Again, I have data analysis to do, but my right brain kept begging me to write this down, so here we are. Right brain, the intuition wins. Let’s hope this is a useful epiphany for you dear friend, for it definitely is for me.
First, I would like to acknowledge (again) Christiane Northrup, MD (Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom) for her amazing book that I have yet finished reading, for it seems like chewing up the last bites of a very delicious meal. I am utterly most grateful for the research and wisdom she unravelled for us there. Other women I would like to thank are a sisterhood of Jane Austen fans, mainly Laurie Viera Rigler (Rude Awakening of a Jane Austen Addict) and Mariana Gheorghe, whose recent article in the Becoming Jane Fansite about Bad Tuesdays for Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy has unconsciously triggered a new shed of awareness in me.
By now, you would be quirking your nicely trimmed eyebrows, for what is the relationship between Northrup’s feminine bodily wisdom and the deceased British authoress of the Regency Period? Two phrase: cellular memories and repetitive patterns.
Now, based on Ellen Moody’s Austen calendar, Mariana has discovered that certain Tuesdays seemed to be Bad Tuesdays for Jane Austen, in accordance to her star-crossed love with Tom Lefroy. At first, it seems like hocus-pocus, is it not? For how could a person have a repeated misfortune as such? But then… a phrase emerged from Laurie’s latest book that stunned me: Cellular memories.
I’ve read at a glance about cellular memories in Christiane’s book. Researches have found that every cell has its own intelligence, its own ‘brain’ if we may… and with intelligence, comes the ability to retain memories. See Maat.com for better understanding about cellular memories, the article is amazing.
The gist is that every cell in our body has the ability to store memories. Should any event, condition, scene or even just a mere word, smell, or sound appears before us, our cells can automatically link that event etc to a certain event in the past. If the event was blissful, we will feel happy. If it was beautiful, but no longer applicable (lost love, perhaps?), we will feel blue. If it was painful or even a near-death experience, we will feel a sudden fear, anger, an urge to flight, etc. Get what I mean? Surely you’ve experienced it before. An event that had nothing to do with you, but you found yourself inexplicably happy, or sad, or angry. Or even burst into tears.
We could then remember what happened in the past that made us feel as such. A lovely song might remind us of someone we love, but no longer with us. A woman wearing a certain dress might remind us of our high school cheerleader that consistently insulted us (ah… those days…). Etc etc etc. We then understood why we reacted that way. If we are aware enough, we could put everything in its perspective, and move on. Leaving the past behind us.
But more often than not, those events also involved suppressed memories we are not even aware of. We forgot, but our cells did not. Hence, faced by a certain event, our cellular memories kick in, and we react exactly the way we used to react to that event before, that might happen five or ten years ago.
Coming back to Jane Austen, I’m not sure why the Bad Tuesdays happened. But perhaps, PERHAPS, in her subconscious, she named a certain Tuesday bad because of her broken heart. She was tremendously sad, but perhaps – being a natural sunshine person she was – she tried to suppress it. But… alas, her body remembered the pain. Her broken heart. Her tears even. Unconsciously henceforth, she carried the wound, believing that Tuesdays would bring bad news or events to her. Put it in Laurie’s words (Rude Awakening, p.277): “Your body remembers that a year ago today or ten years ago today, you felt cheerful or depressed. And it feels that way again.”
And we got what we believed in. Jane Austen MIGHT believed that some Tuesdays were just bad luck for her. And she indeed got those bad lucks.
Of course, I don’t want to point fingers at my favourite authoress. On the contrary, I thank her for the lessons she consciously or unconsciously gave me. That if we can have those beliefs, we can disown the beliefs as well.
This morning, suddenly I realised that I too have these repetitive patterns and cellular memories. [Since I am trying to reverse the pattern here, henceforth I shall use past tense] I also had something bad … not a day, but a month. Several months even. I unconsciously believed that some months brought sad news or events to me, and those were not unfounded. I did a quickie chronological analysis this morning, and was so surprised at how those patterns matched! By the Gods, those months that I labelled miserable were actually true! Bad things happened those months!
Digging further in, I realised that the labelling started a few years back when a certain star-crossed love story happened to me in 2002, seven years ago. I am now beyond relief that I actually experienced that sad love story, and that I had ended it… but before than… those months were equal to crying in the middle of the night, or whenever no one saw me (or I thought no one did). Those months were equal to my believing that I would not be happy again, that I would never love and be loved again.
Now I know those fears were unfounded, for I have loved myself more than I did before, and I have many dear ones loving me. But those days, those painful emotions affected my body, and my cells stored those sad and heart-breaking memories. Unconsciously, my cells sent signals to my brain that those particular months were bad, bad, bad, and that it would occur again. Hence the repetitive sad patterns in my life. For we got what we believed in. In another word: I unconsciously invited those sadness to return to my life.
Digging even further in, I now realised that those ‘miserable months’ were actually related to unhappy events that my mother experienced prior to and during her pregnancy. I carried her pain subconsciously, for she was the one who had me for more than nine months, and with long and painful birth even! I am not blaming my blessed mother, of course, I am merely observing what happened. And understanding that I have the power to change it.
Thank the Universe, I’ve recognised those patterns now, with clarity beyond belief… with blissful gratitude that I finally am not ‘blind’ anymore to see… I just know that I am right this time, that my conclusions are correct and what I have to learn and implement. How do I know? Because my whole body suddenly felt relaxed while I was writing the epiphany in my diary. My arms and legs were relaxed, I felt so light and happy… and the effect is still lingering now, as I write this. Heh, even a colleague of mine walked past me when I was getting tea just now, and he said that seeing me today just made his day brighter! Thank you mate, I hope you’re not joking…
Now, hopefully, I'm sensitive and open enough for help from all over the place. I still have loads of personal health homework to do. Every seven years, we regenerate a whole new body (see Wiki Answer for more info). Well, it’s been seven years since the painful memories, strangely I'm on my fifth seven-years-cycle on Earth now... and I need to rebuild healthy cells. Now. Healthy cells with healthy cellular memories. And every month, every single day, single minute, single second, is a blessed moment. There is NO miserable month. There are 12 beautiful, loving months, and more of love and trust too...For this Universe is an Infinity of Love.
Namaste, peace be upon you.
Pic 1: Cellular healing, from Maat.com
Pic 2: Healing lotus, from MySpace.com
Pic 3: Healing heart, from Deviantart.com