through the previous issue. Wonder Woman marveled at her beautiful violet ring… "Too beautiful for words", but dare I say that Nicola Scott’s art above pretty much represents itself.

BN WW#3 also showed Diana’s humour (or is that Rucka’s? Or both?). I like the way Greg Rucka wrote Wonder Woman during his run, but his Diana was rather too sombre then. Now in BN WW, Rucka progressed by showing that Diana is not only honourable; she’s also funny. Not the plastic sense of humour a la Plastic Man or Flash (animated version), neither Alfred Pennyworth’s British sense of humour, but funny nonetheless. Almost akin to the way Gail Simone writes WW’s sense of humour. Anyway. Diana ran into Max Lord… long story short, as Max said ‘Woof! I like the girls who play rough!”, Wonder Woman punched his zombie body with a now-classical line, “I’m not a GIRL, Max!”. Then as Max’ skull launched another innuendo (‘So…what’re you doing after?’), Diana just kicked his skull around. Heh. Another writer who could portray Diana’s unique sense of humour was Joe Kelly during his JLA runs. Wonder Woman joked around with Batman and Plastic Man in different ways, and laughed when Faith asked if she dated Superman. Really funny, if you ask me.

Wonder Woman’s preference towards non violence was clearly shown as she later encountered an angry Mera. As an Amazon, it was not difficult for her to defeat Mera. But since Mera already transformed into a Red Lantern, a being fed by anger, it would be hard for Diana (even with her new violet ring) to curb down Mera’s assaults. Carol put it in perspective as “She’s a Red Lantern. You can’t calm that kind of rage!”

Yet, Diana persisted. She made a violet dome, locked herself in with the wrathful Mera, and reasoned with her. Yes, Mera attacked her, yes Diana had to dodge and steer to protect herself, but she stood corrected. Her ring tried to see beneath Mera’s anger and hatred, but couldn’t. At least couldn’t do it alone. Thus, Wonder Woman took out her lasso and showed her friend the truth.

And the truth was revealed. Apparently the combination of Diana’s Lasso of Truth and the Star Sapphire ring revealed Mera’s hidden hatred towards herself. It related to Arthur Curry Aquaman (Mera’s husband), their baby (who might be dead?) and the love between Arthur and Mera, which I think is very very lovely (and boy, what a hot kiss they shared there!). I don’t know a lot about the DC Atlantis tales (weird, since I’m a marine biologist…), but it turned out that Mera’s anger originated from her hatred towards herself (whatever the issues were between her and her husband). As Diana later suggested, the only way to address it is by telling the truth.

Since she couldn’t accept that telling her husband the truth would be a new beginning, Mera volleyed back at Diana. “The Lasso showed me your heart the same way it showed you mine. What is the truth there?” What was Diana’s inner truth that Mera saw? Here we go…

“You never spoke a word,” said Mera, to which Diana replied with, “Because there was nothing that ever needed saying. And even if there had been…” Diana slowly cast her eyes down in regret, “… it’s too late for that, now.”

She then looked up again and touched Mera’s shoulder. “But perhaps not for you. Not if we survive the night.” Diana meant that it was not too late for Mera, for she could still tell Aquaman that she loves him and wants him back. I would, if I were Mera.

Non Batwondy readers will be confused, but a Batwondy fan like me immediately understood that Diana referred to her ‘friendship only’ resolution with Batman in JLA#90 (DC comics, issued in November 2003) more than 6 years ago (really, that long?!). We Bruce/Diana fans always felt that the resolution was forced and ended abruptly. It still feels forceful to read many DC issues where Bruce and Diana are mere friends. Worse, the Trinity arc stated that Diana saw him as her brother. Please. Quoting one of my colleagues at the BMWWArkham (I forgot whom, a while ago)… ‘I never looked at my brother the way Diana looked at Bruce’. So true.

Anyway. Doesn’t matter now, does it? Because Bruce Wayne, the Batman, is dead. That’s why Diana said that it was too late now. Too late to tell him that she actually loved, loves him as a woman loves a man.

But, oh wait! We know that Bruce Wayne is still alive! We know that he shall return! We just don’t know how…yet. And when he does return from the dead… will DC let Bruce/Diana romance blossom… or just kill it with another dream machine a la JLA#90, or another lame excuse?

I honestly don’t know. It’s very easy to fall into despair as well. But hey… Bruce/Diana stories, or hints of it, have survived since the 80s during the Brave and the Bold and JLA series, slowly but sure tailing and rivaling the Bruce/Selina or Clark/Diana stories. There is no reason to fear that anyone can kill Bruce/Diana romance now. They can try, but I have faith that Batwondy romance will live on. At least in fanfictions. And – with Blackest Night Wonder Woman as the latest official record – it’s good enough for me…

Several more notes. My beta reader Hepburn said that she thought very highly of Nicola’s way of depicting Bruce and Diana gazing lovingly at each other. I have to agree. I love Bruce and Diana kissing in BN WW#2, but their silent gazing was also beautiful and poetic. The hot kiss was crowned to Arthur and Mera this time though. Boy, I never paid attention to this couple, but they’re a hot old married couple! They’re like Spiderman and Mary-Jane Parker; meant for each other…

Secondly, Nicola Scott’s mother passed away recently (see Gail Simone’s message in CBR). Nicola has painted a very beautiful artwork for her mother in Facebook. Please pray for her and her family, for she has not only given many of us joy with her lovely works, but she’s also a wonderful woman in her own rights…

I close this post with a poem of love. I was tempted to find something from Odysseus, but I’m no expert in Greek romance. Hence, I pulled out an old poem from India’s Rabindranath Tagore. I can easily picture Bruce Wayne, somewhere in Iraqi desert 9,000 years back in the past, gazing at the diadem night sky and reciting this poem for Diana.

I Dreamt

I dreamt that she sat by my head, tenderly ruffling my hair with
her fingers, playing the melody of her touch. I looked at her face
and struggled with my tears, till the agony of unspoken words burst
my sleep like a bubble.

I sat up and saw the glow of the Milky Way above my window,
like a world of silence on fire, and I wondered if at this moment
she had a dream that rhymed with mine.

All pictures are from Blackest Night Wonder Woman #3, story by Greg Rucka, art by Nicola Scott, ink by Jonathan Glapion, and colour by Nei Ruffino.

The Spiritual Kiss

2010-01-28T19:02:00.025+10:00

I still have the Kiss shared by Batman and Wonder Woman in Blackest Night Wonder Woman #2 (now officially a holy book for Batwondy fans!) lingering in my mind, despite it took place in a virtual reality created by Lady Aphrodite to contain a rampaging Black Lantern WW (see the previous post to make sense of it). Hence, this post.

And I promise you that this post will still be confusing for non DC comic readers or JL Animated cartoon watchers. Heck, it’s likely to confuse my fellow Batwondy fans, even! But I need to address this. I need to share with you why I see the kiss as beyond physical. Why I see it as reaching a spiritual level as well.

To do so, I need to make some disclaimers:

1. I don’t see anything wrong with seeing the kiss as very sexy. God, it IS very sexy. Alluring. Seducing. Nicola Scott really knows how to draw a sexy yet poetic kiss. I’m glad she’s with DC now.

2. Some references I shall make here will confuse many readers, particularly those unaccustomed with Vedic tradition, a very generic tradition I’m about to source. It’s not that these examples can only be found in Vedic books; I am certain that other traditions have some similar examples as well. I shall try my best to explain with my understanding that stems out of love.

3. As I will use these references in love, I shall disagree with fellow Vedic followers who might think of this post as a sacrilege or blasphemy, for trying to link human love with divine love. For… ah… where is the line, actually? Our true, pure, unconditional human love is basically a divine love as well, and a divine love can only be understood if we humans have experienced human love.

Enough of confusing you, now let’s start.

I see the kiss between Batman and Wonder Woman in BN WW#2 as beyond physical, entering spiritual plane, because (among others) I can see its similarities with the love and passions shared by Shiva and Parvati in the saga of Kali. I say ‘among others’ because there are many occasions where you would kiss your beloved and experience a spiritual sensation, in addition to physical one, thus blurring the lines human and divine loves. I can feel those sensations, so I don’t see why you can’t reach it. You must have done it even at least once in your life. Kissing someone so deep, you know it’s not a mere kiss.

Now, who are Shiva and Parvati? Vedic cosmology 101: Shiva is most famously known as the ‘last’ of the Trinity, the Greatest Divine Powers (in addition to Brahma the Creator and Vishnu the Caretaker). Shiva is mostly known as the Destroyer (because one of his jobs is to recycle everything back to zero), although he has at least 108 names attached to him; more than half of which refer to his blissful and glorious traits: The Auspicious One, Conqueror of Death, Lord of the Dance (Nataraj), Bearer of the Ganges (Gangadhara), etc. Lady Uma or Parvati is Shiva’s consort, or Shakti (the Feminine Energy). Parvati is often depicted as a very nurturing and (also) alluring All Mother. Her second version is called Durga – a warrior goddess riding a white Himalayan tiger and carrying multiple weapons. I love this Mother Durga, I can relate to her easily (I even saw a fan-art of Wonder Woman with her lion pet, makes me relate to her more!).

Parvati’s third version is Kali, the Terrible Beauty. Once there was Raktabija, a terrible demon who can’t be killed (you chop his head and – as his spilled blood hit the ground – his blood will grow lots of his clones). The only way to kill him is by drinking his blood out clean, and that’s when Kali was needed. Durga morphed into Kali (or some legends said Kali emerged from Durga’s third eye,) as a terrible dark beauty of long matted hair and stuck out tongue, wearing a garland of skulls. Kali slaughtered Raktabija and his clones, drinking their blood clean. Problem solved…not. Because Kali was a primal force, she could not stop. She went on to threaten the heaven, almost killing the devas, until her husband Shiva stepped in.

In the traditional depiction, Shiva pretended to be Kali’s enemy and let her almost crushing his chest with her feet. But then, as Kali was about to do so, she suddenly realized that she was about to trample her own beloved. Kali’s anger disappeared and the real Parvati re-emerged. There is another version where Shiva morphed into a little child and, with his cry, tamed Kali who then picked the child and nurtured him. But for the sake of comparison with Batman and Wonder Woman, I stick with the first version.

Of course there are differences between the events in BN WW#2 and the legend of Kali. BN WW involves humans (in DCU) and the legend of Kali involves Deities. Wonder Woman in the Blackest Night was affected by a dark power, hence almost killing her friends. Mother Kali was different; she appeared out of choice from Parvati/Durga to save the universe. But both feminine entities need something graceful to take them out of their trance. Both Diana and Kali needed love to bring them back into the light. In the case of Kali, it was her husband Shiva. In the case of Diana, it was Bruce, who is not even officially romantically related to her.

The bluish pictures below (originals are purplish; blame my scanner) are not the traditional pictures depicting Shiva and Kali; these are from The Book of Shiva, a comic book created by Deepak Chopra, beautifully written by Saurav Mohapatra, and gorgeously pencilled by Abishek Singh. For this entry's purpose, I like this team’s interpretation because it really showed me the romantic side of Shiva/Parvati and Kali’s inner struggle before re-emerged as Parvati (see my older review about The Book of Shiva here). Side by side with BN WW#2, I hope you see the similarities between them.

The lovers came to help the beloved back into light.

The spark of recognition...

...and Surrender into Love...

Go back to the Kiss. Why do I call the kiss between Bruce and Diana as a spiritual kiss as well (in addition to a very hot sensual kiss?). Because the kiss symbolizes or triggers elevated awareness. In comparison to Shiva-Kali, there was no kiss in the Shiva-Kali story. But – as in BN WW#2 – there were exchanged looks. There were sparks of recognition. And from there, came the light and understanding.

In the case of Bruce and Diana kissing in BN WW#2, although it only happened in a virtual reality created by Aphrodite, I don’t think the Goddess herself purposely invited Bruce’s image to enter the reality. Aphrodite might ‘only’ program it so that Diana’s subconscious invited her loved ones to come and stop her. The fact that Bruce’s appearance was the one triggering Diana’s awareness means that it was Bruce who was ‘powerful’ enough to drag Diana out of her dark self. Diana’s realization process did not start when she kissed Bruce. Rather, the kiss was the ultimate act that brought back her love for all creation.

I hope you understand my ramblings. And yet, I also understand if my explanations here seem to be in vain. For how can such beauty be expressed in words? Words can only capture parts of it, if not reducing its beauty…

To close this entry, I’d like to quote Batman’s comment when Diana asked him to have faith, that Phobos, Deimos and Eris (children of Ares God of War) would not take Gotham City ('Gods of Gotham' by Phil Jimenez). Batman said: “I don’t need faith Princess, when I have you.”

It seems that in this case, Batman is not the only one who has faith in Wonder Woman. Turns out, Diana also has faith in Bruce. And that kiss of faith shows it.

All Batman & Wonder Woman arts are by Nicola Scott (story by Greg Rucka)
All contemporary Shiva Parvati arts are by Abishek Singh (story by Saurav Mohapatra)
Pic2: Shiva-Parvati, forgot the source, taken long ago, sorry...
Pic3: the classical iconography of Kali and Shiva, from flickr.com

In Darkness, Love must Triumph

2010-01-24T17:32:00.025+10:00

Okay. My regular readers will not understand why I branch out to comic book this time, but if you read my first (and the only entry so far) about this topic here, you will begin to understand. Or so I hope. Anyway. Doesn’t matter. For I am ECSTATIC!!! Thank you so much, Greg Rucka! God bless you!

Okay. Ahem. Get back on trail. I’ve been on high like this since yesterday, since I picked up my Wonder Woman #39 and Blackest Night WW#2 from my local comic shop. I belatedly read WW#39 because I was away for a month, but still… I salute thee, Gail Simone, for wrapping the gigantic Warkiller arc magnificently. Thank you.

Enters Blackest Night Wonder Woman #2. I started this arc, superbly written by Greg Rucka and beautifully penciled by Nicola Scott, with no intention to read the main Blackest Night stories, for it just gives me headache. Thank God for Wikipedia. But I was, still am, more than willing to read the WW tie-ins, for… hey, it’s Wonder Woman! Plus, Greg Rucka was a respected WW writer, clearly still in love with Diana, and he’s been communicating with Gail Simone as well, so the characterization fits in. Blackest Night WW#1 – where Diana fought against the resurrected Maxwell Lord whom she killed to save a mind-controlled Superman – was amazing. I don’t have the book with me, but it just reaffirms my belief in Wonder Woman. In Diana, in her faith in Love.

Comes Blackest Night WW#2, just a week or so ago, and it shows Wonder Woman morphed into a Black Lantern after she was infected by that black ring. As the bearer of the black ring, Diana almost killed Mera, Queen of the Atlantis. She also seemed to Wonder Girl, Donna Troy and even Hippolyta, until a Batarang flew and stopped her.

Batman (Bruce Wayne version) stepped in and told her to stop. The Black Diana refused and had another fight with him, but the real Diana within realized that it cannot be... for "Bruce is dead..."

But here’s the fun part. So far I know, the black ring’s power can only be broken by a force more powerful than its own. In Diana’s case, it should be the power of Love, which is represented as a violet ring in the DC term. Violet ring also belongs to the Star Sapphire Corps, which strangely does not include male heroes, for apparently DC thinks that males are incapable of loving (I strongly disagree, of course). Now, in BN WW#1, Diana used her Lasso of Truth to dispel Max Lord’s army. But seems that the lasso did not function when she was infected by the black ring. Diana needs another source of love to break free, and her subconscious chose Bruce Wayne, the Batman.

And the Batman in her mind said the same thing that the real Batman would: “Stop it, Diana. Now. This isn’t you, Princess.”

Diana wrestled him, but then, hands choking each other, she remembered not only that Bruce was dead… but that she loved him as well. Batman and Black Wonder Woman kissed, the Black Diana started to glow into the real Diana, and a strand of violet ray hit her.

It was a violet ring, bearer of the power of Love. And Lady Aphrodite, who had been protecting Diana from her dark self. Story told short, Diana took the violet ring, severed the connection with the black ring, and became a Star Sapphire.

What does the Batman mean here? If one read Comics Alliance’s review, one might agree that it was just the way DC portrays the Batman as the ultimate problem solver. But I don’t see it that way. I’ve been reading Greg Rucka’s Wonder Woman since Down to Earth, and I can see how he did not choose to present Batman in BN WW#2 randomly, nor that he sees Batman as the generic DC problem solver (hey, why don’t you ask Batman to stop the rampaging Superman then?).

No. Rucka sees what I and many other Bruce/Diana fans see: that they are truly compatible; that their friendship can actually extend to a beautiful love story. If allowed. Quoting Jane Donovan, my colleague from the Batman WW Arkham: "It is [Diana's] love for him that brings her back. Batman pulls Wonder Woman out of the darkness and into the light. The guy they always say is just too dark and gritty for her." Agree. Batman is actually the light in the dark, not the darkness it self.

And I have records for that. Just from Greg Rucka's WW: Sacrifice arc, where Superman punched Diana so hard, and what she thought was... Bruce. His battered body after nearly being slaughtered by Superman. Bruce and Bruce, until she slammed back to the Earth. And during the Down to Earth arc, Diana asked Batman to investigate the murder of a protester outside her embassy, with full approval from Alfred Pennyworth. (see NoahOz's site for an excellent compilation of BatWondy files throughout the DC publications).

You know what? I begin to really think that Rucka is secretly an admirer of Bat and Wondy! It is not a secret that DC will never let Diana and Bruce together, not in the mainstream universe at least. Even Gail Simone (bless her) has stated that she disagreed with Bruce/Diana pairing, except for elseworld stuffs (and I do respect her opinion). But here we have the first kiss scene after JLA's Obsidian Age, and I forever thank Rucka for that.

BN WW#2 also reminds me of how Rucka really loves Diana. Admittedly, there were times during his run a few years ago that I flinched, for it was very dark and desperate sometimes. But still, Rucka understands that Diana is truly the embodiment of ‘love for all creation’, and that what makes me love this book. It sets a different tone from the rest of the dark Blackest Night stories. I am also grateful for the traditional, loving depiction of Aphrodite. Rucka used to portray this Goddess of Love as a &#^@* with nothing but a roll of tissue covering tiny bits of her parts… but in this book, the Goddess was restored as the doe-eyed Embodiment of Love, pretty much the way George Perez and Phil Jimenez portrayed her. Thank you, Greg Rucka!

One last comment. I disagree with DC’s concept for Emotional Spectrum, which to me undermines the true meaning of those colors. Although I like the interpretation of several spectra (green for willpower, blue for hope, indigo for compassion), it seems to me that DC only sees some colors in terms of negativities. In this case: red for anger, orange for avarice, yellow for fear, violet/purple for unattained love. According to the true chakra system, all colors are beneficial to us, if maintained in balance. Red is about passion (but excessive red leads to anger), orange is for creativity (yet excessive orange leads to lust), yellow for wealth (but too much fire is no good either), green is for love (heart chakra), blue is for communication (throat chakra), indigo (brow chakra) for higher awareness and intuition, and purple (crown chakra) for pure consciousness. In this case, I agree with Comics Alliance that DC needs to have clear distinctions or definitions between compassion (indigo ring) and love (violet ring), for to me those words are interchangeable.

See, to me love is not a mere state of emotion. Love is a state of being. True love is not wobbly, it does not falter. Love is higher than any other emotions, and it can expel fear, for there is no fear when you have love within you. In this case, I can understand why Rucka (or DC) chose Wonder Woman as the bearer of a violet ring. Diana’s ability for universal love can give fresh meaning for the Star Sapphire Corps, from women who were hurt by ‘love’ into women (and men hopefully) who are the embodiment of true unconditional love.

“In darkness, love must survive,” said Aphrodite, encouraging Diana to take the violet ring. Wonder Woman took it; the violet ring shattered the connection of the black ring.

“It must do more…,” replied Diana as she flew to the sky in her new Star Sapphire uniform. “It must triumph.”

I can’t agree more! Thank you, Rucka! Thank you, DC!

All pix by Nicola Scott, ink by Jonathan Glapion, colour by Nei Ruffino (Blackest Night WW#2)

PS 25 January 2010:

I just remembered one thing. I got this scan from NoahOz's site, from BN WW#1 (arts by Nicola Scott). The funny thing about this pic: Batman's death was the ONLY death where Diana was NOT present (Diana was present in both Hippolyta's and Artemis's deaths). Yet Rucka showed it in the panel. Hah! He could've shown Donna Troy's instead... but he chose Batman's death there. Thanks Rucka!

PS 28 Jan 2010:

Check Rokk's Comic Book Revolution for another interesting review for this book, of course with approval for Batwondy pairing ^_^

I See You (A commentary of Avatar)

2010-01-12T21:23:00.010+10:00

I’d been wanting to watch Avatar since the trailers hit cinemas in town, but in all honesty, I thought it was a violent movie about the natives versus the Almighty Americans (no offense my dearest American friends)… until I read Stephen Simon’s entry about Avatar in Holistic Asia, and realized that it was actually a spiritual movie.

Hence, I painted my eyes with glittering soft blue eye shadow, and onwards went to the local cinema here in Yogyakarta, making my way through the snaking queue of people in want of watching either Avatar, Sherlock Holmes (so not elementary, Watson!), and The Princess and the Frog (have to watch that one too!). I didn’t regret I spent almost half an hour in the queue.

James Cameron’s Avatar was a treat.

True, I sobbed a lot during the movie (guess which scenes?), ooh-ed and aah-ed during the beautiful panoramic views, shed silent tears when our hero and heroine made love under the sacred tree of love, and take my proverbial hat off at the fall of the Brave Trudy.

Avatar reminds me to see something as it is, instead of with my preconditions and perceptions. Paraphrasing Mo'at, Neytiri's mother and spiritual leader of the clan: “The Sky People do not want to learn from us. They came with the glass full.” Snicker. It reminds me of the old Zen tale whereby a disciple keep asking his Master about stuffs, and his master keeps pouring down the tea until it overflows and wet the disciple’s expensive robe.

“Master! Why keep pouring the tea? My cup is already full; it overflows!”

“Why keep asking me questions then?” replied the Master. “You already have your answers in your head.”

But more than that, Avatar made me realize that I was, am still, on the right path. The Path of Mother Earth. I’m one of her daughters, and it’s my duty and privilege to protect her, even from ourselves, her own children.

“You know where I came from,” Jake Sully said to the Soul Tree. “There’s nothing beautiful there. They killed their own mother.”

For the love of my life, Jake… I truly hope no Earthlings will ever need to say it. I truly hope we have not killed Mother Earth, Mother Gaia, Prativi Ma.

No, I am not blinded by all that happens in this planet. I am not blinded by the massive deforestations and ocean acidity, nor the rapid removal of many species. I am not deaf to the silent cry of Mother Earth. I weep with her. I weep and work for her.

But I still have hope that one day, if we are ever going to meet the Omaticaya of Pandora, we are going to greet them like this:

“Greetings, Brothers and Sisters. I See You. I come from another world, much like your own. And though we almost destroyed our own Mother, we managed to save her from ourselves. She is still alive and breathing joyfully, much like Eywa, much like your Great Mother. And I thank the Universe for that.”

I am not blinded by what happens in our planet; by what we have been doing to our Mother. But I still dare to hope for our chance.

Now, does Avatar still play in Sydney? I want to see it in 3D…

PS 15 February 2010:
See also Amy C's article for Top Five Spiritual Lessons from the Avatar movie.

Pic 1: Avatar movie poster, Wikipedia
Pic 2: Zen master and his tea, from here
Pic 3: Seeds of the Soul Tree, by Phantasy Star Deviantart

What is Fear?

2010-01-12T21:12:00.002+10:00

Fear is like a big scary guy that stops you right there and… and forces you to choose something else.

“You cannot go in here,” he says with guttural voice. “Leave. Take another path, left or right. Or… back off.”

But there is another choice. You look at him squarely in the eye and say:

“No. I want to go on. I want to move on. Please kindly step aside. You’re in my way.”

Say it sincerely with confidence. And, after what feels like a millennia,…he the Mr. Fear smiles, bows a bit, and gives way.

“Go ahead,” he says. “Be my guest.”

And behind him… there’s previously an unseen door, or even open space you name it… which is your true goal. Your true happiness you always seek.

Fear, it turns out, is not an enemy.

He is a big scary friend, but he’s a true friend nonetheless. Because he makes us realize what is more important: His scary form… or something behind him, a beautiful thing, state, person…your own self even…hidden from him.

Turns out…when you truly hug and embrace your fears, they do turn into beautiful flowers…

Meeting the Javanese Mother Mary

2010-01-12T20:56:00.008+10:00

“Is Mother Mary a Catholic?” asked my 8 years old nephew innocently. I can’t help replying back with “God, what is your religion?” – something that he wouldn’t understand, in retrospective.

But that’s exactly the point. How do you explain to a child that it’s okay to visit a church, though you’re not officially a Christian? Or visiting a temple tho you’re not registered as a Buddhist or a Hindu? Or enjoying the coolness inside a mosque despite your chosen faith, for that matter?

Since when did it become a matter? Since when did I have to defend my rights to visit any sacred places, regardless of their religious/traditional affiliations? My mother was supremely elated when she found out that I visited the Temple Church of Ganjuran (Gereja Candi Ganjuran), a.k.a. Ganjuran Sacred Heart Church in Bantul, Yogyakarta. She and her second husband immediately related it to me becoming a Christian. How do I explain to her that one of my best friends in Bali often accompanies me to the local temple and she (happens to be a Christian) also prays in her own way?

I guess my mother has enough stuffs to ‘worry’ about. My sister is dating a Moslem Javanese man. A very decent man I’d say, and I’m happy for her. But she has enough problems in explaining to mum that his religion matters not for her.

I can understand my sister. Two Indonesian laws in need of annulment are 1) the 2008/9 porn bill (God, I can write a long article just about that!) and 2) the marriage law (don’t know which year), which states that two Indonesians of different faiths cannot be married. If I recall correctly, it requires that one of the lovers must sacrifice his/her own faith and convert to another’s. IMHO, it creates a false foundation for the marriage. Why can’t you just remain faithful to your own religion and respect your partner’s as well? More than that, not only respecting and tolerating, but appreciating. For the essence, the beauty within, is just the same.

I guess I’m a strong proponent for interfaith marriage in Indonesia; one that is not merely based on respect, but also on appreciation and understanding that each path is uniquely tailored for a person. The connection between a person and the Sacred, the Creator, God, whatever you name it, is a very personal one; it is even more personal than the bond between husband and wife. That’s why it is called a ‘path’. Because it is small and is only walked by one person at a time.

Coming back to the conversation with my nephew. Eventually my sister and I came up with an explanation like this:

“Religion is the way for a person to speak with God. It is up to him/her how to speak with the Almighty. You can speak in Indonesian language, in Javanese, in Balinese… in English, in Mandarin… etc…”

“God can understand?”

“Yes, God can understand. Even if you don’t speak at all, God can still understand. And wherever you pray, whatever your religion is, God still understands.”

That explanation seems to suffice my nephew. With the Javanese gamelan playing in the background, he sat next to my sister in front of the Javanese style Jesus Christ, while I walked to the corner of the compound, to Mother Mary and Baby Jesus. I need not to explain why I was more attracted to this Javanese Mother Mary, but I can try. Perhaps because she reminds me of Lady Isis and Baby Horus, Ma Parvati and Little Ganesh… mother and child. Perhaps I was, am, attracted to her Javanese style. Perhaps I just need to speak to a mother who listens.

“This is Mother Mary?” my nephew was confused with her Javanese garment and hair ornaments. He was used to the cloaked Mother Mary he always saw in churches.

“Yes, this is Mother Mary,” I told him. “This is the same Mother Mary you saw with the cloak inside the church.” I wanted to tell him that I can see the same Mother Mary inside the Vedic Goddesses and Celtic High Ladies… and even in the trees and the stars… but that would confuse him more. It would confuse him more if I say that the Vatican seemed to disagree with the representation of Mother Mary in Javanese Hindu style.

But…yes, this is still Mother Mary. Her Javanese statue, along with the temple church (gereja candi) compound was built in 1930s, the courtesy of the Dutch Schmutzer family for the Motherland of Indonesia.

Yes, she listens to me too. For I am her daughter and she is my Mother.

All pics are my own.
Pic 3 = 'Mother Mary of Ganjuran, I seek Thy Blessings'

It's going to be okay

2009-12-20T22:14:00.004+10:00

It’s going to be okay
by Barin Taylor

It's going to be okay...
Just hang in there
It’s going to be okay
Just give things a little time

And in the meantime…
Keep believing in yourself;
Take the best of care;
Try to put things in perspective;
Remember what’s most important;
Don’t forget that someone cares;

Search for the positive side;
Learn the lessons to be learned;
And find your way through to the inner qualities…
The strength, the smiles, the wisdom and the optimistic outlook
That are such special parts of you.

It’s going to be okay

I know it will be
Because I know you

The discourse between boxes and non-boxes: what eventually matters is Love

2009-12-08T18:25:00.011+10:00

There are times when you made a decision to go somewhere or do something because you believe in the cause, and despite your rather limited funding, you don’t regret doing it. In fact, had you missed it, you would truly regret it, knowing how beautiful it could have been for you.

It was the feeling I had when I visited Mother India January this year. It was also the feeling I had (still have) as my cheapie Jetstar took off from Melbourne to Townsville yesterday (7 Dec09) after attending the 2009 Parliament of World’s Religions. I had to go back early (the conference finishes tomorrow, 9 Dec with the speeches from His Holiness Dalai Lama and Uncle Bob Randall) because of some time and financial constrains, but I did not regret going. At all. Well, now I have to keep a very good eye on what I buy etc until my next payment, but again, I am very grateful that I did go to Melbourne.

For all five senses of mine (and my sixth sense as well) were ‘assaulted’ with beauty. Vibrant colours, sounds and voices from many cultures and traditions of the world welcomed me. There at the south bank of Yarra River in Melbourne, I met lots and lots of beautiful souls from every religion, tradition and culture on Earth. It was a privilege for me to meet them, for I didn’t even know until then that a Sikh woman would dress up with a white kurta pyjama or salwar kameez and white turban. Or that a Tibetan monk actually wears his saffron and burgundy robe differently from a Chinese monk, despite the similar colour scheme.

And I identify with them. I identify myself with the Tibetan monks or the beautiful Odissi dancers who danced for Lord Krishna, Lady Durga and Lord Shiva. I understand the pains of my innocent Moslem and Sikh brothers and sisters who were hunted down in the aftermath of the 9/11 tragedy in the U.S., just because they looked like terrorists. I in turn narrated the plight of ‘the minorities’ (like myself) and the moderates in Indonesia, who hope to maintain Indonesia’s cultural and religious diversities under Pancasila (The Five Pillars) and Bhinneka Tunggal Ika (Unity in Diversity) despite voices from the radicals. And – just as I was moved to tears in learning during the Divine Feminine session how our Divine Mother finally returned to us after her long millennia sabbatical leave – I also hope that Indonesia will soon become a feminine country again; a loving and embracing country that nurtures and protects all her citizens despite their cultures, religions, and other backgrounds, the way a Mother would.

I also met those who do not claim to be part of any religion at all, but still showing love and compassion to Life. To God. To the Grand Force I perceive as the Grand Creator or Creatress. They are no less compassionate than those who belong to a particular religion. Instead, they are very full of love and understanding. Sometimes I identify myself better with them because I often have to struggle to answer the simple question of ‘What is your religion?’

I suppose… I also don’t identify myself with a certain religion. I mean, I do lots of Vedic chanting and prayers, and also conduct daily yoga in the morning. But I don’t see myself as a Hindu per se. I also do Buddhist meditations, and I love doing Sufi whirling. I am crazy about Celtic Pagan tradition, particularly when talking about the Goddess, akin to the way the Shakta would love the Great Mother Durga. I do have my roots and faith. But I don’t identify myself with only one tradition or religion. All are beautiful to me. And despite my years of struggle to accept that weird part of me, now I am in peace with myself. I accept that I do not belong to a particular box of religion. I respect all boxes. I practice the teachings of some boxes, and they have been nourishing me… but I am more of a soul that is happy to be out of the box, happy to just be in Love.

Hence, when it comes to the discourse between box and non-box, between those who believe that one must have a particular religion for one’s own good and those who believe that one can appreciate the beauty of all religions and traditions and yet still earns the right to be free out of the box, I have to take side with the non-box one. Bearing in mind not to create a new non-box box. If you know what I mean.

See, I believe that it is good to teach the children the beauty of all traditions in the world, and then when they are old enough to consciously choose they should be encouraged to either choose a tradition/religion/belief they feel suit them or choose to be a free spirit who lives outside the box yet still be loving and kind.There is also nothing wrong to hold on to your religion/tradition – that proves to add colours, sounds and voices during the Parliament. But, as I respect those who chooses to still be rooted in their religion of choice, please also be respectful of those who decide that they have outgrown the boxes. And although I understand the need to identify oneself with a religion/tradition, eventually we have to outgrow it and become humankind. It’s okay to say that ‘I’m a Christian, Moslem, Hindu, Sikh, a non-faith but loving person’ – those are our personal paths we chose to walk on. We need that at personal levels. But eventually at non personal levels, with all due respect, I think we must drop the labels and be human beings. Just humans who embody love and peace within.I understand that this ‘out of the box’ thing is still difficult to address, even at the Parliament. I do not have the exact quote, but the slogan I heard during the international plenary was something like ‘You come with your belief intact. You don’t leave it at the door. You bring it with you, but with utter and beautiful respect.’ Now that’s a very different thing from the school of thought I believe in now thanks to Swami Anand Krishna, who taught me that we should actually drop our ‘clothes’, jump out of our boxes, and come as human beings.

But I think, feel, that I should respect people who still want to be in boxes. It’s already hard enough to conduct dialogues with people of different faith and refraining from saying ‘my religion this’ or ‘my religion that’. I feel that I should respect those who come in the spirit of true dialog and willingness to listen and understand. Though of course, I can dream of the day where people would say that ‘Hey, that’s so true! For not only Jesus said that, Muhammad, Krishna and Guru Nanak also confirmed it. And I know that the Great Goddess also agrees!’ or something like that.

And dare I dream that the day would eventually come, sooner than later? The day where we celebrate our vibrant diversities without even having to refrain from saying that ‘despite everything, my tradition is still the superior tradition’? For there is no need from refraining; for we know and realise that this is not about superiority or supremacy. Down to its very root, it is about personal path, and it is very uniquely catered to each individual’s personal growth.

Dare I hope? I so dare hope.

And what of people of another box? The atheist or non-believers? See, there is another discourse in the Parliament about it. There are people who believe that those atheists better learn from the believers because religion is the only way to salvation. That these non-believers will basically be condemned to hell for all eternity. I of course respectfully disagree. Thank Gods and Goddesses, there are also leaders in the Parliament who agreed that the non-believers also have the right to choose not to believe. It is their birthright to do so.

I agree. Suppose you are a non-believer… it matters not to me. Because what matters to me eventually is not whether you are a believer of a particular religion or not, but your own personal integrity. My own personal integrity. Your love. My love. Our vibrant need to explore and understand Life with giddy excitement and respect.

For eventually we are one big family of humankind and that we only have one Mother Earth to live in. And – just the enlightened Pagan gentlemen during the ‘Men who Love the Goddess’ stated – if we see Earth as our Great Mother instead of a ‘cash cow’, we would treat her differently. We would treat her with respect. With Love, with capital ‘L’.

PS: The Sacred Music Concert was amazing. I might have to make another post just to tell you about that vibrant night where I was indulged with beautiful sounds and musics from many traditions. God is indeed great...Allahu Aqbar...

Pic 1. Sufi whirling during the Sacred Music Concert
Pic 2. Sand mandala by Gyuto Monks
Pic 3. Waning moon by the bank of Yarra River
All pictures are taken by myself

The Stepmother’s Support Group - not your usual Saturday snack

2009-10-31T16:34:00.006+10:00

It’s weird to read something with such an intense and uncommon theme like The Stepmother’s Support Group (SSG) novel… but authoress Samantha Baker (current editor of Red magazine in UK) has made it so fresh and alight (despite having serious sub-themes inside) that I can’t help but writing a short review about it. About how I enjoyed and admired it.

SSG was not exactly what I needed for a lite ‘chick-lit’ reading after a day(s) of struggling with your thesis. But it’s actually not a wonder why I chose it. I’ve lived with step-somethings almost a third of my life. My parents were divorced and now I have a set of step parents, one is much more dysfunctional than the other. My sister will be a stepmother herself in a year’s time. My cousin remarried as well, so her daughters have a stepfather now. My other cousin is a rebel, for his father remarried again, and he has to cope with the stepmother (actually, it’s the other way around. The stepmother is the one who has to cope with him!). I even once considered myself as a potential stepmother for the children of a man I used to love so much (still love so much), but…it never went that far…

Still. With all the step-somethings around me, I was naturally attracted to reading SSG. And it was a comforting and enlightening journey, if beautiful is still too strange a word to describe it. Knowing that what I felt was something a normal stepdaughter would feel, but actually unnecessary, had my parents been wise enough to be grown ups in their relationships, instead of being teenagers again, at the expense of their children.

So SSG tells a story about five London women: Eve, Clare, Lily, Melanie and Mandy. All of them were either a real stepmother (Mandy), stepdaughters (Clare and Lily), or stepmother-to-be (Eve and Melanie). All of them struggled to either gluing two families, trying to accommodate their spouse’s children, coping with the memory of their spouse’s ex…you name it. And all of them want to make it work. Eve really wants to fix the problems with his partner’s teenager (Ian, the partner, I picture him a combo of Liam Neeson and Richard Armitage; a yummy deadly combination!). Clare has to let go of her ego and let her daughter mingle with her new step-family, including new stepmother. Mandy tries to glue together two families with two sets of (step) children. All of them try hard to defeat the image of ‘stepmonster’, or wicked stepmother. All because of love.

And they made it. Eve and Lily stick with their partners and extended family. Clare and Melanie move on with new men. Mandy splits up with her partner, for she realized he was not what she needed (and vice versa). But all of them do it after consulting with their friends, and most of all, their hearts.

Something I wish my parents would do.

Now, I’ve told you that my parents were divorced…when I was 20. Although at that time I could not understand why it should happen, I now see why they were not matched for each other… and a divorce was bound to happen anyway, one way or the other. But the story wasn’t a smooth divorce (and yes, smooth divorce IS possible!). My mother did not let me and my sister see my father as we wish. We had to sneak out to see him, and I always felt guilty afterwards. In retrospective, it was not fair for us the children. At all. Wrong as he was, he was, is, still our father, and we should not even feel obliged to find excuses to see him. We Indonesians have a saying, “Bekas suami ada, bekas istri ada. Tapi bekas anak tidak ada”. Yes, there are ex-husbands. There are ex-wives. But never there are ex-children.

It’s a complicated thing that created a subconscious pattern in me; that ‘I would never find my dream prince. If I do, I would have to do it the hard way’. I cannot tell you how deep and bad the scar is for my own personality; but suffice to say that it took me years and years to overcome my self-imposed blockages and arrive at the current state of believing in love between man and woman again. Believing that I deserve the best possible mature and healed man for me, as well as the happiest, healthiest, and most prosperous relationship.

Anyway, moving back to my parents and the stepparents. I love my parents, of course. It’s a given. But… I wish they were wiser in dealing with the divorce. Alas, they were not. Forgiveness was something I cannot find in my mother’s book, even after all these years. Letting go is still an alien concept for my father.

My step parents were none the wiser. My stepmother is a… I hate to say it, but a disgrace for the concept of feminity, and deserves (or not?) a post on its own (then again, better not). She and my father are match made in hell, such that I think, for the sanity and health of my father (which has his own faults too), they should just finish it off. Call it a day, get the divorce and move on with their respective lives.

My stepfather should never have encouraged my mother to take side; choosing between me or him. He should have never tried to replace my (faulty) father for me. That thing never worked, will never work, and had created gaps so deep between us (and between me and my mother as well). He is much wiser now, and I can relate to him much better compared to our very rocky and prickly first years… If anything, he certainly understands what Sam Baker said in p. 397 (though I doubt he will ever read the novel):

‘Caro was not gone, she never would be. She was the children’s mother after all. And that was something Eve would never be. But her ghost had moved over, all the same, to make room in the family for Eve.’

Final call: SSG is a very good novel, particularly for those who are familiar with the situation (i.e. having step-somethings in her/his life). They should make a movie out of it. And I want either Liam Neeson or Richard Armitage for Ian Newsome (RA is preferable, due to Ian’s age of 38). Eve… I was thinking of Rachel Weisz…although she might be half a decade older than Eve Owen. We can always call Daniella Denby-Ashe (Margaret Hale in ‘North & South 2005’). Make her a brunette again, and we can have the 21st century, family version of Margaret-Thornton all over again!

And please make the setting in UK. PLEASE make it in London. If you can’t make it all in London, by all means move it to Surrey for some shots, but NEVER, ever change the setting to United States (except for the Boston and New York bits for Melanie). No offense. I do not want the second ‘Shopaholic train wreck’ for my favourite English book. What would you feel if – say – Huckleberry Finn or Little Women has English settings anyway?!

Pic: Cover to SSG, paperback version, from Fishpond.com.au

I'm the World today!

2009-09-30T21:16:00.003+10:00

So my dearest sister-friend told me this site, and I took the quiz, and...

I'm the Universe today!

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Thanks, Sis!

Unite for Climate!

2009-09-30T19:18:00.004+10:00

When are we going to stop labeling one country as developed industrial country, and another one as developing country, and hence one has more responsibility than others, or vice versa? I'm tired of these labels.

When are we going to see that we live in the same planet with limited resources, that eventually the hell with those statistical significance of the data they are debating... or that climate change issue is being politicised by some people? I'm tired of these debates.

Data is important. Accurate numbers are important. Profit sharing may be important. But they are not as important as our hearts. Not as important as our consciousness, our responsibility to Mother Earth...

The price for ignoring this climate change issue is too high to pay. Not merely whether I'm right or another person is right. Not only published papers or reports in fanciful journals. Not even the Nobel Prize.

The price is Mother Earth herself. The hundreds of thousands of ppl displaced due to cyclones and other hazards. The price is our only home...

When the time comes, it matters not if I'm a scientist or a teacher or a farmer. It matters not if I'm an economist or a nurse or a policewoman.

What matters is that I am a human... with my responsibility towards Mother Earth who gives me Life. What matters is my moral and spiritual duty to Her.

Rants for the Bangkok climate change meeting, 28 Sept - 9 Oct 2009...

Pic: Mother Earth

My tips to buying shoes

2009-09-05T17:57:00.023+10:00

"What is it about shoes? I mean, I like most kinds of clothes, but a fabulous pair of shoes can just reduce me to jelly." ~ Becky Bloomwood, 'Shopaholic Abroad'

Since I’m officially a shoeaholic now, and the bloody statistics software I tried to understand has not open up to me yet (this program must be a male!), I think I will just jot down some ideas for myself and whoever wants to read this.

First rule: Love your feet and legs first. Then love your shoes. NOT the other way around. Comfort comes first.

Get that? You buy shoes for your feet and legs. You don’t mould your feet and legs to accommodate your shoes. Well, this rule can be 'stretched' to certain extend, but comfort comes first. Always.

Buying shoes directly at stores

This is a rather piece of cake.
1. Time of purchase: Attempt to buy shoes at the end of the day, for your feet tend to get larger in the afternoon/evening

2. Try, try, try! Don’t worry if the seller isn’t happy at your nth attempt to find the correct pair. NEVER buy a pair of shoes just to please the seller (I almost did that once!). Buy them because you are happy with it.

3. If it’s running shoes/sneakers or boots, always allow about 1cm extra space at the toe pad. Particularly for these types of shoes, they should serve you comfort (and joy, if possible). Make sure that you don’t sacrifice your calves by putting boots that are too tight for them. No boots are sexy when you have to squint and flinch while wearing them.

4. If it’s pump/court shoes or slingbacks, it’s a bit tricky. Colin McDowell said that ‘Shoes which fit well are a modern luxury’. I agree, particularly with pumps and slingbacks. It has to fit just right. Just snug enough for you to walk comfortably without screaming inside your heart (along with the feet). It can’t be too loose either, for it will be like flip-flops and gives blisters at the heels instead of sexiness. BUT you can always do the tricks for loose pumps. Put cushion pads at the ball of feet and, if this is not enough, place bits of cloth remnants at the toe parts to make it snugger. Or place sticky gels at the slingbacks to keep them in place.

5. Heels have to be of the right height. I know that shoe-fetish likes high heels because they accentuate women’s legs and I do agree with that. I just don’t agree that we should sacrifice comfort and health in the name of fashion. Some health-feet websites would recommend approx 2.5” (6cm) maximum height for comfort. Sturdy heels are better than kitten heels (tho those kitten heels are truly cute!), let alone stilettos. See Oh! Shoes for more info, among others. Adding extra gel cushions at the ball of feet helps distributing the weight off our ball of foot as well.

6. Colour: at least you should have three colours, IMO. Black, silver and gold. Then add other colours of your preference: red, orange, pink, blue or even taupe or nude. Pick colours that will go well with your dresses. I tend to pick shoes that complement my dresses/skirts/tops, not the other way around. But if you find a pair of nice shoes with extraordinary colour and you really like it, well, get it. Just make sure you don’t wear it only once (for instance because it clashes with your clothes), for it will be a wasted investment.

Buying shoes online

1. Almost all points above are also applicable for online shoe purchase (except for time of purchase, duh!). The point about the seller is also applicable. Yes, because I tell you what: you have the right to ‘hassle’ sellers for information about the shoes. You have to exercise that right and the seller has to respond to it.

2. Found this handy tip from good buyers at eBay: Measurement, measurement, measurement! Since you can’t try the shoes yourself online, you HAVE to ask for exact measurements to sellers. Don’t rely on the stated size, for size varies according to manufacturers. I go between size AU 8-9 (EU 39-40, UK 6-7), but sometimes I could fit size AU 7 (EU 38, UK 5)! The important measurements you must seek are: insole length, width of ball of foot, and heel height. For boots, add the calf circumference. Then, compare the measurement provided with the fittest pair of shoes you have. If you want to buy pumps, you have to compare it with pumps you already have. If you don’t have pumps, and this will be your first purchase of pump shoes (online, even!), get your feet measured. Check this site on how to do it.

Also remember, if you buy pointy or narrow shoes, you have to add more to the insole length. Ask the seller for the maximum length where the toes end, NOT only the total insole length. Depending on how pointy it is, the maximum length could be 2-3cm shorter than the total insole length, and you should use this shorter one instead of the longer one.

What if it doesn’t fit?!

It happened to me, you know, with my online purchase (with the correct measurement, really! Alas, they were a bit pointy and I wasn't aware of it). Or it often happen that the shoes you tried at the store fit, but then it does not fit anymore at home. If the shoes are just a tad too narrow, you’re saved. But if it’s more than 1 size too small, you better let it go. Don’t mould your feet for the shoes; you're not Cinderella's sisters and no prince to charm anyway. Return the shoes or sell them back at eBay. So this is what I did for shoes that were a bit narrow. They worked the charms, though none of my shoes that required stretching were made of leather (all of stretching techniques are most effective for leather shoes):

1. Hair-dry the shoes (black satin pumps) and wear them right away. The feet will mould the shoes. Wear them around the house or inside your office, just to get your feet used to them.

2. Use the ice technique as Michelle Phan (she’s so cute!) described in YouTube. It worked a bit for my beautiful brocade shoes (tad too narrow at the width), for it breaks the materials so it’s easier to mould

3. Since it’s still not enough, I went to local cobbler and have it stretched. He stretched them for two days and now they’re better. I can walk with it now, tho they’re still a bit narrow (due to the nature of the materials, not because the cobbler didn't do a good job. In fact, he was a good cobbler, and a nice one too!)

4. Buy a shoe stretcher (or two) and stretch the shoes myself. That’s what I plan to do with my brocade shoes (she’s the hardest to break), for she’s already okay now. Just need several stretches more to really make her flexible. I’ve bought one from eBay and I will tell you in a few weeks how it goes! Investing in a shoe stretcher is also good because you can do it all over again with your other shoes, or with shoes that haven't been worn for a long time and shrink a little.

Bottom line: don’t use your own feet to break the shoes. Use other tools/methods for that purpose. Love your feet first, then the shoes

Caring for your shoes

Caring for our shoes make them long-lasting and it means savings in the future, for you don't need to replace them every so often.

1. Keep the shoe boxes to store the shoes. If the shoes came without the box, at least wrap them with tissue paper and keep them inside a plastic bag or purchase a transparent container to keep them in

2. Keep the shoes out of dust and damp. Use water absorber if necessary. Your shoes are your investment, appreciate and take care of them!

3. Some people would put pictures of their shoes at each box for easier identification, but I find it too much to do. I just memorise them, for each pair of shoes came with different boxes, but you’re welcome to do the pix!

4. Do we really need a shoe closet? Well, if you can afford it, why not? But if not, a cupboard or shelves are useful too

5. Invest on shoe shampoo to clean your shoes (particularly the fabric ones), shoe polisher (for the leather ones) and shoe protector (that’s a spray to apply layers of protection on top of the shoes). They’re worth it, and the shampoo has nice fragrance. Clean the shoes regularly and let them dry before storing them properly

Caring for your feet

I believe that healthy feet contribute significantly to healthy body and good life. Here's what I do to myself towards that purpose:

1. Don't wear high heel too often. We have loads of fashionable flat shoes nowadays, the Gladiator style and ballet flats are good examples. Giselle Bundchen has been producing a great line of comfy Ipanema sandals. Choose them for daily wear instead of high heels, if possible. If your work place requires high heels, always keep a pair of ballet flats or similar comfy shoes behind your desk so that you can interchangeably wear them during breaks. But you might want to still add up to 2.5cm height to those flats, for it helps reducing pain in the shins, or so these guys said.

2. Do feet exercise. Turn one foot slowly left to right, and then the other. Massage them. Love them. Talk to them. They take you everywhere. If the battle ensues between feet and shoes, make sure you're on the feet side, not the other way around. You want to keep walking straight as you can even though you're reaching 70!

3. If occasion arises for high heels, make sure you have enough padding in them. Use gel cushion, heel pads and other tools easily available in local chemists to increase the comfort. After the exciting party, make sure that you take care of your feet again. Massage them, thank them for the good dance/party, and sleep with elevated legs to release the pressures.

Good luck! Remember, love your shoes. But love your feet first!

Pic1. Clipartof.com
Pic 2. Cinderella's glass pump shoes, from fanpop.com
Pic 3. Poor Anastasia... from Popcorn UK

The Invitation

2009-09-04T20:09:00.002+10:00

Special thanks to Ee for sending me this beautiful poem...

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Pic: Vnssa from Deviantart

Why do I love Becky Bloomwood?

2009-09-03T15:42:00.004+10:00

I was being sulky a few weeks ago, and chose to counteract it by re-reading two of the Shopaholic books by Sophie Kinsella that I have. I hence re-read Shopaholic Abroad (where she shopped till dropped in NYC) and Shopaholic & Baby (that was really really cute!). Then I pondered why I liked this series so much, because… it’s actually about a very consumptive girl who can’t stop herself shopping. It’s very non-academic, not so enlightening (or is it), and seriously, I have lots of tings to do. But as a girlfriend of mine said, hey, it’s okay to read no-brainer chick-lit once in a while!

And you know what? She’s right! I don’t think writing a good chick-lit like the Shopaholic series is a no-brainer; Sophie Kinsella was clearly very smart and knowledgeable to be able to write a very captivating series. But reading the (seemingly) no-brainer theme of a shopaholic is, well, no brainer. It’s an escape from day-to-day academic world. The Shopaholic series is definitely one of my favourite series. The books, I mean. Not the movie. Isla Fisher did a good job as a Yankee Becky. But I couldn’t relate to the Hugh Dancy’s version of Luke Brandon, the beau, tho Dancy is also an Englishman. I picture Luke Brandon as taller, better framed, and also a bit more reserved, but funny at the same time…

Anyway. Book-wise, I can identify myself with Rebecca Bloomwood, the main character. I mean, I am NOT a crazy shopaholic like her, but I do enjoy shopping and once in a while cracked in Ebay and oh those kind of things… But the point is, I can relate to Becky. Particularly after I gained an unexpected passion for shoes (particularly pump shoes) recently (don’t ask!) and have to steer my friend’s conversation to non-saving themes every time she ask about it (cos I am saving for my mortgage. Really, I am!). Ahem. Anyway. I can see why shopping is really a distracting activity, including online shopping (I have love and hate relationship with eBay…).

But most of all, what I admire from Becky is her innate ability to bounce back after crisis. True, she usually caused her own crisis, but she never ran away from it. Well, yeah, getting sulky for days or weeks… but eventually she came around and overcame it pretty well. Selling most of her stuffs to pay for her astronomical debt in Shopaholic Goes Abroad is the best example. Also running up the hill with high heels to make amend with her long-lost sister, that’s another thing.

Becky is so relatable. She’s not flawless, but she learns from her mistakes. She is also a girl with golden heart who truly cares for others. There’s another thing I admire from Becky. Well, a bit jealous too, perhaps. For she has an excellent husband called Luke Brandon that was so compatible with her. Well, of course the prim Englishman Luke doesn’t agree with Becky’s shopaholic habit, and Becky is often pissed off with Luke’s policy of ‘don’t tell your girlfriend/wife about your businesses’… but they truly love and support each other.

And they learned from their ups and downs. Luke seems to be more mature by the end of the Baby story. He involves Becky in his decision makings, including preparing her with the possibility of bad financial prospects for the months to come. Becky is also better at managing their finances and she grows out her habit of listening to other people’s gossips and jumping to conclusions (the last one she shares with me too; I also am trying not to jump to conclusions now…).

And one of the most important things that made me love Becky (or rather, Kinsella for writing her so well) the most is what she said in Shopaholic & Baby. It was after she and Luke had a talk about the possibility that Luke had an affair with Venetia, Becky’s celeb obs-gyn), and of course Luke denied that wholeheartedly. Which was true anyway. Luke was acting weird for months because Brandon Communications was in trouble, and he didn’t want to worry Becky and baby in the womb.

So this is what Becky then told us the audience (p. 286):

“In the end, you have to choose whether or not to trust someone. And I do choose. I do.”

And you know what? She’s right. In the end, I choose to trust. Period.

Pic: Shopaholic & Baby from Amazon UK

Breaking the patterns: Healing at cellular memory level

2009-07-02T16:56:00.009+10:00

Again, I have data analysis to do, but my right brain kept begging me to write this down, so here we are. Right brain, the intuition wins. Let’s hope this is a useful epiphany for you dear friend, for it definitely is for me.

First, I would like to acknowledge (again) Christiane Northrup, MD (Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom) for her amazing book that I have yet finished reading, for it seems like chewing up the last bites of a very delicious meal. I am utterly most grateful for the research and wisdom she unravelled for us there. Other women I would like to thank are a sisterhood of Jane Austen fans, mainly Laurie Viera Rigler (Rude Awakening of a Jane Austen Addict) and Mariana Gheorghe, whose recent article in the Becoming Jane Fansite about Bad Tuesdays for Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy has unconsciously triggered a new shed of awareness in me.

By now, you would be quirking your nicely trimmed eyebrows, for what is the relationship between Northrup’s feminine bodily wisdom and the deceased British authoress of the Regency Period? Two phrase: cellular memories and repetitive patterns.

Now, based on Ellen Moody’s Austen calendar, Mariana has discovered that certain Tuesdays seemed to be Bad Tuesdays for Jane Austen, in accordance to her star-crossed love with Tom Lefroy. At first, it seems like hocus-pocus, is it not? For how could a person have a repeated misfortune as such? But then… a phrase emerged from Laurie’s latest book that stunned me: Cellular memories.

I’ve read at a glance about cellular memories in Christiane’s book. Researches have found that every cell has its own intelligence, its own ‘brain’ if we may… and with intelligence, comes the ability to retain memories. See Maat.com for better understanding about cellular memories, the article is amazing.

The gist is that every cell in our body has the ability to store memories. Should any event, condition, scene or even just a mere word, smell, or sound appears before us, our cells can automatically link that event etc to a certain event in the past. If the event was blissful, we will feel happy. If it was beautiful, but no longer applicable (lost love, perhaps?), we will feel blue. If it was painful or even a near-death experience, we will feel a sudden fear, anger, an urge to flight, etc. Get what I mean? Surely you’ve experienced it before. An event that had nothing to do with you, but you found yourself inexplicably happy, or sad, or angry. Or even burst into tears.

We could then remember what happened in the past that made us feel as such. A lovely song might remind us of someone we love, but no longer with us. A woman wearing a certain dress might remind us of our high school cheerleader that consistently insulted us (ah… those days…). Etc etc etc. We then understood why we reacted that way. If we are aware enough, we could put everything in its perspective, and move on. Leaving the past behind us.

But more often than not, those events also involved suppressed memories we are not even aware of. We forgot, but our cells did not. Hence, faced by a certain event, our cellular memories kick in, and we react exactly the way we used to react to that event before, that might happen five or ten years ago.

Coming back to Jane Austen, I’m not sure why the Bad Tuesdays happened. But perhaps, PERHAPS, in her subconscious, she named a certain Tuesday bad because of her broken heart. She was tremendously sad, but perhaps – being a natural sunshine person she was – she tried to suppress it. But… alas, her body remembered the pain. Her broken heart. Her tears even. Unconsciously henceforth, she carried the wound, believing that Tuesdays would bring bad news or events to her. Put it in Laurie’s words (Rude Awakening, p.277): “Your body remembers that a year ago today or ten years ago today, you felt cheerful or depressed. And it feels that way again.”

And we got what we believed in. Jane Austen MIGHT believed that some Tuesdays were just bad luck for her. And she indeed got those bad lucks.

Of course, I don’t want to point fingers at my favourite authoress. On the contrary, I thank her for the lessons she consciously or unconsciously gave me. That if we can have those beliefs, we can disown the beliefs as well.

This morning, suddenly I realised that I too have these repetitive patterns and cellular memories. [Since I am trying to reverse the pattern here, henceforth I shall use past tense] I also had something bad … not a day, but a month. Several months even. I unconsciously believed that some months brought sad news or events to me, and those were not unfounded. I did a quickie chronological analysis this morning, and was so surprised at how those patterns matched! By the Gods, those months that I labelled miserable were actually true! Bad things happened those months!

Digging further in, I realised that the labelling started a few years back when a certain star-crossed love story happened to me in 2002, seven years ago. I am now beyond relief that I actually experienced that sad love story, and that I had ended it… but before than… those months were equal to crying in the middle of the night, or whenever no one saw me (or I thought no one did). Those months were equal to my believing that I would not be happy again, that I would never love and be loved again.

Now I know those fears were unfounded, for I have loved myself more than I did before, and I have many dear ones loving me. But those days, those painful emotions affected my body, and my cells stored those sad and heart-breaking memories. Unconsciously, my cells sent signals to my brain that those particular months were bad, bad, bad, and that it would occur again. Hence the repetitive sad patterns in my life. For we got what we believed in. In another word: I unconsciously invited those sadness to return to my life.

Digging even further in, I now realised that those ‘miserable months’ were actually related to unhappy events that my mother experienced prior to and during her pregnancy. I carried her pain subconsciously, for she was the one who had me for more than nine months, and with long and painful birth even! I am not blaming my blessed mother, of course, I am merely observing what happened. And understanding that I have the power to change it.

Thank the Universe, I’ve recognised those patterns now, with clarity beyond belief… with blissful gratitude that I finally am not ‘blind’ anymore to see… I just know that I am right this time, that my conclusions are correct and what I have to learn and implement. How do I know? Because my whole body suddenly felt relaxed while I was writing the epiphany in my diary. My arms and legs were relaxed, I felt so light and happy… and the effect is still lingering now, as I write this. Heh, even a colleague of mine walked past me when I was getting tea just now, and he said that seeing me today just made his day brighter! Thank you mate, I hope you’re not joking…

Now, hopefully, I'm sensitive and open enough for help from all over the place. I still have loads of personal health homework to do. Every seven years, we regenerate a whole new body (see Wiki Answer for more info). Well, it’s been seven years since the painful memories, strangely I'm on my fifth seven-years-cycle on Earth now... and I need to rebuild healthy cells. Now. Healthy cells with healthy cellular memories. And every month, every single day, single minute, single second, is a blessed moment. There is NO miserable month. There are 12 beautiful, loving months, and more of love and trust too...For this Universe is an Infinity of Love.

Namaste, peace be upon you.

Pic 1: Cellular healing, from Maat.com
Pic 2: Healing lotus, from MySpace.com
Pic 3: Healing heart, from Deviantart.com

Working with crystals, dolphins and the moon

2009-06-01T19:10:00.008+10:00

I’ve been thinking of writing something about my hobby with crystals, and I think – after submitting a deadline today – this moment is the right time.

I’ve actually been working with crystals since 1-2 years ago, when Swami Anand Krishna introduced me to the wonders of crystals. Ever since, me and two of my best friends have been exploring these beautiful creatures, from the scientific sides to the ethereal and spiritual sides. I have some crystals at home and also in the office (well, my office looks like a shrine, so one of my lecturers said), and I usually wear crystals on my wrist. But enough with history; I just want to share my love with some new member of my crystal family.

The first one is my double terminated clear quartz that I use to channel and expel anger and all unwanted emotions from my systems. I bought her from L’Ayurveda (a very good site in Bali for crystals, by the way!), already cleansed and powerful, and I’ve been using her constantly now, for clear quartz is an excellent amplifier and very good at releasing hidden, unneeded stuffs. New comers for crystals beware though, because the effect could be very ‘harsh’ sometimes. For the first few days, I experienced urges of anger; explained and unexplained, and also headaches (so unrelated to the fashionable swine flu or winter cold). Seemingly, the crystal works rather too well at cleaning up my anger, but because I had zilch experience with clear quartz, I was rather taken by surprise. It is getting more manageable though nowadays, and even if I have headaches (signs of my body trying to get rid of the unwanted emotions and memories), it is not as painful as the first few days. For those who are familiar with the chakra system, clear quartz works well with the seventh chakra (Crown Chakra), and also help purging anger out of the third (solar plexus) chakra.

The second crystal I encountered last month was truly love at first sight. Her name is Larimar, a.k.a. the dolphin stone, a.k.a. Atlantis stone. Larimar is actually the blue-coloured, gemstone quality of pectolite, and it is so rare that it can only be found in the Caribbean. Her colour is very exquisite; the lush and light blue of the tropical sea. You know… the kind of blue or green-blue you get when you see the tropical sea and coastal areas from a low flying airplane? That’s the one. The more reflections and colourful the blue tone you get, the more expensive your Larimar is.

But as many crystal healers would recommend; pick any crystals that resonate with you the most; regardless of the price and the outlook. I have so far three Larimars (yeah, shocking, I know…); the first two I obtained from a local shop in Bali. Very similar in tones. The third one I obtained in the next 30 minutes, given by my best friend with other tumbled stones/crystals to work on my chakra balancing. Hers actually had better vibration, for she sourced it from a better place (the shop that I visited had low energy, but I was so in want of Larimar, I just rushed into the first store I found). So in the end, I had to cleanse my Larimar several times to match my friend’s given Larimar (which works excellently with my throat chakra, by the way).

It turned out not to be as smooth as I thought. My hands almost ‘burned’ because the energies of my first Larimars clashed with other crystals. I had to wash the dolphin stones immediately in salt water and also smudge them with aromatherapy incense. Later when I arrived in Australia, I re-cleansed them again, but they still weren’t as cleansed and comfortable as I wanted to… until I buried them inside my plant pot. After a few days, voila! They glow from within, just like the Larimar I obtained from my friend. I also rub them with Himalayan salt that just work wonder, and regularly rub them with crushed lavender. I’ve read how essential oils (such as lavender) work wonder, and it is! Fresh lavender is rather impossible to obtain where I live, so I go with the dried ones. I just need to wet my hands with clean water and rub them several times to extract the essential oils. My Larimar looks very happy now! Larimar likes water too; every time I cleanse her with clean water, she looks happy and glowing. I feel the combination of lavender essence and pure water works very well with Larimar.

Larimar works well with the upper chakras, starting from the heart chakra, so I just fashioned my largest Larimar into a pendant and wear it between my throat and heart now. She does a great job in soothing me today, so I will wear her again tomorrow. Larimar also looks very good as jewelry; at least two of my friends have been attracted to my Larimar to the point of awe. And really, what I did was just asking a local beader to glue a silver bail on top of it and match it with a $2 black velvet cord. Simple is beautiful, they say...

As I don’t think rubbing my Larimar with the Himalayan salt too frequently will do good (the salt structure might damage the stone surface), I’m thinking of submerging her with salt solution instead of dipping her in pure salt. I also have been placing her on top of my clear quartz, they look happy together.

The other crystal that works very well with my Larimar is my new Selenite. Now, honestly, Selenite is not love at first sight for me. The first Selenite I saw was my therapist’s, and perhaps because it was hers (well, still is hers), I didn’t feel anything when she allowed me to touch it. But she works well with Selenite, and thus I started to study more about this crystal. When I was convinced and started to think that I might actually need one… I found mine. The shop was Crystal Light in Byron Bay, and you should really look it up the next time you’re going to BB. Going to the Crystal Castle is even a better idea, for they have a huge range of crystals up there in Mullumbimby. But again, you don’t always find your crystal in the largest assembly. The crystals pick you, so wherever they are, just be ready to listen and heed them.

I didn’t spot my Selenite the first time I looked either; for I was rather attracted to a larger ‘fish tail’ Selenite piece that really looked like a fish to me. I held this piece and didn’t feel a thing, so again I thought maybe Selenite just wasn’t for me.

But a few days later, I returned to the same shop in Byron Bay, and then after trying to find a tantric twin clear quartz in vain, I suddenly spotted my fish – I mean, Selenite. She was smaller than the first fish, and wasn’t in a good position to spot… but I spotted her anyway. And as soon as I held her, I felt peace. I’d been having chest pains those days (still a bit now…), but as I held her on my chest, I felt relaxed and soothed. It’s not a wonder really, for Selenite has the soothing properties of the moon – her namesake. Her colour is moon white with some glassy transparent stripes in the satin spar version… and she’s truly soothing. Not only she works well with this relaxing department, she also cleanses herself and the other crystals, including the magnificent clear quartz! How amazing is that!!! I'm officially in love with Selenite now.

And as I said earlier, my Larimars are very happy with the Selenite. Well, it’s not a wonder, isn’t it… for the dolphins, the sea and the moon are very much connected. I almost can’t wait for the next full moon to recharge my Selenite (she’s more of a moon-worshipper than a sun’s) and Larimar together!

Oh, Selenite works well with all chakras (what a stone!), particularly the crown (7th) chakra. I do find nowadays that she works best with my heart though. I do have to say that the exact first night I slept with my Selenite, I had a very bad dream. Too personal to unearth here, but suffice to say that the Selenite might be digging my problems and showing me my true fears so that I can work them out.

So…I guess the bottom line for new crystal dwellers who stumble over this post is that you must let your intuition guide you when you want to pick a crystal. Rather, let the crystal pick you… for it is a very personal thing. Work gently with them, expect the unexpected. Talk to them, cleanse them regularly with whatever methods appropriate (just Google them up)… and most of all: heed to their suggestions and start making changes in your life.

I think I have to do that too, now. I have issues with the first three chakras, and I have to do regular Kundalini Yoga to unblock myself. Come to think of that, my heart and throat chakras seem to have problems too. Ah, but I can’t solve them thoroughly without working with the basic first. Whoever says that the first three chakras are ‘lower’, useless chakras truly does not understand that we cannot build a strong home without making sure that the foundations are strong, healthy and happy.

Pic 1. Some of my crystals. The right one is my family clear quartz, the bottom one is my Selenite (one of my Larimars rests peacefully on top of her)

Pic 2. My sweet, lovely Larimar pendant

Pic 3. My lovely Selenite. She sometimes reflects rainbow colours under certain light. The picture doesn't do her justice

Annie’s Passengers

2009-04-30T12:55:00.002+10:00

I have an appointment soon and loads of things to do today, but I really wanna write this review. I saw Anne Hathaway’s last year’s ‘Passengers’ movie last night… and was amazed by it. I’ve seen her in Princess Diary, Devil Wears Prada, Becoming Jane (fave!), and Rachel Getting Married, and I love her in all those movies. Upon watching her action last night, I am convinced that she is a classical star… and she might be the next Audrey Hepburn or something like that. And yes, I am aware of the low stars given by various reviewers about this movie. I don’t care. I like it, for it serves as a reminder for me.

‘Passengers’ was basically telling the story of a plane crash and its survivors. Anne Hathaway was Claire Summers, the therapist for 5 people that survived the plane crash, including the sexy and persistent Eric (Patrick Wilson). Along the way, Anne’s patients started to disappear one by one, and she had to track them down and uncover the greatest mystery of her life.

Annie was amazing with her bright deer eyes, and though I have to say that Patrick Wilson’s persistent prompting was rather annoying, but they made quite a good screen couple there (still nowhere near Annie and James McAvoy in BJ!). I also enjoyed David Morse, a guy who used to be Jodie Foster’s father in ‘Contact’, and he was now one of the airline officials in ‘Passengers’ (really, gotta love this guy!). But it’s not only the acting that I was talking about.

In its deepest sense, ‘Passengers’ was not talking about thriller and suspense movie. Nay, to me, it was actually talking about death, and how people cope with death. More specifically, how the dead ones cope with their own death.

I didn’t know about this until the last five minutes of the movie when (SPOILER WARNING!)…

Claire Sommers (Anne Hathaway) finally found the complete list of passengers… which contained… her own name! Yes, Claire was actually one of the passengers onboard the starcrossed plane, and she didn’t survive the crash. None of the passengers survived the crash, not even Patrick and Anne who had just met an hour onboard the plane before the crash. Claire panicked, and I really love the way Annie portrayed a panicked person who had to come to terms with the fact that she herself had actually died. That she was a ghost.

So… was ‘Passengers’ about ghosts? Well, yeah… ghosts who resumed their life (in this case, Annie resumed her life as a therapist, David Morse resumed the life as the pilot who kept regretting that he didn’t save the plane, etc etc)… but the most important thing is that these ghosts were actually guided to find the truth. That they were dead already and that they must move on, and their guides were their loved ones who had left their lives earlier… In Claire (Annie)’s case, they were her deceased aunt Toni (who assumed to be her neighbour) and Mr. Perry, her favourite museum curator who she often talked to when she was a child (who assumed the role as Claire’s boss). In Eric’s case, it was his dead dog and deceased grandfather.
So, what’s the lesson learned? That death is naturally scary for many people, yes… but it is not so, actually. It is a natural process (though plane crash is one of the least favourable gate to death)… and trust that you will be guided in the process…

The Universe is kind, and will not let you go astray. So long as you want to see the Light… trust that you shall see It, and that you shall cross the bridge safely. Many traditions offer the salvation, the way towards inner peace. Call upon that particular Power and He/She/It will help you through. My own personal tradition reminds me of the legend of Lord Shiva who is often called the Destroyer… but is actually more than that. Lord Shiva is the Benevolent one, and also the Destroyer of Death itself. I hope I don’t forget to call upon Him, my Ishta Devata, when my time comes one day. And then I shall go home peacefully, leaving all worldly attachments in love and peace.

And this reminds me of my scheduled meditation session tonight. Have to go there… for living a meditative life would make us celebrate Life as it is, including embracing the final passing easier... when it’s time.

Pic: 'Passengers' poster from Wikipedia

What is Patience?

2009-04-21T17:31:00.005+10:00

The age-old quote says that ‘Patience is a virtue’. Yes, generally speaking, we agree on that, though many people would say that being too patient has its downfall. But what is patience actually?

Patience is often associated with waiting, pain endurance, or perseverance. My focus on this post is patience related to waiting and perseverance, though mere ‘waiting’ itself often has a large dose of agony in it...

One of Dictionary.com definition for ‘patience’ is:

“Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive”

By that definition alone, one of my best friends was correct: I am not patient. I often rush to doing something… or deciding something without carefully considering all related factors; in the name of ‘rapid response’ and ‘tactical thinking’. The result was often not to be proud of… if not total mayhem. Most definitely I am not suited for jobs like private detectives that requires my sitting for hours inside a dark-coloured car, or as a metahuman superhero who lurks around dark roofs, waiting for the evil doers to do their utterly out of sense deeds. Forget about knocking the door of the Batcave and ask for a part-time job; Batman wouldn’t even want to see me.

But patience is not only needed by those detectives and vigilantes. Patience is needed in almost all aspects of life. There is a difference between patience and sluggish, and it relates to our intentions when doing the waiting. Sluggishness happens when we know very well that we need to be quick and prompt in our actions and responses, and yet we do not do that anyway.

Patience… we know we want something and we work towards it. One by one, one small step by one small step. And when the time comes… Strike! And we win!

Just like those old martial artisans who patiently wait upon his enemies… waiting for them to make the first move. Ever watch Musashi? Great old movie. You should watch the last duel between Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kojiro. Classic.

But is patience always about winning?... Does it not have a deeper quality? The Zen-like quality that makes you smile from within, for you know it is good for your personal growth? Let me take you back to an event this morning, where I was floating on a little boat in the middle of the sea, waiting patiently for my dolphins to appear nearby me.

More than four dozen small boats were milled around me… as if they churned the ocean like that, the dolphins would appear from the water vortex. They did… the dolphins… appear for like 40-50 seconds before disappearing again. My boatman did nothing though ; just letting the boat afloat with the engine off. Then, out of the blue… the dolphins came to us.

We were elated, excited! They came!

… and then they left again, for as soon as they appeared, more than ten boats sped towards them. And once again, we were alone without the dolphins.

The event kept repeating itself until the boats got tired of the game and left the arena. Soon, there were only five of us, little boats floating at the big blue sea.

And then… one little dolphin jumped. Followed by another. And another. And soon… we found ourselves watching the dolphins feasting on their breakfast: juicy frigate mackerels… while we rummaged for our old boring snack to eat as we watch the dolphins. The snack was boring indeed… but the show was worth the wait.

So… coming back to my original question. What is Patience?

Now I see patience as one of the qualities or characters of alertness…awareness. It is one of the outcomes of awareness, of being alert and just BE in present moment. The Indonesian word for patience is ‘sabar’… and there is another word similar to that. ‘Disabar-sabarin’. Meaning, forcing oneself to be patient, though he/she is really truly yours faithfully NOT patient. A nice concept… which most definitely does not stem out of awareness, alertness. ‘Disabar-sabarin’ or ‘restraining yourself’ has the quality of insincerity, or at the very least mere obedience. You do not want to be patient, but you have to… otherwise a disaster will not be avoidable.

Interestingly, the very Indonesian word for ‘awareness’ or ‘being mindful’ is ‘sadar’. Sabar and Sadar. We only exchange B for D… and the whole context is different. Sabar (patience) to me is the product of Sadar (awareness). There can be no real patience without awareness.

Coming back to the example of dolphin watching, those who opt to turn off their engine and just wait for the dolphins to appear would often see that the dolphins would then appear and either approach them or swim alongside their boat. In this case, they are patient because they know that if they keep churning the waters with their noisy 12 PK outboard engine, the dolphins will unlikely appear for a significant amount of time for them to enjoy. Their awareness of the dolphin’s need of sufficient space and security lead them to turn off their engine and wait. Patiently.

And what do we do when we’re waiting patiently? We can chat with our travel mates, or talk with the boatman… or enjoy the picturesque sceneries… Or we can just sit down with straight back, relax, close our eyes… Then we breathe in and breathe out….enjoying the morning sun on our face, looking inwards to our own hearts.

Then, out of the silence, we hear that very familiar noise of ‘whoof, whoof’. The dolphin’s breathing. We open our eyes happily, knowing that they are here to see us. That they are here to grant us with their presence, thanking us for our patience.

And then we can allow ourselves a few moments of victory our patience brought us. The victory against our own impatience.

Then, what if the dolphins never come? Then, we will return home, knowing that at least we have exercised a good amount of aware waiting here… and that tomorrow we can do it again, until we see them one day. For we know that they are there to meet us… when we are ready to meet them with an open heart.

Pic 1: Siam Reap, Bayon moat. That’s my picture, by the way…
Pic 2: Batman and the dolphins! From Detective Comics #405, from Random Panels.com
Pic 3: Buddha's peace within, from Infinite Smile.org

From Romantic Relationship to Spiritual Journey

2009-04-15T00:48:00.013+10:00

I’ve been thinking about the term ‘relationship’ lately, and how in spiritual world it seems to be counterproductive with one’s journey within. Well, from its track record, any kind of relationships – friendship, mother-daughter, father-son, or and particularly intimate relationship – often notoriously give adverse impact to one’s spiritual journey. Particularly intimate relationship, it has the large potentials to you needy, clinging, pining etc that eventually make you lose your self-respect. I often then understand how conscious people, inter alia but not limited to nuns and monks, choose to live celibate lives, for enough is enough. It is painful to go through a relationship. Why bother? Better get out and enjoy being alone.

But… but… How do I say this? I’m not saying that being alone is wrong. I think it’s great when you are alone and immensely happy with yourself. It’s great, it’s amazing. You feel whole, well… you ARE and always have been whole… and you feel that the world is in your hand. Or rather, you are melting and becoming part of the world. Part of Life. Trust me. It’s good. IT’S GREAT, and it’s peaceful. More over, it gives you time to thoroughly explore the journey within. It’s amazing and for some people – including me – it is the best thing that comes out of a single life. You become acquainted with yourself, and you are immensely happy with it. After all, Khalil Gibran put it most eloquently:

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.

But what if an opportunity for intimate partnership – for relationship – presents itself in front of you? You are tempted to follow love… whatever the risk is… for as Gibran said… the path of love IS hard.

When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

The Path of Love is indeed hard… but the fact is that you are in love (or at least ‘in like’) with your significant other. Then you wake up one day and realise…that you are not in full control anymore of your life. You become needy and helpless if you do not hear from said significant other. You are not comfortable with your addiction, with your pining. People say that it’s the exact characteristic of love, but you do not like it… because your feelings are alternating between ecstasy and sorrow.

Then, perhaps like me, you will question… that how could you be happy in a relationship if you keep being needy and clinging like this? But perhaps the fault is not in said significant other. Perhaps… it is your fault, my fault. Or rather… perhaps our paradigm needs a radical change. Perhaps we have not understood love and relationship as they are.

Then what is love?... If it is harder to answer it, at least this one: What is a relationship for?

To find some answers, I consulted some books, including Eckhart Tolle’s bestselling book ‘The Power of Now’. I use many direct quotes from the book, particularly from Chapter ‘Enlightened Relationships’, so if you want to read them through, you can buy them from the Amazon, among others.

You are "in love" with your partner. This is at first a deeply satisfying state. You feel intensely alive. Your existence has suddenly become meaningful because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you do he same for him or her. When you are together, you feel whole. The feeling can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance. However, you may also have noticed that there is a neediness and a clinging quality to that intensity. You become addicted to the other person. He or she acts on you like a drug. you are on a high when the drug is available, but even the possibility or the thought that he or she might no longer be there for you can lead to jealously, possessiveness, attempts at manipulation through emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing - fear of loss. (Emphasise my own)

And doth giveth way to romantic poetries and songs, such as Sting’s rearranged 16th century Come Again. FYI, I truly love this song… but I also think it is a classical example of how prone we can be when our significant other is not available for us:

Come again! that I may cease to mourn
Through thy unkind disdain;
For now left and forlorn I sit, I sigh, I weep, I faint, I die
In deadly pain and endless misery

Coming back to Tolle:

If the other person does leave you, this can give rise to the most intense hostility or the most profound grief and despair. In an instant, loving tenderness can turn into a savage attack or dreadful grief. Where is love now? Can love change into its opposite in an instant? Was it love in the first place, or just an addictive grasping and clinging?

See how it makes me rather losing my self-confidence? If I am that easy to swing from ecstasy to sorrow, from loving to clinging…then, is it true love that I experience? Or I’m just still a novice trying to learn love through a relationship? Then, what is the significance of my happiness when I am alone? Was it true that I was happy when I was alone? Or did I secretly harbour a hope for a prince charming rescuing me and taking me to his castle? Many people have painfully proven how outward relationships, hoping that our partners would change for our sake instead of us taking full responsibilities of our own lives, do not work. It is maddening, hence the high rates of divorce world wide. Not to judge anyone here, I’m not an angel myself. I just want to do some reflections here.

Then… how do we get out of this mad circle? Most importantly, can we use intimacy, a romantic relationship, for our own spiritual journey???

Tolle said again:

Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substances you are addicted to – alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person – you are using something or somebody. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.

How to change it then? How to break the addictive cycle?

Tolle: …by taking your attention ever more deeply into the Now: Whether you are living alone or with a partner, this remains the key. For love to flourish, the light of your presence needs to be strong enough so that you no longer get taken over by the thinker or pain-body, and mistake them for who you are.

So you just have to BE in the present moment. All ancient and modern sages recommend this. Live your life in the present moment, here and now. And you will attain your happiness, for you realise that the happiness, the Love never leaves you anyway. It’s always there within you and me. Within all of us.

Tolle again: The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego.

In another word, that takes me and you to our real selves within. To LOVE. Tolle also reminded us that:

… whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the "madness" in you and in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an opportunity for salvation/…/The relationship then becomes your sadhana, your spiritual practice/…/

If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.

Eckhart Tolle, thank you so much for your amazing enlightenment. If I can summarise it in my own words:

Relationships, including painful and failed ones, are there to teach us lessons. Think of it as a school for us to learn to grow. For the journey within. Our partners (of former partners) are mirrors of our own issues we must face here and now, while we still have time. Any relationship crisis is actually a chance for us to learn to be better beings. Thus, the relationship becomes a vehicle to be better her, better him. Thus, we are here to learn from each other, to be better beings of light.

Then, how to go within? There are several ways. My favourite way now – in addition to yoga, meditation, writing diary, and doing creative writing – is to get connected with my own feminine nature. The woman, priestess, goddess within me. To feel the joy of being a woman... who are complete as she is, with or without a man. With or without acknowledgements from the world outside. In this case, self-help books e.g. Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom is like a Bible to me (see also this post). Having friends (particularly sisterhood circle to me) to help you dealing with your issues is treasure. Having a Guru, a spiritual Master like Swami Anand Krishna, to show you how to dig further into yourself is priceless.

I guarantee you that the process of going within is not easy... but we have to realise that no man (or woman) can help us. I have to help myself. I have to be happy with myself first before enjoying my relationship with anyone. I have to and choose to love myself first before loving him. For when I have love within, when I realise that I always have the love within me... love then automatically expands... till it envelopes me in her bright blinding and soothing light... and overflow outward... including to a man... who (and if he) is sensitive enough to catch it.

Otherwise, any relationships will be just another failure. For we keep falling to the same hole, repeating the same mistake of searching for happiness outside, instead of finding it within ourselves and then sharing it.

So whenever I think of a certain person in a pining or clinging way...I have to just smile at the longing and memories… and be grateful that I can still feel such longing. It means that love is there, or at least the seeds to blossom. Then, gently I remind myself to look within. To be immensely happy with myself, here and now.

It takes practice... it doesn’t happen overnight. But with all other Sadhanas, all other spiritual practices…, the process of overturning romantic relationship, taking it further deep into a spiritual practice that nurtures myself and (hopefully) that other person, is worth it.

And thus, intimate relationship becomes a spiritual journey, and we can celebrate it the way True Lovers do. The way Khalil Gibran did, at least, in The Prophet:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow

-xxx-

Pic 1. ‘Dear Heart’ by Iza87 from Deviantart.com
Pic 2. ‘Let me go’ by Khalil Gibran from the Gibran Academy
Pic 3. ‘Separation’ by Edvard Munch
Pic 4. ‘The Lovers’ by Puimun from Deviantart.com

Sacred Moon, Sacred River: Celebrating my 5th year of living healthily

2009-04-11T03:52:00.010+10:00

I was waiting in a domestic departure lounge for a delayed flight three nights ago when I saw a big discount in the local Periplus booth. Being a book aficionado, I had to go there and browse. That was when I found a very important book to me as a woman, and as a person: ‘Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdoms’ by Christiane Northrup, M.D. A New York Times Bestseller, and upon reading it randomly since two days ago, I have no doubts about its bestseller status.

The book is about – among others – how women’s bodies try to tell women what’s the best for them, that illness comes to tell the women what’s wrong with their lifestyle … and how the health of women is link to the health of the Earth. Completes with a great guidance of the seven chakras and how our problems with a particular chakra is likely to result in a health problem in particular organs. Very… new age. Very pagan… very me. In many ways, the book resonates well with an older post of mine about the joy of menstrual cycle, our sacred monthly rites.

It is very very good, and I recommend it to any women (and men!) who want to know the sacred aspects of female body, supported with sound scientific findings or personal observations. But this post is not only about the book. Although I give the book 5 stars plus, I will have to refer you to Amazon.com for detailed reviews. The general rating is 4 stars, but as I said, I give this book 5 stars plus.

Anyway, the reason of this post is to come back to an epiphany I had almost two months ago. Back then in early March, I realised that I just entered the 5th year of my healthy living style… commencing on 9 March 2004, when I had my uterine fibroid surgery. And I want to write this post to celebrate that.

My 5 years of living healthily was the result of my intention to be happy; derived from the lessons I learned from the presence of fibroids in my uterus from early 2000 to March 2004…The inner willpower to totally accepting who I truly am and be immensely happy with myself was the result of so much physical and emotional pains, to the point that I knew I didn’t want to live like that. That I was, and am, entitled for a much better life.

And believe me, once we set our course, our intentions for a truly happy life, contended with our inner being, listening to our bodies’ wisdoms, in harmony with the surroundings… we will be happy. We are happy, for we are in love with our closest friend: ourselves, and our bodies.

And once we (particularly us women) are happy with ourselves… totally accepting our feminine side, including our menstrual cycle – sacred moons and sacred rivers – and menopauses, our lives will realign themselves… and the Earth Mother is also healed. We are her daughters. If we are happy, she is happy too. And in turn, we also double our effort to please her, to rejuvenate her. To let her breathe and live the way she deserves.

To quote the amazing Christiane Northrup from her last page of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom:

Commit to living your dreams – one day at a time. This is the process that is required to create vibrant health in our families, our communities, and our planet. May you go forth now, to take a nap, to embrace a child, to feel the sun on your face, or to eat a good meal slowly, knowing deep within you that the next step for healing and living joyfully is already there, waiting for you to listen to it, waiting to be born into the world – through you, dear woman.

Is it not worth doing, then?

Pic 1: gorgeous 'Goddess of the Night' by FaeryAzarelle from Deviantart.com
Pic 2: Cover to 'Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom' from Barnes and Nobles

New AGORA trailers Rachel Weisz!

2009-03-28T15:14:00.003+10:00

Okay... I don't want December 2009 to come quickly, cos I have looooads of things to beforehand... But when December comes, at least I have one thing to wait upon. Rachel Weisz's AGORA, where she plays as Hypatia, the last librarian of the Library of Alexandria.

Thanks to Pukimex for the HD version, I now really want to see it. Rachel is so awesome!

Annie Hathaway rocks!

2009-02-28T16:57:00.007+10:00

Okay, she didn't win the 2009 Oscar, but I don't care. First, Anne Hathaway has stolen my heart (and I am straight!) since I saw her in Princess Diary, and then of course Becoming Jane... and several other movies. But also because I love Kate Winslet too, and I'm so happy that she finally wins. Kate deserves her Oscar (well, so does Meryl Streep), and I am sure that Annie will win her Oscar one day. What a girl... (and Annie loves Kate and Meryl too!).

But I just wanna share what Annie said to Barbara Walters in the pre-Oscar Specialon interview on 22 Feb 2009. Lots of good things there... and her words really remind me of important things in my life.

These are some quotes I love the most from the interview:
- "Being vulnerable is not being weak."
- "Love is not just about giving. It's about receiving as well."
- "I broke up with my Italian boyfriend, and then two weeks later he was sent to jail for fraud!" (Saturday Night's Live)

The first one relates very well to the second, and perhaps the 3rd one (which was about his &#^$ Italian boyfriend!). In the second quote, note that she didn't use the word 'taking'. She used 'receiving', which has a much wiser meaning than taking. Receiving requires you to open up to the whole world, to the Universe, to be receptive. What a girl, what a woman!

Annie, one day you will receive your Oscar. And meanwhile, you're still gonna be my girl!

Day 1: Bangkok to Varanasi

2009-01-19T20:00:00.005+10:00

Day 1 (8 January 2009): Bangkok to Varanasi

The Swarnabhumi Airport in Bangkok was surely different from the old Don Muang airport I visited more than 4 years ago in November 2004. Don Muang back then was dusty and gloomy, and rather hot and uncomfortable. Now, in Swarnabhumi I felt like arriving in the second version of Singapore Changi Airport, with duty free shops and inviting cafés with wireless internet everywhere. You can even have a few hours of spa if you transit for more than 2 hours!

Bangkok is always memorable. Back then in November 2004, I was there for the nth IUCN Conference, and with loads of memories too beautiful and personal to reveal here… Now, in January 2009, I only transited for 6 hours, but it was a nice and fun transit. The first cup of hot coco that I tried was terrible; it was not even in the same zip code with second class hot coco, let alone Max Brenner. But the next one that I had as I enjoyed the free wireless internet was better. Still Max Brenner is da man!

The trip to Varanasi was delayed for 30 minutes or so. No complains. I had a window seat, from which I could see the Irrawaddy River meandering below, the Gulf of Bengal, Myanmar, and parts of Southern India. We stopped for 30 minutes or so in Bodhgaya, Bihar, where a thick layer of fog covered most of the horizon. It was amazing that we were able to land at all. I also should rewind a bit and informed that I had also seen Ho Chi Minh (Vietnam) and Phnom Penh (Cambodia) from above, before dawn where everything was still dark and sleeping, as I peeked from my Thai Air window. One day, I shall really visit other countries in Indochina as well. Godspeed, or rather, Goddess-speed.

I landed in Varanasi at about 3:30 pm local time, and went through a very short process of immigration, but a very annoying custom process, for the custom officers there asked me why I brought so many cameras; was I to sell them?! Well, I said, I am to visit His Holiness Dalai Lama for an Indonesia-made Buddha statue inauguration, and of course I need to bring many cameras! And it’s not really many, it’s just a standard pack. One SLR with standard lens, one 250mm zoom lens, one small digital camera, and one pocket digital camera (in case I want my pictures taken by friends or passer-by who are not familiar with SLR). Most definitely a standard pack for a semi-pro photography freak like myself. I should have carried a tripod and declared myself a real pro, and got more problems because of that. I knew that customs bloke wanted to make things difficult, but I persisted, and got away without having to pay anything. It was very annoying though. And porters. I did not ask for any porters, but a guy just persisted in helping me carrying my light-weighted stroll-luggage to the taxi. He glared at me when I didn’t give him tips. I glared back and gave him nothing. What a way to start my journey in India.

Entering Varanasi was like entering a small town in eastern Indonesia, or a less-developed suburbia of Jakarta. Rustic, with many worn-out billboards and signs of commercial and political ads. But by the Gods and the Goddesses, the worst part is… the DUST! I knew Varanasi, or Kashi as many people say, is dirty, but I never thought that it was THAT dirty and DUSTY. Well, I knew it was big, so I expected a metropolitan like Bangkok, or at least half of it. It might be 1/3 of Bangkok… but it definitely made Bangkok a much nicer and cleaner city in comparison to this beloved city of Lord Shiva.

I arrived at the Ideal Tower Hotel at almost 5 pm. Regrouping and mingling with my friends from Anand Ashram Indonesia, including my master Swami Anand Krishna, and then took a shower and had dinner. I exchanged news about the Buddha statue, and we received most relieving news that the statue would be inaugurated by His Holiness the day after, on 9 January. Praise Lord Buddha, Lord Shiva, and Mother Gangga! How lucky I was: one day later, and I
would have missed the precious inauguration completely!

Pic 1: Samudera Manthan (Churning of the Ocean) in Bangkok Swarnabhumi Airport
Pic 2: Me at the new Bangkok airport

Day 2: Sarnath, Varanasi

2009-01-19T19:56:00.004+10:00

Day 2 (9 January 2009): Sarnath, Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh

I shall never forget that day when I walked to the empty field next to Dalai Lama’s house in Sarnath and saw the stone Buddha statue sitting in lotus position, covered with white clothes and adorned with many candles and flowers… it was like a dream. I never thought that it would come true, that I would be able to come to Sarnath and see the statue inaugurated by His Holiness, with my Guruji next to him.

But it did come true. The Existence is too kind… I was allowed to witness the historic moment that reaffirmed the ancient spiritual and cultural ties between Indonesia, Tibet and India. The Buddha statue inauguration, the main reason for my first pilgrimage to India, at least this life time. From the Anand Ashram Indonesia website, this is the bits of the press release:

The morning fog has not cleared away when at His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama inaugurated and blessed a 2.5m high Buddha statue humbly offered by Indonesian interfaith spiritualist Anand Krishna. Conducted at the Central Institute of Higher Tibetan Studies (Deemed University), Sarnath (Uttar Pradesh), India, the inauguration was covered by several Indian media, e.g. K TV, Z News, DD News and Hindustan Times. The Buddha statue is made of the same source materials used to build the 9th CE Borobudur Temple in Muntilan, Central Java, Indonesia, and was offered to reaffirm the spiritual and cultural ties between the peoples of Indonesia and Tibet, also to support His Holiness’ non-violent struggle to protect the cultural heritage of Tibet.

And this is the full link.

I spent the rest of the day busily with press release and uploading pictures; other pictures can be found here. It was a very tiring but satisfying day… Geshe Ngawang Samten, the professor and director of Central University of Tibetan Studies in Sarnath was very kind to bestow each of the Anand Ashram members with beautiful white khata (ceremonial scarf). It’s truly a blessing, and sometimes I wonder, what did I do to deserve such blessings… and will I live up to it. Godspeed, I will.

Pic 1: Bapak Anand Krishna and His Holiness Dalai Lama with the 2.5m tall Buddha statue
Pic 2: Bapak Anand Krishna, His Holiness Dalai Lama, and very blessed Ashram members, including me

Day 3: Bodhgaya

2009-01-19T19:47:00.008+10:00

Day 3 (10 January 2009): Bodhgaya (Bihar)

More than three times, I had looked at the map of India before and saw where Bodhgaya was… and imagined what it would be like to go there. Well, suffice to say that my picturesque image of beautiful greeneries where Lord Buddha sat in deep meditation at the bank of a clear water body 2,500 years ago dissolved in a speed of light when our two cars entered the vicinity of dusty and smoggy Bodhgaya. A man sitting next to me en route Bangkok-Varanasi already said that Bodhgaya was very dusty; to the point that you must wear a mask if you want to keep your lungs healthy. I didn’t believe him until I found myself in the dusty town. It was worse than Varanasi.

The temples were great, though. Bodhgaya’s income seems to be mainly generated from tourism, Buddhist pilgrimage tourism to be exact. There are many temple compounds around the town, ranging from Tibetan, Burmese, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, and Nepali. We just have to add an Indonesian temple there, and it should complete the configuration. We went to see a Japanese temple with a giant Nara-style Buddha in sitting dhyana mudra and to a Tibetan Buddhist temple. We also went to an old relic called Sujata Temple. This relic is almost 2,500 years old, and was named after a milk maiden who gave Baghavan Buddha some milk when He was meditating. But the best experience was going to the main Bodhi Temple itself.

The Bodhi Temple was built around the Bodhi tree where Buddha obtained His Enlightenment 2,500 years ago. It was fully packed with people, of course, and you have to take your shoes off and paid INR 20 for one camera. Not bad. The best part of the compound is where the Bodhi tree is, or rather, was. I am certain they planted a new tree years ago, for there is no way a Bodhi tree can survive more than two millennia. We sat there meditating, next to Guruji Anand Krishna, and I felt that immense peace that everyone always looked for. For a rustic path walker like me, it would be only 20% at the most of the peacefulness and enlightenment that Lord Buddha experienced, but it was so beautiful already… I could stay there for another 1-2 hours for meditation, had time not dictated us.

After the meditation under the Bodhi tree (I’m not sure if I received any insights yet…but the enlightenment process for someone as rusty as myself might take years to take effect…), we resumed with a more ‘down-to-earth’ mission: Shopping. Strolling the dusty shopping lane of the main Bodhi Temple, we went inside a shop that sold various wooden, brass and bronze statues. Mbok Wayan immediately fell for a piece of Kali and Shiva (I have to say that any pose of Shiva resting peacefully underneath Ma Kali’s foot is incredibly sexy…). Myself, inexplicably my hand reached for a statue the same time as Wayan reached for her. It was a standing brass Tara statue, with her clothes flowing as if caressed by the wind, her left hand in Abhaya (fear not, and also blessing) mudra and her right hand in the Varada (giving) mudra. As if dancing while protecting us. She reminds me of my Dakini statue at home, and I immediately fell for her. My eyes met Mbok Wayan’s, and with resignation I said that the statue was hers. But she shook her head and said that she did not like this Tara’s face for some reasons. I frowned and checked that the Tara: her Tibetan countenance looked beautiful and serene to me. But I did not complain of course. First: I really wanted the statue. Second: every piece of statue, especially those hand-made, is special and personal. The statue finds the person, not the other way around. In this case, the Tara statue does not find mbok Wayan. She found me instead. The Tara was then ‘mine’.

We had to wait for more than 45 minutes for our lunch, for seemingly the cook in the Sujata Restaurant where we chose to eat later decided that cooking with slow mindfulness will satisfy the empty stomachs of his guests. It was a quick and good lunch, but I didn’t eat too much, lest I might get motion sickness on the way back to Kashi. And shortly afterwards, we found ourselves back in our cars, heading back to the Beloved City of Shiva-ji, fighting our way back amidst the falling smog and occasional bad road.

I didn’t regret going to Bodhgaya. I went there with my Guruji who risked his own health for us, I meditated under the Bodhi tree, and I found my Tara statue. But the next trip shall not happen again unless they make a radical change in the pollution management of that town. Meanwhile, I shall have to visit the Buddha within me instead.

Pic 1: The giant Japanese-style Buddha inside the Japanese Buddhist Temple in Bodhgaya
Pic 2: Interior of the Tibetan Temple in Bodhgaya
Pic 3: The Bodhi site, where Bhagavan Buddha obtain the enlightenment 2,500 years ago

Day 4: Back to Varanasi

2009-01-19T19:27:00.005+10:00

Day 4 (11 January 2009): Sarnath, Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh

You’re not going to Varanasi if you have not gone to the Gangga River. So, I went there at 8ish in the morning with mbok Wayan and Sita, taking a very smelly thuk-thuk (auto-rickshaw) to Kedhar Ghat. After bargaining, we took off with a boat to the sand island across the river. Sita had wanted to step on the island since a few days ago when she went to the river for the first time, and I have to say it was not a bad idea. The scenery was picturesque, and it wasn’t as smelly as the main bank of Gangga.

Sita and I then tried to row the boat in Ma Gangga. We realised that it was not as easy as it seemed; we tried to row the boat, but it just went rotating at the same axis for 10-15 minutes. Surish-bhai the boatman laughed at us and took over the paddles again. Thanks to his professional rowing, we arrived at the other ghat in no time.

A trip to the Golden Shiva Temple was cancelled for we had to leave our shoes and – most importantly – camera (!) outside, so we went shopping instead. Just a piece of black kurta with beads and a yellow Shiva shawl, the latter came complete with the pungent odour of beetle nut. Oh, and a very nice sandstone statue of Buddha head with chubby face and friendly smile, and a pink Orissa stone small statue of Radha-Krishna with elaborate details. We also bought Bapak a very lovely pink stone Saraswati with her sitar.

After the shop-till-you-broke experience, we endeavoured to go to the Benares Hindu University with thuk-thuk, to no avail because as we arrived at the gate, we realised that it would be too late for us to go to Sarnath for His Holiness’ afternoon class. We hired another, a bigger, thuk-thuk and rerouted to Sarnath; a journey along the dusty roads of Varanasi that took almost an hour because that bloody driver took the opportunity to take other passengers too and went to various places. I think we were expensively robbed! Bastards!

Anyway… clear your mind, Padawan… After an exhausted journey, from which I learned that Varanasi was definitely worse than Jakarta in terms of traffic discipline, pollution and dust, we finally arrived at the dusty gate of Sarnath. Mbok Wayan and Sita opted to return to the hotel, but not before wandering around for a Tibetan skirt and a thangka. I chose to join the afternoon class, which was nice, but I honestly have to say that it would be much better for me to join Dalai Lama’s class in English next time, akin to the ones in Melbourne and Geelong in June 2008. I trust that His Holiness’ translators are excellent, but I prefer not to experience ‘lost in translation’ whatsoever. I think His Holiness is to visit Melbourne in December 2009. That’ll be another opportunity, eh? That is, if Dharamsala is too expensive for now.

After class, I strolled the dusty lane of Sarnath and bought a very lovely ‘Om Mani Padme Hum’ thangka, black and red in colour, very beautiful. Plus a Bodhgaya style bag and a Tibetan praying flag. I found no available hotel or homestay in Sarnath, or if there was any, I couldn’t find it. I supposed the best course of action was to book another room in Ideal Tower for 14 January.

Despite my short visit to Sarnath, I learned one thing: I still respect His Holiness Dalai Lama’s decision for Tibetan autonomy, but I am also still 100% a supporter for a Free Tibet. There is no other way: Tibet has to be free, and the Existence better make it fast, or I shall launch my nth protest towards the Supreme Being for the utter injustice that has been happening in Tibet. Watching thousands of Tibetans in Sarnath faithfully attending His Holiness’ teaching (one man in front of me even did a series of praying in Tibetan way – looked very much like the combination of yoga and shalat – for more than 15 minutes!), I am proud of their persistence in maintaining their cultural identity despite the cruelty of Chinese government upon them. These people deserve to have their own land back; they have more right than any Chinese people (and any other people, including myself) to set foot in a Free Tibet, going in and out of the country as they wish, recreating and rebuilding their country as they believe in.

Tibet is a personal issue for me. More than once, people in Sarnath thought I was a Tibetan or someone from the Himalayan region. Perhaps…I was one of them in my previous life time. And now, my journey to Sarnath reaffirmed my belief in a Free Tibet, and I shall never tire of praying and helping them for that.

Pic 1: A boat and the seagulls hovering over Ma Gangga
Pic 2: Me and Sita trying to row the boat (to no avail)
Pic 3: People selling Tibetan crafts in Sarnath

Day 5: Varanasi to Khajuraho

2009-01-19T19:21:00.008+10:00

Day 5 (12 January 2009): Varanasi (Uttar Pradesh) to Khajuraho (Madhya Pradesh)

No dust! I can breathe! Wow!

That was the first thing that came to mind as I stepped outside Jetair 0723 that took me from Varanasi to Khajuraho. Thank God, praise Lord Shiva, after 5 days of having to carry a breathing mask everywhere in Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, I finally am able to breathe normally. And Khajuraho is much much cleaner than Varanasi. In fact, it is the cleanest place I’ve visited so far. The airport is small, about the same size as Varanasi’s, but much cleaner and tidier. Superb.

The evening air is cool and fresh now, and the moon just rises in the east, casting its golden yellow reflection. When I arrived this afternoon at 3pm-ish, it was 23C. Now it might be around 11C. Lovely.

My flight to Khajuraho was almost cancelled due to thick fog. Londoners beware; your beautiful foggy city is nothing compared to UP, Bihar and MP fogs. In fact, they did cancel my Indian Airlines flight to KHJ due to the fog, and thus I have to contact Travelocity to get the refund. Worse, I had to pay almost INR 7,400 (almost AUD 350) for the Jetair ticket, for it’s the last minute purchase. Cheating, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not my fault that the fog arrived and Indian Airlines got cancelled. What they (IA and Jetair) could do was at least giving me the same price as the IA ticket VNS-KHJ, which was INR 3,400. Two elderly Dutch ladies that were supposed to travel with me to KHJ cancelled their plan to this town and rerouted to New Delhi instead, albeit grudgingly, and with big complaints. I understand that. In fact, had I not really really wanted to go to Khajuraho, I would have cancelled the trip anyway. I mean, adding another AUD 175 for something that is not my fault… somebody should strangle the Indian airway system with their own hands. Heh, I might do that myself!

But what can you do? I don’t wish to visit New Delhi anyway… which would be my second choice if the flight was truly cancelled. Going back to the hotel and stay in Varanasi for the next 3 days is a big NEHI. Going by road is INR 9,000 and it takes at least 12 hours on a bad road. Non, merci. Nehi, memsahib. And honestly anyway, I don’t regret my decision in persisting to come to Khajuraho.

The first time I saw the greeneries amidst the clearing fogs from above, I knew that Khajuraho would be different from Varanasi. And what a great place it is! For a student like me, AUD 175 is very very expensive… but for the sundari, beauty, I found here, it might be worth it. Yes, I think is… And really, I am SO lucky. For the last three days, there was no flight going in and out of Khajuraho due to the fog. Today was the first day of flight back to operation, and I truly thank Shiva-ji for lending His trident to clear the fog away.

The entire township of Khajuraho is only 10km width, or so they say. Upon passing by the central town, it might be similar to Ubud… the way I saw the main Shivadev Temple that is situated in the middle of the town, surrounded by shops etc… their grids and configuration is similar to Ubud. I stay in Yogi Sharma Ashram, a bit at the outskirt of the town. So far, this guest house is excellent. INR 500 (AUD 17) per night for the room upstairs, garden view. My room is as beautiful as you can get with INR 500. Clean, inner bathroom with 24 hours hot shower, and very nice stone shelves upon which I placed my new Khata from Geshe Ngawang Samten in Sarnath, the new brass Tara statue, the sandstone Buddha head and the pink Orissa stone Radha-Krishna. I have my own altar now… alas, no agarbati. Oh well… perhaps tomorrow I shall buy some.

The moon is about 30 deg now above at the east. It was yellow half an hour ago, but now is silver white. Beautiful. It reminds me of the saffron sunset I saw a few hours ago as I explored the wilderness of Ken Gharial Sanctuary. The driver took me there to see a waterfall… a few waterfalls actually. Not much water in this season, but the combination of black, pink, and greenish stones cascading into various geological formations was amazing. I still have to cut back my expenses as I return to Australia (as if I haven’t done that anyway), and I have to be VERY careful with my expenses here, particularly for the souvenirs… but I did not regret the trip to the waterfall.

I went by car, but then at the gate my driver rent a motorbike, and thus I only had to pay INR 350 in total. Saved me loads of money, for I would have to pay INR 1,000 if we were to go by car! I saw a peacock, but failed to get the picture. Several antelopes, including a proud black male… a monkey with blackish face, just like a Javanese lutung… and several parakeets. It was a very short trip, only less than an hour… but hey, beggars can’t be choosers!

It’s getting rather cold now… Bummer. I wish I brought my gloves with me. Might it hit 8 C or below tonight? Hopefully this tropical specimen survives the night. I will go to the temples tomorrow morning, perhaps after the free yoga session in the morning. And hopefully will be able to get 1-2 good books, and some beads. No statue, except for something Khajuraho-ish, but it has to be small and light. And I really really have to cut on my expenses, for I am broke to the last cents, truthfully over-budget, and have no more space in my little baggage. Thank God it’s stipend payday tomorrow.

(Written on 12 January 2009, hence the present tense)

Pic 1: Cascading pink rocks at the Khajuraho waterfall
Pic 2: The serene upper balcony of the Yogi Sharma Ashram
Pic 3: The lakes formed by waterfalls (the waterfalls were nonexistent in the winter)

Day 6: Khajuraho

2009-01-19T19:04:00.009+10:00

Day 6 (13 January 2009): Khajuraho, Madhya Pradesh

Khajuraho was definitely an exotic experience. According to the tourism guides of Khajuraho, there are three temple compounds in Khajuraho. In the morning of my sixth day in India, I went to the Western Temples first.

Western Group of Temples

Seemingly the foggy days in Khajuraho had ended; the sun was shining cheerfully as I entered the gate of the Western Temples after paying INR 250 for entrance and INR 25 for my video camera (still picture camera is free, and the locals only pay INR 10). There are five major temples here; Lakshmana Temple, the oldest one in the Western compound, was built ca 954 AD by King Yasovarman of the Chandella Dynasty and was dedicated to Lord Vishnu, the Preserver of the Universe. Other temples are Kandariya-Mahadeva (for Lord Shiva, the Recycler of the Universe), Devi Jagadambi (for Mother Durga, the All Mother), Chitragupta Temple (for Lord Surya, the Sun), and Visvanatha Temple (for Lord Shiva). Usually people would circumambulate the compound clockwise, i.e. to the Lakshmana Temple first. Contrary to the common route, I took the quite right lane and arrived at Visvanatha Temple first.

Visvanatha was an amazing sight. The temple’s shikara (tower structure) was so ornate and elaborate that I wonder what kind of magic was needed to make this temple (and other temple as well). I spent almost an hour alone there, taking lots and lots of pictures and marveling over the gorgeous apsaras and dakinis decorating the walls. I also entered the meditation hall inside, where a single lingga was enshrined, and meditated there. It was… surreal and blissful, and I was so blessed that no one was there to intrude my union with Lord Shiva and Lady Parvati.

After one hour in Visvanath alone, I had to speed up my journey to other temples. I admit that it distracted me a bit, I wanted to enjoy the temples as long as I can be, but the light will be too bright for good photography, and no doubt my taxi will be in want of extra payment. I visited Lakshmana Temple and took lots and lots of photographs as well. A bit sorry that there were so many tourists there, so that I couldn’t enjoy it the way I enjoyed Visvanath, but it was still a great treat. Then I sped up to Kandariya-Mahadeva and was captured by the ornate shikara and the gates. What can I say… the sculptors who made the temples were truly non-Muggles! They were truly wizards and witches, shamans of the past!

I didn’t really go through Devi Jagadambi Temple, for it was under construction, and I kind of brush away Chitragupta. Good photographs, but definitely 2 hours in the Western Group alone is NOT enough for me. Next time (in 3-4 years), I will have to spend 3 hours here.

Southern Group of Temples

There are two temples in the Southern Group: Chaturbhuja and Duladeo. I went to Chaturbhuja first and was amazed by the 11ft tall statue of Lord Vishnu made from a single stone (!). I don’t think the picture here does justice, for the statue was truly magnificent. It was rather damp inside, but it was understandable, for that’s how most temples are anyway. Then I went to Duladeo, and took some more pictures of the ornate shikara.

Eastern Group of Temples

Basically the eastern temples consist of two compounds: the three Brahmanical temples (Brahma, Vamana, and Javari) and three Jain temples (Ghantai, Adinatha, and Parsvanatha). The Jain temples were particularly interesting, for one can find the ornate sculptures of Hindu deities alongside Lord Buddha. The shikaras were very elaborate as well, though not as detailed as the ones in Western Group. I didn’t go to the Brahmanical temples… not on purpose though. It was already noon; I was hungry and tired, and just wanted to wrap the tour immediately. Well… saves it for the next 5 years perhaps…

In the evening, I managed to go to the “Light and Sound” performance at the Western Temples compound. I was glad that I made it; the show was amazing. It had no actors or actresses, for it only contained light and sound, as the title suggested. The narration told the history of the temples, faceless names who built the magnificent structures, women and men who contributed to their greatness. I was amazed at their creativity, and immediately thought of Prambanan and Borobudur Temples… or Prambanan at least, where similar show could be made.

Pic 1: Lord Shiva and His Cosmic Consort, Lady Parvati, at the Visvanatha Temple
Pic 2: The ornate shikara at the Kandariya-Mahadeva Temple
Pic 3: Lord Ganesh, Visvanatha Temple
Pic 4: The 11ft tall Lord Vishnu and moi inside the Chaturbhuja Temple

Day 7-8 and conclusion

2009-01-19T18:57:00.005+10:00

Day 7 (14 January 2009): Khajuraho (Madhya Pradesh) to Varanasi (Uttar Pradesh)

Thank the Force; my flight back to Varanasi was not cancelled, though it was one hour late for technical reasons. That’s okay! I still prefer to wait than having it cancelled! As much as I wish I could extend my stay in Khajuraho, I needed to return back to Australia, and Varanasi was my exit gate. However, I will definitely visit Khajuraho again in the future. Hopefully.

In the evening, I planned to go to Ma Gangga to watch the Makara Sankranti (winter solstice) ceremony, but I was a bit late. The plane from Khajuraho arrived late in Varanasi, hence I was tired and hungry, and to avoid gastritis attack, I had to abandon my evening visit to the Gangga. I changed course to the adjacent Canton Surya Restaurant and had one of the best fish curry ever. Yumm… And the chai… oh my God… delicious!

Day 8 (15 January 2009): Varanasi to Bangkok

Since I never made it to Gangga River during the sunrise, I made up my mind to wake up extremely early and go to see the sunrise aarti. I woke up before 5am, getting a bit disoriented, but then was soon ready to go to the river. I arrived by 6am, when the fog was still floating above the water, creating surreal images of devotees plunging and taking shower in the Great River.

I bought a small garland of flower for INR 5 and then did my own aarti: doing pooja (prayers) and singing bhajan (spiritual songs). Afterwards, I took some pictures of the surroundings, including of this priest, who did a rather long aarti for more than 20 minutes. Gotta love that cobra-shaped fire holder, or whatever that name was. All in all, a very satisfying trip to wrap up my visit to India.

My flight to Bangkok took off a bit late (again) that day, about 30 minutes later than the 16:35 ETD. The airplane was full, and almost 50% of the passengers got either flu or cough, which made my case worse. The flight from Bangkok to Sydney was even worse in terms of health; I woke up two hours en route Sydney with a sore throat and hardly could speak. What a gift from India! Oh well… I do feel rather enlightened from the short trip to the Bharat, so it should balance the sore throat.

Conclusion

I was rather pleased with my first visit in India, but I am also so glad to leave the dust and smokes of Varanasi behind me. Really, I had lots of laundry to do as I return to Australia… but I don’t really mind. And herewith are the bad, good, and best things I had or happened to me in India, in that order.

Bad things:
Dust, smoke, and unorganised tips. Tipping is very confusing here… seems every people want to have a tip from you, even just because they open the door for you. I have headache because of that. And the dust and smoke was nothing like I’ve experienced elsewhere… but since the pollution in Varanasi and Bodhgaya is considered the worst in India, at least I’ve gone through the worst. Next time when I visit Ma Gangga again, it will be upstream: Risikesh, Haridwar, or the like.

Good things:
Easy: shopping and food. Gotta love those silks… and that beautiful deep blue Kashmiris shawl embroidered with flowers of myriad colours. And the statues… oh… beautiful, gorgeous statues… many of which seem to have life of their own…And books… cheap great books… Also… Khajuraho and the unique life of Gangga River, despite her pollutions.

Best things:
Super easy. Spending time with my Guruji Anand Krishna, and also with His Holiness Dalai Lama. What else? I don’t think I will ever be this lucky in the future, hence that extremely expensive return ticket to India is paid off. Thank the Existence for that. And here’s to the hope that the little rays of enlightenment will remain in my heart and grows bigger and brighter as soon as possible, enveloping me with its golden light.

Pic 1: Khajuraho airport. Clean eh? I won't post the Varanasi airport here. It will shock you.
Pic 2: Sunrise aarti at the bank of Gangga River

And Enya Came…

2008-12-21T08:21:00.007+10:00

Do you have a loyal friend that you never met, but always came to you whenever you need a soothing heart? I do. Several of them, really. But one of the most important one is Enya.

I met her for the first time almost 20 years ago, when I was still a junior at my high school. When my friend bought Wilson Phillip’s debut album (and a very very good one), I was captivated by Enya’s first album, Watermark. And hitherto, I kept buying her latest album, listening to her best singles (and I have loads of Enya’s songs that I consider ‘best’), and allowing her to fill my heart with love and hope again.

Such was yesterday, when I was passing by a local music store on my way to yoga and saw the snow white cover of her latest album ‘And Winter Came’; I took her home after yoga and listened to her. The day was steamy, and I found myself wishing that it would rain, for it usually rains when I listen to Enya.

It did not rain yesterday. The heat was unbearable, the fans in my house didn’t work because the fuse kept going off, and worse: I had another broken heart.

But life must go on. So I cried away my pain and slept with Enya next to me, singing her soothing songs with her angelic voice… And I woke up early this morning to hear the hurried sound of rain from afar…

It finally rains. The sky is cloudy enough to guarantee at least half a day of pleasant weather… and though the white winter will never come to my place, particularly these months, at least I have the rain to accompany me enjoying Enya.

It strange, really. She seemed to come to sooth my pain recently. I listened to her A Day Without Rain over and over again on my routine journey to a beautiful mountainous temple in Bali to heal my broken heart, watching the silver rain flowing freely on my window. I listened to Amarantine when I dared myself to embrace a new life without anyone. And now: And Winter Came, another broken heart.

Not that I’m complaining. Seems Mother Nature has her way to show me that everything will be alright, that I will emerge stronger, wiser, and more beautiful within from all these trials… and she asked Enya to help me. In many ways… it is good.

I haven’t decided which AWC tracks that I love the most. Certainly the first instrumental song (And Winter Came) fits the first place: it brings you to the spirit of winter…Christmas… and love. Trains and Winter Rains and My! My! Time Flies! certainly captivate my heart. Oiche Chiuin is basically the Celtic version of Silent Night, and my oh my... is it not gorgeous? And listen to what our Enya said in The Spirit of Christmas Past:

When tears are in your eyes, it's time to look inside, your heart can find another way
Believe in what I say - don't throw this time away,
Tomorrow will be Christmas Day... Christmas Day...

So, let the shadows go and drift away like snow,
Tomorrow will be Christmas Day... Christmas Day...

So, dream until the night becomes the morning light,
Tomorrow will be Christmas Day... Christmas Day...

Or what she said in Last Time by Moonlight:

The winter sky above us was shining in moonlight,
and everywhere around us... the silence of midnight
and we had gathered snowflakes;
remember the soft light of starlight on snow

Oooh, remember this, for no one knows the way love goes
Oooh, remember this, for no one knows the way life goes

We walked the road together one last time by moonlight,
as underneath the heavens the slow chimes at midngith
but nothing is forever, not even the starlight at midnight
not even the moonlight

Oooh, remember this, for no one knows the way love goes
Oooh, remember this, for no one knows the way life goes

Wow... I bet she was a priestess in her past life. Seriously, she must be a Celtic High Priestess there, singing her soothing words to heal others' pains...

But if I may cast a hope for the next Enya album… may she sees me in a beautiful life, no heart breaks; just hope, love, and life. But until then… Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And believe that all events in our lives are there to present us with valuable lessons, to make us better beings on this planet.

Pic1: Cover album to ‘And Winter Came’, from Enya.com
Pic2: Photoshop snowflake, from Creativebits

The Bat, the Cat, and the Amazon

2008-11-20T20:34:00.012+10:00

I have some epiphanies recently about the lack of BatWondy romance in DC comics and also animated version (naturally). Seems that, although the last two years have been GREAT for Wonder Woman fans with Gail Simone on board, but BatWondy fans are left low and dry. And now with the convoluted Batman RIP arcs, we have Heart of the Hush with Batman-Catwoman romance as the central theme.

Had I learned about this HoH three years ago, I would be very agitated and annoyed with that. Now... I'm a bit down because - again - DC has ditched away the potentials of BatWondy stories, understandably from editorial and historical POV. But I also realise that in another story, there's Trinity and the obvious special bonds between Bruce Wayne/Batman and Diana/Wonder Woman. It might not be romance per Bruce/Selina now, but the bonds are there, the trust is there.

I guess what I wanna say here is a fair analysis of what's going on in DCU. That... I can see why many ppl are interested in Bat/Cat romance. It's just thrilling, full of lust and passions, and also potentials for noir stories a la Bat books (but again, BatWondy can also create noir stories a la Gods of Gotham...). Selina Kyle is feisty, independent, and very sexy, and her on again off again romance with Bruce is...addictive. And perhaps Hush is right. Compared to Bruce's other women (Talia, Jezebel, etc etc, even Zatanna), Selina is actually top score. She does hold a special place in Bruce's heart. And my recent affinity to this Kitty makes it easier for me to accept it. Heh, I even might like the Heart of Hush story-arc later on.

But there's a gap there that Selina might not be able to fill in properly. Trust and belief. A higher beacon in life for Bruce, and that is provided only by Diana. And Diana is not just another woman, or a superhero freak or whatever Paul Dini/Hush said about Batman's female superheroine colleagues. This particular role of Diana's is clearly presented in Trinity comics and also Gods of Gotham (again, my Bible. Praise Jimenez). Diana is Bruce's beacon, and whatever happens, it stays that way. That's why Bruce was angry when Diana killed Max Lord; that's why he told her to get out of his cave, while he easily accepted Selina killing Black Mask (who deserved it anyway). Diana is and always be Bruce's beacon, and he can't afford to have that beacon fade away. He needs her, like it or not.

I believe that a popular culture can have its own life. How else can we explain the persistence and survival of several comic characters while other older characters faded away? Inexplicably, only in recent decade (starting from 30 years ago actually, counting the pre-crisis Brave and the Bold series), BatWondy romance emerges as the strongest (dare I say) contender towards the 60s years of BatCat romance. Perhaps because this collective comic awareness called Bruce Wayne/Batman finally needs to channel and compensate his darkness through the not-so-fictional entity called Diana of Themyscira, the Wonder Woman. He needs her light to get through, to bring back and retain his humanity. Was it not Diana who accompanied Bruce Wayne in Nanda Parbat when he was in seclusion post-Infinite Crisis? And though I was annoyed with Alan Heinberg's utter lateness in delivering WW comics during his run, he got at least one thing correct: Bruce's and Diana's strong bonds. What did Batman say in the WW Annual #23? "Use the lasso on me if you don't believe me. They love you, Diana. They always have. Because that's what you inspire in anyone who's ever met you. That's what makes you powerful than anyone." The Great Detective got that right.

Batman/Bruce Wayne loves Selina Kyle the Catwoman. I can accept that now. I find it romantic and passionate, even. But I also realise now that Batman and Bruce Wayne also loves another woman, and - dare I say - that love surpasses his eros love for Selina. That pure unadulterated love is reserved for Diana of Themyscira, the Wonder Woman, whether she's now with the lame Nemesis or being a happy single warrior of peace.

And I can't say that I'm unhappy about it. It places Diana in a special place in Bruce's heart, reserved only for her. If Catwoman dies, Batman will be broken hearted, no doubt. Might take revenge, even. But if Wonder Woman dies, the Dark Knight will lose his anchor. And that's a fate worse than death.

Do my ramblings make sense?

Pic 1 (left): Batman and Catwoman, from Comicvine
Pic 2 (right): Batman and Wonder Woman, from DeviantArt (Erickenji)
Pic 3: Detective Comic 850, Heart of the Hush, part 4/4
Pic 4: Wonder Woman Annual # 23

See also: Noah's BatWondy archives

Barack Obama wins!

2008-11-05T15:47:00.004+10:00

Oh, I'm not even an American, but I am SO giddy and excited that Mr. Barack Obama wins the 2008 American election! I mean, there he is, a sincere man of golden heart, so smart, but so sweet as well, who makes lots (if not all) Americans remembers what it means to live in a country of hope. That feeling is the exact or similar feeling that I felt when Mr. Mangku Pastika was elected as the Governor of Bali last July. Giddy, excitement... happiness.

Am on deadline, so here's the CNN video of Obama's victory speech. Magnificent. Powerful. Energizing. And this is the BBC link to his full speech (it's so powerful and touching!).

Oh, and his grandma passed away last Monday, but surely she smiles now upon his victory.

Did I say that Obama used to live in Jakarta, Indonesia? Yep, in 1970s. He loves spicy food too! Check this BBC link about the happy reactions of Indonesian students at Obama's old school in Jakarta.

Lord Shiva goes anime!

2008-10-21T00:00:00.007+10:00

Wow! Anime is surely booming since the last few decades, and with that, cultural/spiritual anime as well. And - as an avid Shiva lover - I'm very pleased to find out that there soon will be an anime about Lord Shiva.

Yup! Last June, Toonz Animation India, a company that was commissioned to make the animated X-Men by Marvel, declared that they are making an anime about Lord Shiva, Ruler of Animals, the Great Cosmic Archer, the Yogic Lover, and He who has melted my heart (well, Shiva has 1,008 names altogether, beat that, Batman and Superman!).

Here's the excerpt of what Animationxpress said about the production titled 'The Tales of Lord Shiva'; click here for the complete article.

After the mythological flick The Return of Hanuman, Trivandrum based Toonz Animation India is coming up with a 2D mythological television series titled Tales of Lord Siva. The series is targeted at all age groups and in particular at children in the age group of 9 to 12. The studio is currently in talks with major broadcasters.

"We will begin broadcasting in English and plan dubbing in other languages soon. We are looking at broadcast in India, as well as places in Asia such as Singapore, Indonesia, Malayasia, etc." Creative Director for Tales of Lord Siva, Renju Ramesh told AnimationXpress.com.

The series, based on incidents from Lord Siva‘s life, has been conceived, designed and directed entirely at Toonz. The 22x13‘ picture book animation series will have two or three short stories every episode. A group of 40 to 50 artists are working on the series which is expected to be on air within the next six months. /.../

The visuals in the series are enhanced by powerful music and rendition by renowned Hindustani classical singer-composer Pandit Ramesh Narayan who is a beloved disciple of Pandit Jasraj. The show has generated a lot of interest from national production houses and broadcasters.

Wheee! In six months since last June... meaning that it should be ready by the year end, or early next year! Hopefully so; I can't wait to see it! Here's the sneak peak from Toonz Animation channel from YouTube, enjoy!

Oh, but while waiting for 'The Tales of Lord Shiva', we can also enjoy this other one below. Another anime titled 'Shiva, the God of Love'. Man, I LOVE the title! Watch for His eyes as He meditated on the snow. He was quirking - so damn funny and cute! Om Namah Shivaya...

Pic: Lord Shiva and Lady Parvati, copyright by Toonz Animation India

‘Shiva’s Fire’: The words are dancing like Lord Shiva’s tandava

2008-10-19T14:50:00.002+10:00

It’s hard to describe this novelette in a few words; I just admire it too much. First of all, I’m very fond of Lord Shiva, and it was my original driving factor to buy the book. Second, the book is about a twelve year old girl (named after Lord Shiva’s cosmic consort, Parvati, of all names!) who is very fond of dancing, and always wants to dance. The third: well, I’m weak towards India-themed books, for the spices, curries, and the jingling of payal (anklets) are usually mixed with spirituality at a certain level.

This book did not disappoint me at all. It took me a while to read it, for I had many things to do, and perhaps because the story did not pick at a quick pace anyway. But after the first chapter, everything flew quickly and amazingly. I was particularly amazed at how Suzanne Fisher Staples brought Shiva and His tandava (dance) to life through many levels: from the sandalwood statue that had captivated little Parvati since her first day in this world, through the veena that suddenly humming in every time Parvati lit a fire, and through Parvati’s determination to dance. Having learnt Bharatanatyam myself (though, alas, I am by no means a devoted Devadasi), I am familiar with various dancing terms in the book. The book went further to evoke my longing for dancing, as I read how Parvati suffered through all physical and mental difficulties to perfect her dance. Learning Bharatanatyam is not easy, let alone mastering it!

I was a bit confused with the time frame of this story. First, I thought it was during the 18th century or something. Then, the cars and busses were mentioned, and I thought the story took time during the first days of India’s independence. But then, much much later, I found out that the time frame was a few years after India’s 50th independence, or about 1997-1999, about the same time the story was written.

As I said, I am very fond of India-based stories. Yet, though I haven’t read a lot, I found that most of the books that I read would have an ample dose of irony and suffering in it; most probably because I didn’t take the Indian chick-lit. Thank the Goddess that it was not the case with ‘Shiva’s Fire’. It started with suffering, but it ended with happiness and liberation. When a boy named Rama was introduced into the story, I was bracing myself for another typical runaway-bride story: that Parvati would have to choose between dancing and the boy. Suffice to say that it did not happen that way; the authoress managed to avoid the cheesy tendency.

So, 5 of 5 stars for Suzanne Fisher Staples and her ‘Shiva’s Fire’. And here’s to the wish that Suzanne will write the sequel, for it would be fun to read about a 20 years old Parvati.

Pic: softcover edition of 'Shiva's Fire', obtainable from Amazon.com

Rachel Weisz reloaded: Hypatia of Alexandria!

2008-09-20T00:46:00.005+10:00

There was a woman at Alexandria named Hypatia, daughter of the philosopher Theon, who made such attainments in literature and science, as to far surpass all the philosophers of her own time. Having succeeded to the school of Plato and Plotinus, she explained the principles of philosophy to her auditors, many of whom came from a distance to receive her instructions. On account of the self-possession and ease of manner, which she had acquired in consequence of the cultivation of her mind, she not unfrequently appeared in public in presence of the magistrates. Neither did she feel abashed in going to an assembly of men. For all men on account of her extraordinary dignity and virtue admired her the more.

The passage was taken from Wikipedia, and it was in turn cited from Socrates’ Ecclesiastical History (ca 439 AD). I’ve been in love with Hypatia since I learned about her 1-2 years ago through Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series and also Wikipedia. She was this strong woman who died protecting the Library of Alexandria from riot (and the thousands of ancient documents within it) during the 4th AD, and – though she and the documents perished – her name was forever etched and marked by history.

And now my friends, I am of the utmost excitement to find out that the great woman’s story will be made into a movie, and she is portrayed by none other than English Rose Rachel Weisz!

Yes, Rachel is currently (or perhaps already done) filming Agora in Malta, and the movie will be available on screen on 19 December 2008 – only a few more months to go! At least, there are good things to wait for in December, other than the nightmare deadlines for my data analysis…

Here’s what Rachel-Weisz.net said about Agora:

Set in Roman Egypt in the fourth century AD, “Agora” toplines Weisz as real life figure astrologer-philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria. Trapped in the Library of Alexandria as religious riots flare on the city’s streets, Hypatia battles to save the collected wisdom of the ancient world. Meanwhile, her slave Davus (Minghella) is torn between his love for his mistress and the freedom he could attain by joining the rising tide of Christianity.

Hmmm… am not a fan of Minghella, but since I haven’t seen Rachel doing classical movie other than The Mummy 1 & 2 (and presumably with her lovely English accent), I’m SO looking forward to Agora!

Update 17 Dec 2008:

An annoying update, for Agora is scheduled NOT in Dec 2008, but Dec 2009! Around 18 Dec 2009, to be exact, for United States, but Spain will see it much beforehand on 2 Sept 2009. Check IMDB and Wikipedia for more updates. But OTOH, check this site out for latest pix of Rachel as Hypatia. Isn't she lovely!

Pic 1: Hypatia by Elbert Hubbard (1908), from Wikipedia
Pic 2: Rachel Weisz/Nefertiri, in the Mummy 1 & 2 from this site
Pic 3: Rachel Weisz and Alejandro Amenbar in Agora, from Photogramas

The Old Peace Treaty between Tibet and China at Jokhang Temple, Lhasa

2008-09-08T12:02:00.003+10:00

A regular reader (if any) of this blog would have known by now that I am very pro Tibet. I am an avid fan of Dalai Lama, and – despite His Holiness’s willingness for possible (or impossible?) autonomy with China – I am still pro Free Tibet. Yet, I do not hate China or the Chinese. I have many Chinese friends, and I am an avid watcher of Chinese/Mandarin/Kantonese movies or DVDs. It’s just… Tibet is more than a political issue to me. To me, it is a spiritual issue. Like Indonesia, Tibet is one of the last citadels for glorious ancient civilisations, and thus deserves a respectful treatment of an independent nation, free to shape its own future without anyone’s interference.

Sadly, it is not what is happening nowadays. Nowadays, my dearest Dalai Lama lives in exile, and he has to fight for the Tibetans from outside Tibet. That did not stop him from writing great books, including Freedom in Exile (1990), which is basically his excellently written autobiography. And from this book, I shall quote several paragraphs of an old peace treaty between Tibet and China in 821-822 AD. The original inscription can be found (if not yet destroyed) at the entrance of Jokhang Temple in Lhasa, Tibet. I quote the translation verbatim from Freedom in Exile (pp 42-43):

QUOTE

The Great King of Tibet, the Miraculous Divine Lord, and the Great King of China, the Chinese Ruler Hwang-ti, being in the relationship of nephew and uncle, have conferred together for the alliance of their kingdoms. They have made and ratified a great agreement. Gods and men all know it and bear witness so that it may never be changed; and an account of the agreement has been engraved on this stone pillar to inform future ages and generations.

The Miraculous Divine Lord Trisong Dretsen and the Chinese Emperor Wen-Wu the filial and virtuous, nephew and uncle, seeking in their far-reaching wisdom to prevent all causes of harm to the welfare of their countries now or in the future, have extended their benevolence impartially over all. With the single desire of acting for the peace and benefit of all their subjects they have agreed on the high purpose of ensuring lasting good; and they have made this great treaty in order to fulfil their decision to restore the former ancient friendship and mutual regard and the old relationship of friendly neighbourliness.

Tibet and China shall abide by the frontiers of which they are now in occupation. All to the east is the country of Great China; and all to the west is, without question, the country of Great Tibet. Henceforth on neither side shall there be waging of war nor seizing of territory. If any person incurs suspicion he shall be arrested; his business shall be inquired into and he shall be escorted back.

Now that the two kingdoms have been allied by this great treaty it is necessary that messengers should once again be sent by the old route to maintain communications and carry the exchange of friendly messages regarding the harmonious relations between the nephew and uncle. According to the old custom, horses shall be changed at the foot of the Chiang Chun pass, the frontier between Tibet and China. At the Sui-yung barrier the Chinese shall meet Tibetan envoys and provide them with all facilities from there onwards. At Ch’ing-shui the Tibetans shall meet Chinese envoys and provide all facilities. On both sides they shall be treated with customary honour and respect in conformity with the friendly relations between nephew and uncle.

Between the two countries no smoke nor dust shall be seen. There shall be no sudden alarms and they very word ‘enemy’ shall not be spoken. Even the frontier guards shall have no anxiety nor fear and shall enjoy land and bed at their ease. All shall live in peace and share the blessing of happiness for ten thousand years. The fame of this shall extend to all places reached by the sun and the moon.

This solemn agreement has established a great epoch when Tibetans shall be happy in the land of Tibet, and Chinese in the land of China. So that it may never be changed, the Three Precious Jewels of Religion, the Assembly of Saints, the Sun and Moon, Planets and Stars have been invoked as witnesses. An oath has been taken with solemn words and with the sacrifice of animals; and the agreement has been ratified.

If the parties do not act in accordance with this agreement or if they violate it, whichever it be, Tibet or China, nothing that the other party may do by way of retaliation shall be considered a breach of the treaty on their part.

The Kings and Ministers of Tibet and China have taken the prescribed oath to this effect and the agreement has been written in detail. The two Kings have affixed their seals. The Ministers specially empowered to execute the agreement have inscribed their signatures and copies have been deposited in the royal records of each party.

END OF QUOTE

O Great China, where is your heart? O Great Sage Lao Tze, do you see what your children have done to their peaceful neighbour Tibet? This is not what you want, Great Sage, so please come down to Earth and help us set the things right. It is true that in 763 AD Tibet captured China’s capital, but since then, the Tibetans have walked the spiritual path. If the Tibetans can do that, why can’t China?

China, my dear friend, where is your heart? Do you not hear, feel, see the subterranean dragons writhing in pain? Do you not feel the Heaven crying? Do you not feel Mother Earth’s sorrow to see her children – both Chinese and Tibetans – in pain?

China, find your heart… before it’s too late.

Pic 1: the 14th Dalai Lama, His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, from Wikipedia

Pic 2: Jokhang Temple, from Wikipedia

Pic 3: Great Sage Lao Tze (6th century BC), from Wikipedia

Belated happy birthday, my dear Motherland…

2008-08-19T01:56:00.006+10:00

The waves escalated from 2.5m to 4m in a mere few seconds as our boat captain manoeuvred the dolphin-watching boat amidst the flux of the ocean. Earlier, he had spotted the dolphins (well, at least one of them) playing along the waves about a kilometre eastward. It’s no use; the waves were too high. Immediately, he reduced the speed, steered the wheel starboard, and let the boat surfed the waves like the tip of a wine bottle on the high water. We lost the dolphins, but we were safe and sound. The boat did not tipped over as I feared mere seconds ago.

“It’s too dangerous,” our captain declared. “We have to go back.” None of us disagreed with him. In fact, we just nodded together and murmured ‘yes’ in unison. It was indeed too dangerous to go further. Life is precious, we have to go back to try another day.

I did not mind returning back to port either, for in that few seconds, my heart seemed to stop as my mind recalled another event in another part of the sea a few weeks ago, when my boat toppled over and sent six of its passengers (including me) tumbling down the sea. It was a scary thing, but we were safe and sound after the fiasco. Yet, fiasco is still a fiasco. In another word, not again, mate!

So, when in a few seconds our boat wobbled and eventually steadied itself this time, I found myself praying that I would not go through such adventure again. And thank God, we reached the harbour safe and sound.

But why do I have to go through this story? For at the very same morning, four handicapped divers were struggling to hold the Red and White flag, Sang Saka Merah Putih, Indonesia’s national flag, in the depth of Sanur sea in Bali. I did not have to be there to know that they would suffer strong currents and winds. Yet, they strived, survived, and succeeded in holding the Merah Putih under the water, even taking pictures with the flag. Kudos to them.

I’m not saying that my dolphin boat ‘lost score’ to the handicapped divers. No, we had to return to the port that day. The trip must be aborted. We had at least three children with us that day, children that might not survive accidents. But I knew that I would return again the next day to find our animals amidst the ocean waves. Because I love the oceans and the dolphins. I love doing it.

And the handicapped divers… ah, they could abort the mission for safety reasons. But nay, they did not. They chose to hold still and fight the currents, trying as they might to uphold the national flag. For their love of their country, which is my motherland as well.

I guess, I’m writing this because last 17 August 2008, was Indonesia’s birthday. Like the dolphin boat, too often now Indonesia is facing dangerously strong waves and winds that risk splitting or boat/nation into pieces. But that does not stop the fellow Indonesians, men and women, to move forward for a better Indonesia. True, we might have to pause, recalculate our strategies and ways to achieve the goal. We might have to wait for the wind to abate, or strengthen our anchor against the wind. But never does that mean that we stop for good.

For, like the handicapped divers, we know that the ultimate force that drives us through the entire plights and miseries towards a better Indonesia… is none other than our love to our motherland. A beautiful Indonesia that accommodates various different ethnicity, religions, traditions, races, etc, as long as they are within the corridor of love. As long as we keep on walking under the umbrella of Pancasila, our true national philosophy that guarantees and accommodates differences. For what are differences, but different facets of One Universal Truth?

I believe in love. I believe in humanity. I believe that, more than this little dolphin girl will keep coming back to the sea to find her dolphins and whales, more than the little sea turtle hatchlings that struggled and tumbled down before returning back to the sea where they belong, more than the handicapped divers that kept upholding the national flag underwater, this country will survive the waves of life. More than that, this country will celebrate her life as a whole independent loving nation. The One Nation of IndONEsia.

Happy 63^rd birthday, dearest Indonesia. May the light of the universe be with you always.

Pic 1: The Great Wave off Kanagawa (Kanagawa Okinami Ura), by Hokusai, created between 1823-1829 (Wikipedia)

Pic 2: Sang Saka Merah Putih (Indonesia’s national flag), with colourful Galungan penjors. Only in Bali you will find penjor with the Merah Putih flag...

My Sister's Keeper: what a great read!

2008-08-13T03:00:00.004+10:00

I just finished reading Jodi Picolut’s My Sister’s Keeper this afternoon after two-days reading it (the good side of having cold is that you are entitled to bed rest and reading novels)… and I LOVE IT!

Now I understand why so many Picoult readers love her work; though the WW run might be an exception. And now, since I’ve read two Picoult novels (Song of a Humpback Whale and My Sister’s Keeper), I think I need to add my two cents, since I disliked Jodi’s run on WW so much (gas station, Diana not knowing how to order coffee… etc etc, though Nemesis’ comment on Diana getting bugs into her eyes while flying was pretty funny actually). It’s a matter of fair play. I didn’t like Jodi’s run on WW; most definitely not. But I love her other work, and that too, I shall admit.

So, go back to MSK. When Picoult’s WW made me winced and frowned, My Sister’s Keeper kept me from sleeping and doing anything else (thank God for the cold…). Jodi Picoult delivered such excellent narrations and characters; I fell in love with some of them almost instantly. Her trademark way of delivering novels in several voices (in this case, at least seven) had grown on me since reading her first novel (Song of a Humpback Whale; an okay one, but definitely not her best). Anna, the teenager who kept donating parts of her body to her sick sister Kate, emerged as my heroine. Campell Alexander, Anna’s attorney, became her side kick, though in reality he’s much older than her. I also feel for Anna’s father, Brian, who tried his best to be a good father, albeit difficult as it was. What I could not really decide is Sara, Anna’s mum. Sometimes I feel for her, but generally speaking, I think Sara’s decisions to make Anna donating her blood, bone marrow, etc for Kate’s health are very selfish… at least controversial. I mean, she coerced Brian to agree to have a genetically-engineered baby to save Kate’s life. Sure Kate’s life is extended long enough… but what of Anna’s freedom of choice? It is very understandable that Anna then decided to bring this matter to a family court, for she felt that her medical independence had too often been compromised.

Jodi also delivered the sadness of being admitted to the hospital several times. I was hospitalized four years ago, after going back and forth to at least half a dozen doctors, and anyone who has been (or has family members) hospitalized will know that it was not a fun experience, though it was necessary and relieving). But Jodi also threw humor here and there, a shed of hope in spite of the darkness of the story.

Anyway, just when I thought I knew how the end would be (I cheated, I flipped through the last pages quickly) Jodi Picoult then delivered a twist (I missed that twist during flipping!). Turned out that Anna’s motive to bring her health matter to court was not about her at all. Instead, she did that for Kate. Because Kate asked her sister to end this drama once and for all.

The last chapters, I will not spoil it for you. Just in case you’re as impatient as I was, just go to the bookstore and flip through the novel. Better, buy it and read it from the beginning. It worth the price, and more.

‘My Sister’s Keeper’ teaches me another thing too. That a great writer like Jodi Picoult could have her mistakes. In retrospective, she might be a good WW writer if she gave enough time for background research. After all, WW is not a new character to begin with. Alas, it was not good enough, and Jodi’s WW was unpleasing to most of us. Reminds me of Will Pfeifer’s excellent run on Catwoman vs his badly delivered Amazons Attack!...

I guess, some of you who said that certain writers are best kept in their favorite medium are correct after all. Jodi’s medium is novels. She’s best playing with new characters created within her amazing mind. Gail Simone on the other hand, is best with comic books and their extensions (animated version, for example). Gail is faithful with continuity, and she is also good at creating new characters (e.g. Black Alice) or excavating old and almost forgotten characters (e.g. the Stalker) in the comic media.

I guess, in the end I will keep coming back for Gail’s Wonder Woman, and will read Jodi’s other novels, too. And hope that although Jodi’s WW run was not an excellent one, and she might have uncomfortable history with us WW fans, she will still see Diana as an excellent woman who can deliver love and wonders, and not just a ‘mere’ comical character.

My Sister’s Keeper is in the making for a movie, produced by New Line Cinema (Lord of the Rings, everyone?). Click Wikipedia here to learn more, release due is in 2009.

Pic 1: My Sister’s Keeper, from Amazon.com

Pic 2: Jodi’s Wonder Woman run, from Amazon.com

I’m in love…

2008-07-19T14:47:00.005+10:00

This time, the story starts when my “Book of Shiva” arrived from Amazon.com. I picked it up, brought it to my ashram to read while waiting for the full-moon class starting… and was captivated by He whose matted hair contained the flows of Mother Gangga.

I don’t know what to say about “The Book of Shiva”, other than I am renewing my love to Shiva. I mean, I love and adhere to all aspects of the Trinity, and I bow to the power of Vishnu to preserve the world (next time, there will be a post about Lord Krishna. God willing). But Lord Shiva… I don’t know. There’s something within that Hermit of Kailash that amazes me. Perhaps His matted hair, from which Mother Gangga flows. Perhaps His hermit stage. Not His snake… not His snake… (I respect snakes, but only because they’re part of the ecosystem, thank you very much).

But one thing for sure that makes me admire Shiva: His love to Lady Uma/Parvati. So beautiful, so sweet… A while ago, I wept the first time I learned that He too was broken hearted when Sati (the previous incarnation of Parvati) died. Now, after reading the story again here, my heart was crushed again.

Shiva is the God who knows pain of separation. And the way Shiva expressed His feelings as He watched the All-Mother Uma turned into Kali to defeat demon Raktabija: “It pained me to see my Uma like this. I wept when she howled like a wild beast… and turned on the blood-spawns.”

Kudos to Saurav Mohapatra’s script and Deepak Chopra’s ideas. I really love the painting-like arts inside of the book – Tayade, Singh, and Subramanian did amazing works. My favourite part was when Shiva stopped the enraging Kali:

“Uma, this cannot be. You must fight her.” And then, the most beautiful painting, as He holds Uma’s unconscious form and said: “The Sleeper slumbered again. For it was Uma who opened her eyes. Perhaps it was the fatigue of battle that quelled the primal will. Perhaps it was the power of the All-Mother. But sometimes I like to think…maybe… Just maybe… it was me.”

Sweet, romantic Shiva…

My only nitpick is that Shiva was shown smiling only in 1-2 panels, particularly when Uma was around. I mean, yes – Shiva has the dark Rudra side, the destructive side. But He also has His sweet, beautiful side. The Dance of Life, or Nataraj, is danced with love. His love: sweet, tender, beautiful love. Such spirit is not really shown here, hence might mislead new readers or those who are not familiar with the Vedic tradition, thinking that Shiva is 'only' an all-angry God who destroys everything.

Personally, I would rather have the book cover depicting the benevolent Shiva, He who smiles peacefully as He watches the world from the top of Kailash. But I understand why from the sale point of view, the artists and creator preferred the scarier form of Shiva. Here’s the hope for the second volume, where Shiva is depicted with gentler smile, as sweet and gentle as He gazes lovingly at Lady Parvati.

By the way, I understand that many a friend of mine have difficulties understanding the iconography of Vedic cosmology. It’s hard to understand it if we use only day-to-day common sense; for how could we love the very horrible form of Kali as She slays the demons? Ah… but I have no time now to explain. I am, too, still learning… but I understand why I love Her. Why Shiva loves Her. Perhaps, later I will share with you. Perhaps later…

As the closing note, this comic format (aside from the often-too-serious depiction of Shiva) is favourable to me. I as I read Mohapatra’s script… I felt like I was reading Gail Simone’s take on Wonder Woman, as the Amazing Amazon had her inner monologue. Interesting.

Pic 1: Book of Shiva, amazon.com

Pic 2: Shiva and Parvati, His Shakti, from Stephen Knapp’s site

J.K. Rowling's amazing commencement speech at Harvard Uni!

2008-06-26T00:47:00.007+10:00

I'm grateful to my routinely visited procrastination site www.phdcomics.com for their link to JK Rowling's commencement speech at the Harvard University graduation this June 2008. It's indeed uplifting and very wisely spoken (not to mention very witty). The title is

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

Thanks to The Daily Snitcher, these are the direct links for part 1, part 2, and part 3. And these are some quotes:

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

...

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

Read along to know what she learned from her tenure at the Amnesty International. No wonder the tones of Harry Potter are often gory and gritty; they came from real life! And yet, she still believes in this one:

We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

Thanks a lot, JK Rowling! Thank you for Harry Potter, and for being yourself.

Dance of Life

2008-06-22T04:21:00.012+10:00

Full moon was waning up in the sky, but its silver light still graced me as I saw several items of Indian dances last night. In Bali, at the Bali Art Festival. Little Balinese girls danced Bharatanatyam with an Indian woman (she's the dancing teacher here), a Javanese woman danced Kathak, ... and ten Indian women and men were supposed to dance an Odissi-Kathak-Bharatanatyam-Balinese drama called 'Bali Yatra'. It was beautiful... but the beauty will have to come later as I tell you what happened as the Javanese woman danced the Kathak.

She was swirling around with her white dress, blossoming as a white lotus as suddenly... the lights went off! Off, darkness all around in the little theatre. A local transformer exploded (power overload), and hence shut down the electricity for the entire building. The beautiful Javanese woman stopped for a while... and then she retreated to the back stage. It seemed that the next dance would have to be cancelled.

People were going home, understandably. Half an hour passed, and I was about to go home when they announced that they moved the dance show to an open stage 5 minutes walk from there.

I went there out of curiosity; just to see if it's worth the wait. I waited for a few more minutes before they resumed the show, an hour after the power outage.

And by the Gods... it was worth the wait.

I've never seen an Odissi dance before. Have you? You should. Bharatanatyam is gorgeous, classical in many senses. Kathak is poetic. But Odissi mix elegance with sensuality of the dancers in their ways of swaying here and there, like Apsaras we see on the temple walls. Suddenly, I could see the ancient dancers performing their services outside the temple garden. What was it like back then, I knew not. All I know was that I was so damn lucky to be able to witness the show. I need not go to India... the show was brought to me here. The Shaktis were with me. Still with me.

It was a complicated drama dance, a mini opera with lots of scenes. The ten dancers had to change costumes more than five times each person, and God I would have fainted midway if I were them. They had to struggle to adapt to new stage, new lighting, new sound system, and oh what a crowded open stage it was, in a mere 20 minutes! The dancers and music had to compete with other performances in the vicinity, and it was hard for them. So hard. But they endured, and they showed the best of them.

I don't know them, but I'm proud of them. And I was happy that I stayed till late to see them. It was worth it.

[On a side note, and as a positive critique, I think they could leave out the part where the Odissi dancers performed Panyembrama, a classical Balinese dance to welcome guests. I think it was amazing that they tried to do that, and over a length of time the Odissi dancers might reach the Balinese pakem (dancing standards), but for this show, the Panyembrama item could be dropped. Or better, replace the gorgeous Odissi dancers with real Balinese dancers who master the Panyembrama dance the way the Indian dancers master their Odissi par excellence. And this realisation just dawned on me that moment: Odissi (and Bharatanatyam, to that extent) have different head movements to the Balinese one. Their eye expressions, though similar, are different too. The Balinese dance - as I observe so far - have more subtle yet still lively expression; there is a benchmark there that is too subtle for Odissi. By the same token, the dynamic movements of Odissi (and Bharatanatyam) would be too fast and forceful for Balinese dancers. And yet, when appropriately combined, a group of Odissi/Kathak/Bharatanatyam can perform well with a group of Balinese dancers. I've seen my old dancer team (Indian Cultural Center Bali & Indonesian Art Institute Bali, under the tutelage of Ms. Nandini Krishna) doing such a collaboration with Ravi Shankar's Manggalam. It was amazingly vibrant and invigorating. I guess in the end, every dancer has to determine her/his own style, unique way of dancing, and she/he should stick to it. But this critique by NO means lessen my respect to the dancers last night. They still did amazing job out there.]

You know, an aware dancer will always pray before dancing, either by touching the earth/ground, looking at the sky and moon, or others. He or she will seek permission first before the performance. It's something wonderful, something beyond words, when you dance and you know, you can do that only because the whole Existence permits you to do that. It's your gift to the Universe, and you are blessed with it.

I haven't resumed my Bharatanatyam dancing lessons for months, and I missed the dances. I guess, I shall be back dancing again.

And I guess... now and then, life presents you a power outage, and your dance has to stop for a while. But real dancers will try to find ways to resume their dance; in whatever situations, no matter how small their audience may be. It's the dharma, the way of life for a dancer... to dance, even with no witness. Even if the witness is just the waning moon above.

So I thank the Universe, and the dancers and their entourage tonight, for presenting me with the dance tonight. It was a Dance of Life, and I was blessed to see it.

And I know now what to answer if someone ask me why I – a Balinese girl – learn Bharatanatyam. Well, first, I also dance Balinese dance, but I won’t claim that I’m the expert. You can see hundreds of Balinese dancers far better than I am on the island. Second, dance is an art… and art goes beyond the boundaries of nations and ethnicity. Art is beauty, and beauty has no boundaries.

Pic 1. A Kathak dancer from Indtravel.com ( not the one I saw tonight)

Pic 2. Odissi dancers from flonnet.com ( not the one I saw tonight)

Pic 3. A Majapahit Apsara, from the Arts of Asia (November-December 2000) and Wikipedia (I want to invite one of those celestial nymphs to my house. Can I?)

My two favourite manga girls!

2008-04-27T23:26:00.005+10:00

I just got warped back to my childhood when I loved watching certain series of manga. Not that I don’t love them now… just pretending not to have time anymore :-D

But this week’s ‘contemplation’ dragged me into Sailor Moon Universe again, and I remembered that I used to – and still – love Rei Hino, the Sailor Mars! (FYI, Sailor Pluto (Setsuna Meio) and Sailor Saturn (Hotaru Tomoe) are my other fave Senshi). But actually, the first manga girl I ever love is Oka Megumi of the Voltes V series. I first saw her when I was just a teenager, and I fell in love with her and her long green-blue hair (and her pink bow!). I think she’s amazing, pretty, and she’s great; having excelled in Japanese martial arts, including ninja stuffs. I have to ‘fess that I would love to buy an action figure of Megumi. Too bad that the Voltes V lines was drown over the Voltron merchandises, though Voltes was much well-packed and well-written than Voltron (I can’t even buy the English-subtitled DVD for Voltes!).

So I pondered why I love those girls. I know at least that Megumi inspired me to grow my hair long and Rei taught me to keep them long (though never as beautiful as those gorgeous manga girls). But why do I love them?

Perhaps… because they are a blend of uniqueness. Take the gorgeous Rei Hino, for example. Rei is a Shinto priestess (gotta love that red hakama!). Yet, her spiritual living does not reduce the excitement of a young girl with sharp snappy tongue who will often, and with most unlady-like fashion, bugs Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon) to no end. But take note: Rei is also a loyal friend and a warrior who would give her life to protect Usagi.

Hey, have I mentioned that Rei’s gold tiara with red gem resembles Wonder Woman’s tiara? And her red heels and red dress just echo Diana’s signature colour? Love it, love it, love it! I know what to wear for the next Halloween party. Sailor Mars.

And what about my first manga girl: Oka Megumi? This wonderful site mentions that: “Megumi is an energetic, lively, and lovely girl. She always wears red ribbon on her greenish blue hairs. Megumi is trained in the secret way of Ninjutsu and she becomes a Kunoichi (female ninja). She can fight using various kinds of weapons, like long sword (katana), chained sickle (kusarigama), but her favorite weapon is the throwing star (shuriken).” Plus that she’s also well-informed and well-practiced in traditional arts. Superb girl! Not to mention her lovely red boots and skirts.

Gosh, I love Rei and Megumi! They can kick ass, but they’re also very much into traditional knowledge and spirituality. Lovely. I guess, that’s why I love them so. They are the Japanese Wonder Girls.

Pic 1: Rei Hino Sailor Mars, from Wikipedia

Pic 2: Oka Megumi Voltes V, from Voltes V Shrine

Pic 3: Rei Hino Sailor Mars, from this site

Pic 4: Oka Megumi Voltes V, from Voltes V Shrine

It’s official: I’m in love with the Nemesis!

2008-04-07T18:55:00.016+10:00

Well, okay. The pre-crisis, Brave and the Bold Nemesis, created by Cary Burkett and Dan Spiegle. NOT the current Wonderpig, resurrected by Alan Heinberg and made worse by Ms. Jodi Picoult (no offence, I think both Mr. Heinberg and Ms. Picoult are great writers in their own media, i.e. television and novel, respectively), the Special Agent Tom Tresser who roams the realms of Wonder Woman comics, tainting the wonders Ms. Gail Simone has brought us with her great story telling. Anyway, I’m not going to waste the introductory paragraph telling why I don’t like the modern incarnation of Nemesis a.k.a. Special Agent Tom Tresser. Instead, I’m going to tell why I love the pre-crisis, 80s Nemesis. Because of what Batman said in Brave and the Bold # 170: ‘In the short time we’ve worked together, I’ve seen a man who would risk his life to save another’s’. And Batman was right. This Nemesis was a hero in his own right.

Now I have to explain that, apart from the current WW runs, I’ve never read a single story with Nemesis in it. Burkett and Spiegle first launched Nemesis in the pages of Brave and the Bold 166 (September 1980), read this chronology for better understanding of Nemesis’ appearance in DC Universe. Most of his stories were in Brave and the Bold and Suicide Squad, hence you really have to hunt them on Ebay or other e-shops. Anyway, since I learned that Nemesis made an appearance in WW vol 3 #1, I decided to learn more about this hero. The fact that Alan Heinberg was ridiculously late in delivering his WW episodes gave me more than enough time to do research and, eventually, formed my own image of Nemesis in my head.

During my research, I’ve read many analysis of the pre-crisis Nemesis, which praised him as a cool hero, whose stories are worthy of being collected into a single TPB. One of them is this excellent post of the Comic Treadmill, read it and you will understand what I felt when I read BB 170; CT did a much better job than I could ever do. I also read here and there about Nemesis’ run in the Suicide Squad, his captivity in Russia, and even him threatening Amanda Waller (for Christ’s sake!) when he was about to walk out of the SS. So far I know, Nemesis was the only man who would threaten Waller like that. The other guy would be the Batman, of course. And I can imagine Wonder Woman one on one with Amanda Waller in a very interesting political/philosophical conversation (that’s never shown in the comics, I guess, but it’s not far fetched). Batman and Wonder Woman are my favourite DC characters (thus, my pairing them); hence levelling Nemesis on par with them speaks volume. And, as I read those reviews and summaries from the web, I began to imagine what kind of person the real Nemesis was, and I began to think ‘Hey, I might like this guy!’

It turned out that I was correct. As I finished reading BB 170 just now, I read of a Nemesis that was brave, rather sombre due to his past (his brother Craig Tresser died after being trapped into killing Ben Marshall, a father figure for both Craig and Tom), rather secretive in the beginning (understandably), but eventually trusted and teamed up with the Batman to defeat the Head (who was, really, only a head, figuratively speaking). This Nemesis was dark enough to be a Batman-lite, with mirroring background as what Bruce Wayne experienced (family member killed tragically, though in Tom’s case, it happened when he was already a grown up, hence his scar should heal faster than Bruce’s scar, whose parents were killed when he was only a boy), and he would walk the fine line between justice and vengeance during his missions.

This Nemesis (praise Jim Aparo for his stunning artworks in BB 170) had similar facial expression with the Batman; eyebrows knitted together while he was thinking. He had similar MO with the Batman, even darker, as he worked totally alone. He did not abhor the use of guns, though, and that’s where the Dark Knight had to warn him against using guns while they were on the same team. Anyway, as BB 170 was written by Cary Burkett, the man who created Nemesis for the first time anyway, I take that this Nemesis was THE Nemesis he should be. A brave hero that will try to uphold justice, or die trying. Heh, even Comic Treadmill said that Nemesis was the best partner for the Batman in Brave and the Bold, and I have to agree with that. With one side note: Diana Prince or Wonder Woman as the best female partner for the Batman in this series.

There is one more reason why I love the Burkett-Spiegle Tom Tresser: he was definitely not a piggish boy. The Burkett-Spiegle Nemesis was not the young blond boy who flirts with Black Canary and Wonder Woman in the current WW runs and at the same time being a male chauvinist pig to Special Agent Diana Prince (who is, of course, Wonder Woman in disguise). In fact, I cannot imagine the Burkett-Spiegle Tom Tresser as someone who will flirt with Diana of Themyscira (or Diana Prince, your pick). Even if he liked WW so much, this Nemesis would not say things that Special Agent Tom Tresser often say now to Wonder Woman. He would be discreet enough to admire her from a distance, ready to protect her, but not getting too close to her for whatever reason. He might team up again with the Batman and, after closing a hard murderer case, he would – very occasionally – say something about how amazing Wonder Woman was, but he would not pursue further. He and the Batman would sit silent with double espresso on their hands, looking at the bright moon, each pondering the possibility of getting closer to the Amazon Princess, but had no guts to do that. For both think of Diana as this amazing goddess they look up to, but dare not touch; for if they touch her, they might taint her light with their hands. That’s the Burkett-Spiegle Nemesis I imagine, romance-wise. Very much like the Batman, sans cowl and cape.

And the Burkett-Spiegle Nemesis in action? Well, I’ve just finished BB 170, and I am on the prowl for BB 193 where Nemesis died during his second team up with the Batman (don’t worry, he was actually saved, and then joined Suicide Squad afterwards). I don’t think I have budget and time to hunt down other Nemesis-related DC comics (Suicide Squad and other BB issues), but I am now 100% supporting the release of a Trade Paperback of Nemesis, from his Brave and the Bold era to the end of Suicide Squad. See this impressive list for a possible thick TPB. We can include the Catwoman and Superman issues, for I also want to read how other writers interpret the Burkett-Spiegle Nemesis in other storylines. From what I’ve heard, Nemesis’ appearance in the Catwoman was rather out of character (he asked her to teach him how to infiltrate an enemy’s HQ or something). Well, he might be OOC then… but I would still consider it FINE compared to the Wonder Pig Nemesis we currently read almost monthly in Wonder Woman.

Bottom line: Print the 80s and 90s stories of Nemesis into one TPB, and kick this current Nemesis out of Wonder Woman comics. Don’t kill him; just kick him out of the pages. The current Nemesis does not deserve the great name of Nemesis, for clearly he’s just a ridiculous young boy who does not know what prudence means, for he does not even have a modicum of decorum in his bones. A shame for the legacy of Burkett-Spiegle Nemesis.